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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what you miss most about pre-baby life?

351 replies

missb00 · 30/04/2017 15:47

Just that really. We are thinking about starting a family but want to know what you miss most about pre-parenthood??

OP posts:
angryladyboobs · 04/05/2017 15:24

Sleep.

Uninterrupted sex.

Motorbike.

Changingagain · 04/05/2017 15:25

sleep

Doje · 04/05/2017 15:29

That moment when you get in from a day out / weekend away / holiday when you get home, and just sit. Sit in front of the telly with a cup of tea and a slice of toast.

It's now chaos. Soooo much laundry, so much stuff to unpack and the kids need decent food and worst of all, they want entertaining. Gah!

FrenchJunebug · 04/05/2017 15:34

spontaneity. Everything has to be organised in advance!

Original poster
missb00 · 04/05/2017 15:42

FurryTurnip that's a good one, little things I do now which I take for granted!

OP posts:
Mwnci123 · 04/05/2017 18:59

Uninterrupted sleep. Being grumpy and monosyllabic and idle on occasion without guilt. Otherwise everything is better.

angryladyboobs · 04/05/2017 20:14

@niangua

Erm. Do you like having kids at all?! Sounds like you can't stand being a parent.

Iwannasnack · 04/05/2017 20:19

Being able to be completely selfish.
Freedom.
I don't really miss going out for drinks, etc but the ability to go out if I wanted to.
Exotic holidays. Currently sitting on the sofa at Center parcs waiting for DD to give and and go to sleep before we put a DVD on. It's been fun but it's not exactly the Maldives.
I knew I was ready for kids and what I was giving up so wouldn't swap back to my old life. Well maybe for a day or two....

This thread has reminded me of that Michael McIntyre sketch about how people with and without kids leave the house!!

WineIsMyMainVice · 04/05/2017 20:20

Spontinayity

HomityBabbityPie · 04/05/2017 20:25

angryladyboobs

Judgy much?

MrsPeel1 · 04/05/2017 20:27

Many of the above but also not being touched all the time. I am constantly sat on, hung off, patted, stroked, poked, prodded, fondled, fiddled with, pulled, pushed... I miss being left alone. When the kids go to bed, I can't even bear to have the cat on my lap!

(But I also know that when they stop I will be sad)

lorelairoryemily · 04/05/2017 20:48

Honestly? I don't miss anything! Yet!! Only have one ds though he's 13months, but I really, really don't miss anything about my life before him. Probably not helpful...

Dothbutternoparsnips · 05/05/2017 07:39

A purely selfish brain. Everything being about you. Good times.

niangua · 05/05/2017 07:51

@angryladyboobs

Oo, and what a terrible crime that would be.

RiseToday · 05/05/2017 08:46

I miss -
My freedom
Lazy days
Being selfish
Alone Time

My DS is two and it's incredibly hard. I also run a business whilst having him at home full time. It's exhausting, relentless, he cannot do anything for himself, the tantrums, pressure to do activities every day, shitty nappies, the list is endless.

I hang onto the thought that as he gets older the pressure will (hopefully) ease a little. I live for the day that he can go to the toilet by himself, get himself a drink, go for a walk without running off, not need to be carried (my back is wrecked)

I think the early years of child rearing are just so unbelievably difficult and I was very naive and thought he would just slot into our lives with minimal disruption Hmm

I am also an anxious introvert so I think motherhood has presented some major challenges that I just wasn't prepared for.

qumquat · 05/05/2017 08:54

I didn't really miss anything as I was pretty miserable pre DC. I'm a raging insomniac so I'm no tireder post DC than pre.

I do wish I had done more with my pre DC life though. I wish I'd gone on more exciting and adventurous holidays. I wish I'd been on more wild nights out. I wish I'd spent more days watching g DVD's under a duvet.

LilacSpatula · 05/05/2017 09:19

I don't miss much. I spent 6yrs living a very carefree and happy life in London. Now we live outside London, and the main thing I miss is not having to do something every day.

Motherhood has bought, for me, an overwhelming sense that I should be doing something every day. Planning what I'm going to do feels quite stressful but I seem to have put that on myself.

