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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to ask your opinion on renewing wedding vows

166 replies

Whatsername17 · 30/04/2017 19:27

Really interested to hear other people's opinions on this. An acquaintance of mine is renewing her vows on her 5th wedding anniversary. The event is going to be like a second wedding - big dress, wedding breakfast etc. I was chatting to dh about the venue, which is lovely, and dh said it would be nice to renew our vows one day. We've been married 7 years. I quite fancy doing it, but just us and our kids in Vegas or somewhere similar, perhaps for the 10th or 15th anniversary. Dh thinks friends and family would want to come so we should do it here. It's all completely hypothetical but mumsnet is always good for a general consensus before I consider the idea or bin it off completely. What I'm basically asking is people's opinions on vow renewals. Naff or not? It's not a judgement on my friend either, I'm very much a 'do what makes you happy as long as it doesn't hurt anyone' so I'm not making a judgement.

OP posts:

LRDtheFeministDragon · 30/04/2017 23:15

Eats - yes, I agree.

When my grandparents did it (before it was a trend - they're long dead now), it was because they were both devoutly Christian. Given that the Eucharist is a ceremony of perpetual renewal of vows, I can understand that. But it wasn't a quasi-marriage ceremony, and certainly not an attempt to have another go at a party.

MaQueen · 30/04/2017 23:25

I think it naff and pointless.

You either meant your vows, or you didn't. If you're renewing because one of you was unfaithful, then what's the point? Saying the vows the first time didn't make them stay faithful, so why should saying them a second time be any different???

Like other posters have said, I feel our wedding anniversary is something special, but private for just DH and I. I discourage other people sending cards.

PickAChew · 30/04/2017 23:28

Half the guests will be speculating about which one of you has had an affair.

This. It's all a bit try hard, particularly in a marriage so short.

DorisMcSweeney · 30/04/2017 23:32

Half the guests will be speculating about which one of you has had an affair.

Absolutely. It is generally only done when one of you has shafted the au pair or pool boy.

helpimitchy · 30/04/2017 23:40

Awful. Really naff thing to do.

emmyrose2000 · 30/04/2017 23:58

Utterly ridiculous at five years, or even 10, 15, 20. For something significant like 25 or 50 years it can be nice. But no big white dress, full church ceremony etc at any stage. That just comes across as desperate and stupid.

My aunt and uncle had a renewal for their 50th anniversary. It was a lovely party at their home, normal clothes, nice food, friends and family etc.

They did have a minister come to the house to do some sort of small service. I think they had attended his church when they all lived close by, before the minister moved. He was also known to the wider family as he'd performed several weddings and christenings for us over the years at his new church, so there was a definite personal touch to it, not just some random minister who agreed to do it for a fee.

XsaraHale · 01/05/2017 00:14

I know a couple who renewed vows after nearly 20 years of marriage. Lovely private ceremony...it was for reasons pp have mentioned though and being seen as a fresh start!

SheSaidNoFuckThat · 01/05/2017 00:23

We were going to have a renewal at 10 years as a lot of immediate family were not at our Wedding, however we decided against it as the whole reason we had a small wedding was because me wanted to be married - not have a Wedding.

We will be spending our anniversary having a meal out with the kids instead

GreenHillsSunnySkies · 01/05/2017 03:27

I'm afraid I'm another who fails to see the point. What's wrong with just having a big anniversary party on milestone years? And after only 5 years it seems even more off. The whole vow 'renewal' thing suggests that the vows you made at your wedding have a limited time span, kind of like the warranty on a car or electrical product. When we made our vows they were for life, we don't foresee them wearing out. That said, you do you.

GnomeDePlume · 01/05/2017 07:20

The only person I have known in RL who wanted something like this was wanting to restage her wedding as she thought the new photographs would be better.

