To ask what you miss most about pre-baby life?

[missb00]

Just that really. We are thinking about starting a family but want to know what you miss most about pre-parenthood??

Stomach muscles

I had lived my life and was ready for the life style change, even though I seem to make non sleepers

Having read too many trashy magazines I really thought after the birth people just popped back to their previous body - not true and not fixable ! I now look 3/5 months pregnant if I haven't done a poo have eaten, even though I lost all the weight I put on

This thread is really putting me off having kids!!

Not a mistake at all, obviously I love them and I'm glad I've had a family young and can hopefully do something else now with the rest of my life...

Funnily enough it's not my DH being a dick about me taking time out, it's everyone else. My DH encourages me to go out and do something just for me, but my sozzled parents like to stick their oar in, and also other mothers are pretty bad for it too. "Oh, you went to an exhibition all day in another town? How odd. How strange of you. Didn't you miss your children? Shouldn't you have taken them with you, perhaps they'd have enjoyed it. Really children do need their mother and do you really need to go to an evening class without them?" Sneer sneer. Don't even get me started on their reactions to me being a SAHM ("Oh, dear, I'm so sorry, was that some sort of... choice?") or that I'm intending to return to work ("Oh, how awful for you, children really do need their mother.") I think I'm just unlucky and attract bellends.

Finishing sentences, oh yes. I now just email my husband as I can never get a bloody word out loud.

In ye olde days and much luckier people today, they had/have FAMILIES and there'd always be a granmother or a cousin or an aunt or a sister or a friend or a villager to watch the kids for five minutes. It simply wasn't realistic to assume one sole single person could single-handedly raise the child without a smidge of input from anyone else. Those days are gone. I live in a main road, no 'playing out' here. The park will have 10 kids and 15 parents, all eagerly bellowing names and helping the kids climb stuff, good luck even getting NEAR the climbing frame, you have to elbow the parents out of the way. No one just chills out anymore. You can't let your kids go to the craft table alone, they might get eaten by sharks. Your kid probably won't be able to sit at the card-making craft day because all the chairs will be taken by paranoid parents.

I dunno. It's weird. You're expected to give up everything including your own oxygen and you get proper finger-wagged if you don't.

Sleep
Being able to do something without planning - spontaneity I guess.

However, it's still worth it, if that is what you are asking.
Also, it comes back once your dc are the age mine are now.

Not having a head full of everyone else's requirements

Only doing washing once a week instead of every sodding day

Doing what I wanted, when I wanted to.

TLDR:

Having kids today is harder than previous generations because we're expected to do absolutely everything alone and also be our child's shadow and never leave their side for a second, and if you do that you go mad, and if you don't do it all the other parents give you Looks which eventually drives you mad too.

By the way mine are 12, 9, 7 and 4. Things may get better as your DCs get older, provided you stop at 2.

My pelvic floor

Actually not a lot, just my perky boobs, breast feeding has made them a bit saggy. DH does his share and I still get me time, lie ins etc, we've given the DC the chores we hate and at £3 a week extra pocket money each they are cheaper than cleaners DD(8) is obsessed with cooking at the moment so I've not cooked anything in nearly a week and it's all been healthy tasty meals (slow cooker so barely even needs supervising) DS(12) has just presented me with a glass of wine and is helping DD, I'm not sure what he's after yet but some days being a mum is bloody lovely.

Baby stage I missed sleep, undisturbed baths and being able to just pop out, but baby stage really doesn't last that long and I get all those things again now.

I miss weekends where I didn't have to see anyone or really do anything, now as we live within 10 mins of both sides of the family I never get even one weekend day free as both sides complain if they go more than a few days without seeing dd. It's nice that she gets to have her family around while she is growing up but my god I would love to hermit away for a while!

Not worrying constantly - I love my 3 DC with all my heart but it is the vulnerability that comes from 'your heart walking around outside your body' that I'm not keen on. Obviously you don't know that feeling until after you have DC in order to truly appreciate the freedom / carefreeness beforehand.

Long weekend lie ins watching box sets

We occasionally ship them off to grandparents and have a box set day but now it feels like such a waste of time when we could do doing x y or z....

Eating something without toddler DD pointing to it and saying "yes yes yes" until I give her some. Pregnant again so soon I'll have 2 of the little buggers stealing my food.

Sleep. We lost fve years to sleep deprivation and could not go throught that again, so only have one child.

Child has never, ever slept past 5.30am.

And my career has been hugely compromised, no doubt about it.

Choosing what I want and eating it at a leisurely pace in restaurants. Can you tell we went out for lunch today!

Sweet sweet silence.

Spontaneity, freedom, the ability to live life how I want, quality time with my partner, Sleep and just general time to myself. I miss peace and quiet and I miss being able to be just me.

I miss movies. I miss nice restaurants. I miss exhibitions. I miss talking to other adults. I miss walks that take longer than 30 minutes, I miss hiking, I miss physical activity, I miss the gym, I miss work, I miss having money in my pocket and seeing my friends and being in places where I might make new ones. I miss people. I miss being with people.

You've just described exactly what I have now. Maybe not too bad now you put it like that.

Money, sleep. Holidays, time to myself.

We did have evenings together for about two weeks when ds started going to bed at 7, but then ss moved in and now we get one night a week together.

We will not be having any more children

For the first 5 years or so, sleep. Now? Not pissing myself on a regular basis, time alone with DP, noisy sex and sex in the daytime, newspapers, going out with DP rather than having to take it in turns to go to evening events alone, eating when I'm hungry, having the leisure to think, being able to do stuff spontaneously, having a career, being in an equal partnership.

The quiet, oh the quiet. And not being relentlessly questioned throughout the day on the same subject matter or a dozen different varieties of it.

Best thing in the world she is.

Shopping. Whole days of shopping...trying things on...not grabbing the first thing in whatever fairly rubbish shop or supermarket you happen to pass.

But this is pretty shallow! And I do get a big shopping fix a couple of times a year by taking a day off or going to Bicester with friends for the weekend.

It's hard, having kids. It was for me, anyway. The adjustment is hard. And a lot of the things people have said I agree with.

But I also agree with the people who say it's well worth it. Early days are hard, but it gets easier. We went out for a Chinese last night with 10, 8 and 8 year ok DCs. Everything gets easier as they get older from a 'doing things spontaneously' POV.

The beginning - you think you'll never get your old life back. But you can - or at least the bits that really matter to you, whether that's sport, eating out, shopping, travel - whatever. It might be changed slightly but you can still pretty much do most of it if you have a mind to.

And if I still just spent all my weekends buying clothes in bluewater and didn't have my little people...my life wouldn't be a fraction as good.

Not having to think before I do something. Not feeling guilty for having a duvet day. My previous screaming toddler ears (my poor ears lol) work! Adult conversation lol but I'd never change it!

Not feeling guilty about every.fucking.thing.