In fact, having stated the above, I'm not going to take DD to her activity today. We can go for a walk instead. Smile

LilacSpatula · 05/05/2017 09:20

Argh! But that's still planning. Right, I'm not planning anything sigh

LexieLulu · 05/05/2017 09:49

Freedom.

Being able to go the shop and not think about who I'm taking, the ridiculously packed nappy bag with the hundred "what if" items.

Being able to say yes to a night out without ok-ing it with DH, or getting baby sitters.

The getting ready to go out without having to get a baby fed/bathed/ready for bed before you can even start. Putting on make up without a child on my knee.

Going the toilet without an audience.

Having a bath without the army climbing in to join me.

Going to work without having to answer the phone to nursery three times to tell me DS has ruined his top, DS has bumped his head, can I bring some more pants when I pick DS up as he's had two accidents.

I love my children to bits, but I miss my freedom so much.
I know my husband will argue with me over this, but I feel like it's changed my life so much more than his

BabyHamster · 05/05/2017 14:36

So interesting reading the responses.

I can honestly say at this stage (DD is one) I don't miss anything at all. I am really happy we decided to have her.

Everyone has different experiences though. I did smile at the PP who is having an easy time of it at nine weeks. That is completely opposite to my experience. The first 10-12 weeks were so miserable and incredibly difficult for me.

After that, things got so much better and friends have commented on how 'together' I seem now. The truth is that these days I am pretty happy and don't find it too hard but those early weeks really shook me. It sounds melodramatic but I do feel quite scarred by the experience and like a fundamentally different person!

Also, I realise this is a bit controversial but I'm glad I bottle fed. I wanted to breastfeed but gave up early due to endless problems. I was upset at the time but looking back I think it worked out for the best. It gave me so much more freedom to have the occasional day off while my mum/DH looked after DD At four months I started doing my hobby again two evenings a week while DH looked after DD, none of my friends who breastfed were able to do that. I have read stories on here of people who were able to do similar by expressing etc so I'm sure it can work, but that wasn't the situation for any of my 'real life' friends who breastfed.

nigelsbigface · 05/05/2017 14:53

I miss Not feeling guilty about almost everything.
Going to work-feel guilty for leaving them. Not there to see school play as at work-feel guilty. Too tired to cook them a healthy meal and force them to eat it one night-feel guilty. Getting frustrated by pre teen attitude and not always being serene and sailing through it-feel guilty. Going out without them-feel guilty.Spending even small amounts of money/time on me instead of them-feel guilty. Not being able to help them with their maths homework as it's bloody impossible-feel guilty.
The list goes on-I'm always questioning myself-am I a good parent? Am I doing it right? Am I giving them what they need? And I frequently feel like I could do better...it's a horrible feeling-feeling as if you could do better all the time.

And then the transverse of that is that when at work I can't give 100 per cent either as invariably a kid is sick, or I'm rushing to get through stuff so I can get home and get them to football practice, or I'm worried about one of them for some reason and I can't fully concentrate, or I'm just exhausted- so then I feel guilty about that too!!

Coastalcommand · 05/05/2017 15:42

Very little. That has been the biggest surprise. I used to go to bars and non baby places a lot. I don't miss them at all.
I love curling up with baby and hubby and keep turning down invitations to go out!

theSnuffster · 05/05/2017 15:52

Sleep. Quiet. Being able to have an uninterrupted conversation. Sex without worrying a child will walk in on us. Having a tidy house. My figure. My sanity.

mewkins · 05/05/2017 16:13

I am by no means the best mum nor an earth mother type but when I think about it, right now, I don't miss much about life before kids. It hasn't always been so... I was shellshocked for the first few years, but now my youngest is turning 3 I can honestly say that the kids have made me more patient, less selfish and made me realise the important things and work out what is real and what is just bullshit.
They are also a good excuse to spend time doing and appreciating the simple things. And every day feels like a bit of an achievement.

frazzlebedazzle · 05/05/2017 20:44

'the kids have made me more patient, less selfish and made me realise the important things and work out what is real and what is just bullshit.
They are also a good excuse to spend time doing and appreciating the simple things. And every day feels like a bit of an achievement.'

Love this^ Agree entirely!

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