Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to ask your opinion on renewing wedding vows

166 replies

Whatsername17 · 30/04/2017 19:27

Really interested to hear other people's opinions on this. An acquaintance of mine is renewing her vows on her 5th wedding anniversary. The event is going to be like a second wedding - big dress, wedding breakfast etc. I was chatting to dh about the venue, which is lovely, and dh said it would be nice to renew our vows one day. We've been married 7 years. I quite fancy doing it, but just us and our kids in Vegas or somewhere similar, perhaps for the 10th or 15th anniversary. Dh thinks friends and family would want to come so we should do it here. It's all completely hypothetical but mumsnet is always good for a general consensus before I consider the idea or bin it off completely. What I'm basically asking is people's opinions on vow renewals. Naff or not? It's not a judgement on my friend either, I'm very much a 'do what makes you happy as long as it doesn't hurt anyone' so I'm not making a judgement.

OP posts:
Giddyaunt18 · 30/04/2017 20:22

I agree, what happened to anniversary parties?

Original poster
Whatsername17 · 30/04/2017 20:22

I've been to a divorce party and it was fun! I think I'm going to show this thread to dh. He is the one that thinks others would feel miffed if we did a silly renewal in Vegas (planning an American road trip anyway). I think its more accurate that mil would feel miffed. No one else would give a toss!

OP posts:
kel1493 · 30/04/2017 20:23

I think it's a bit much to do pretty much another wedding.
If a couple really wants to renew their vows then there's no need to make a big thing of it. Unless they didn't for their actual wedding, in which case it may be nice.
But personally I think the whole idea of it is a bit daft and unnecessary. To me, wedding vows only need to be made once.

sooperdooper · 30/04/2017 20:25

I think having a wedding anniversary party is fun but a vow renewal is daft and attention seeking (especially if it's basically reenactinga wedding with outfits, first dance, sit down meal etc)

I'd think one if them had cheated or their lives were somehow unfulfilled/bored & they needed something to fill the gap

When we were planning our wedding I used to see brides on wedding forums taking about renewals as soon as they'd got married because they had nothing to do any more....

TheCraicDealer · 30/04/2017 20:25

Five years? What are they going to do for their tenth anniversary? Or fifteenth? Under normal circumstances five years is considered a short union, so if they feel the need to be reminding themselves of what they'd signed up to or think it's a landmark/achievement worth a big celebration it's hardly a good sign.

I'd assume 1. affair, 2. the couple either feels they didn't "do it right" the first time round, or 3. the wife is jealous of other friends getting married and wants to have another go at being "the bride".

If you're going to do it, keep it private and just invite people to the party. Anything else looks grabby and a bit attention seeking.

Riversleep · 30/04/2017 20:27

My wedding day was awful and is still my biggest regret (not the marriage- just almost everything about the day). If I could go back in time, I'd stand up for myself and do the whole thing differently. I wanted to renew my vows at 10 years but my DH said the same thing. That everyone would assume one of us had had an affair. I think even if we had done it, I don't think it would make up for me not having what I wanted on the actual day Sad.

allegretto · 30/04/2017 20:28

If I was going to Las Vegas I'd do it too OP! Plus dd would love to be a beidesmaid so it would be fun.

harderandharder2breathe · 30/04/2017 20:31

Naff, especially after such a short time, it's like they're surprised they've made it that far.

EatsShitAndLeaves · 30/04/2017 20:36

I don't understand it.

They were "vows" not to be broken - so why do they need renewing?

Frankly it seems totally self indulgent and crass to me. An opportunity to be bride/groom again for the day.

Personally I think my wedding anniversary is a private event between DH and myself. I don't need the world to celebrate it and don't either want to participate in someone else's revisitation of their big day and generally smuggery of being still married or more likely having stayed together post affair/breakup.

I've been invited to such nonevents and always declined.

I also accept that I am a grumpy bugger Grin

user0000000001 · 30/04/2017 20:44

Quiet, sorry was just putting the kids to bed.

DH deployed on short notice and we wanted to be married before he went to take care of a number of legalities so we popped to a register office with some friends, no family

When he got back, we had the big 'event' with family... and renewed our vows with family there to witness it.

Call me self indulgent/crass/naff/jealous and wantzing another go at being a bride (and that's just the last few posts...) or anything else.

It was the right choice for us.

user0000000001 · 30/04/2017 20:44

wanting

Quietwhenreading · 30/04/2017 20:45

user000 that sounds like a lovely and perfectly sensible reason. I can't think anyone would disagree.

MadameSimoneSartre · 30/04/2017 20:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EatsShitAndLeaves · 30/04/2017 20:47

User - that's different though.

That's more like postponing your wedding celebration until it was appropriate wrt your circumstances.

It's not like having a big wedding and then "renewing" a few years later.

I don't think what you described is crass.

John4703 · 30/04/2017 20:49

No need to renew your vows, they are for life.

Having said that my DW had breast cancer and had a boob and lymph nodes removed. As a result her left arm and hand are swollen with Lymphedema. She can't wear her wedding ring on that hand so wears wedding and engagement ring on her right hand.
We bought a new bigger wedding ring and asked the minister who married us to bless the new ring. He did it during a Sunday service and it was really special and romantic with loads of people congratulating us. If you need a reminder of how special your marriage is, can a celebration do any harm?

80sMum · 30/04/2017 20:49

I don't see the point of it, unless one of the marriage partners has been unfaithful and wants to publicly re-pledge their troth (or whatever it is nowadays!).

Violetcharlotte · 30/04/2017 20:51

I think it's naff. Sorry.

Big anniversary, as in 25 years would be acceptable, but not 5 years!

PerfectPeachy · 30/04/2017 20:51

Really naff and cringe'y,

User0000000001. That's different and definitely not naff or cringe'y 💕💕

Silver or Golden anniversaries are ok too along with if something has happened like a serious illness ( or affair Wink )

Tw1nsetAndPearls · 30/04/2017 21:20

I most cases it is at best self indulgent and a sign that somebody has had an affair. However there are times when it can be a lovely thing to do but rarely after 5 years

alonsypot · 30/04/2017 21:20

Sorry - I see "vow renewing" as attention-seeking nonsense from people who just want another party where everyone else sits bored stiff watching them vow love to each other all over again - very cringeworthy. Or yes, cheaters.

If you really solidly love each other, why would you need to say it in a ceremony to the world at large again?

I've known 2 people who did it, both in godawful marriages, I don't know who they were trying to kid.

Quietwhenreading · 30/04/2017 21:27

John how lovely. I bet there wasn't a dry eye in the house.

mrsBeverleygoldberg · 30/04/2017 21:28

Our wedding was completely ruined by our parents. We're unable to look back on it fondly or even look at the photos.
We are renewing our vows on holiday this year. I have a proper wedding dress as the first time was ruined by my abusive parents. It's a big anniversary for us, but it's a fresh start which is all about us. There's four people attending, us and our dcs. We're so excited!

mrsBeverleygoldberg · 30/04/2017 21:30

As far as I know we haven't had affairs. It's completely to do with our actual day and lead up being ruined .

clumsyduck · 30/04/2017 21:31

Vows are for life . Hence why iv not done it yet as that kind of commitment terrifies me . So also think it's naff
Smacks of wanting to relive the big day rather than anything actually meaningful

Anniversary parties are to celebrate the length of marriage surely

C0untDucku1a · 30/04/2017 21:31

The vegas thing sounds fun.

My parents renewed on the 25th anniversary. Full works, including the dress and Bms. They had a small wedding with reception in my grans living room that my gran totally controlled the first time and my mum was always really sad about that. She wore some godawful brown dress.