While I can see that there might be good reasons to do this. Too often it does come across as wanting to grab the limelight again. A major landmark anniversary (25+ years) is something to celebrate but as an anniversary not as a do-over.

thethoughtfox · 01/05/2017 09:14

On a significant wedding anniversary or after a difficult time - beating Cancer etc. Otherwise, it seems a bit desperate to show off and, in celebrity world, is the death knell for your relationship.

MrsMoastyToasty · 01/05/2017 09:33

My aunt and uncle have been married 70 years (now in their 90s) and haven't felt the need to renew their vows.

dangerrabbit · 01/05/2017 09:39

I can see the point at a 25th or 50th anniversary or if one party is terminally ill. Otherwise it just seems like something you would do for a magazine deal and ragingly narcissistic.

Maxandrubyrubyandmax · 01/05/2017 09:54

Can just about get away with it for 25th anniversary. Otherwise expect a book to be running on which of you strayed! The consensus amongst people I know equate vow renewal with affairs

NervousNellie29 · 01/05/2017 10:06

My DH and I plan on renewing our vows for 5 year anniversary, but this is because we're from different countries and none of my family was able to attend our wedding. I was also 32 weeks pregnant for our wedding so it was very small and I was very large. It wasn't really the wedding I've dreamed of (apart from my DH )

NotAnotherUserName5 · 01/05/2017 10:08

Yesterday 19:37 Neolara

Half the guests will be speculating about which one of you has had an affair

This is what I'd think too!

It seems a bit daft after less than a decade of marriage too, sorry.

Helloitsme88 · 01/05/2017 10:40

Aren't vows for life. If I reach a big milestone anniversary then I've discussed with DH having a party at the venue we got married. But only if we are lucky enough to still be together in10/20 years.
And no way would I renew the vows and wear white. That was the scariest bit! Ha

hellswelshy · 01/05/2017 10:53

I would love to, but probably won't get around to it. For me though it would never be a big event inviting lots of other people -stressful enough organising it the first time! I would love to renew my vows somewhere on a beach or similar, with my daughters who are young enough to want to wear a pretty dress and get excited about it. My dh and I are very happy and in love by the way, so not a cynical motive or a 'sticking plaster' reason behind the fantasy of it, only that my wedding day was such a happy day and it would be nice to do it again

Crumbs1 · 01/05/2017 10:54

When we married we took a lifetime vow of fidelity, honour and love. No need to restate them as they remain valid.
I think it's a bit naff too. Is common the incorrect word?
Maybe celebration of silver and golden wedding anniversary, ruby even but since vow is ' as long as we both shall live' it seems excessive to renew them in this world.

Funnyface1 · 01/05/2017 10:57

Me and dh both fancy renewing our vows at 10 years, we're just coming up to 8 at the moment. But it would not be a wedding, it would be a very small affair. In fact we've also talked about Vegas.

Eeeeek2 · 01/05/2017 11:12

Did everyone miss until death do us part bit? I'm married until either me or dh croaks it and renewing those vows lessens them, as if you can opt in or out again.

If you've got money for a party it's called an anniversary party. Can always buy a new frock.

Sgtmajormummy · 01/05/2017 11:30

My parents did a renewal of vows at church as part of their 50th Anniversary celebration.
Knowing that DM was an introvert and DF was in the early stages of dementia, to me it felt like something they'd been bamboozled into by their overenthusiastic "romantic" churchgoing friends. I'm sure they enjoyed it...

I did not make a point of travelling over and we had a family celebration the following month when all the siblings were free.

LagunaBubbles · 01/05/2017 11:51

hellswelshy that's exactly what I wanted, our renewal on a beach with just our boys was special, and just perfect. If some people want to speculate and think we've cheated that's up to them, couldn't care less. It certainly wasn't "naff, common or pointless" to us....

LagunaBubbles · 01/05/2017 11:53

And no eek I certainly didn't miss the "until the death us do part" bit either. We got married in a church in 1999. Just so happens we renewed on a beach in 2015.

chocolatesavedmysanity · 01/05/2017 20:06

5 years seems a bit

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