Everything.
Literally everything.
We have no help, no doting grandparents (just a couple of sozzled alcoholics) so basically, where I go, the kids have to go. Smear test? Kids. Hairdressers? Kids. Only you can't take kids to a hairdresser so I just can't go anymore.
Like doing things? Maybe you like movies. Or drinks. Or eating out. Or local events. Or, I dunno, something, maybe you like SOMETHING, but unless that something is standing in the cold at the park pushing a swing or sitting on a baby chair at a toddler dance class, you're basically not going to be able to do it any more (unless you have a doting grandparent to watch the kid.)
My kids eat quite well, and we all eat as a family, but there are still things they genuinely don't like. So now none of us can eat noodles, or vegetarian meals, or courgettes, or sweet potatoes, because I'm not cooking two different meals and because everything has to please four different tastes, not just one or two. And once the food is served to three people, you'd be surprised at how little there is left.
So, yeah, I miss eating what I want. And feeling full.
I miss going out to somewhere that's not a park or a 'kid' thing. As an adult I am not interested in petting zoos, duck ponds and craft tables. I can't even pretend like some other parents can. It's Saturday. I used to play sport. I used to compete. I miss training.
I miss movies. I miss nice restaurants. I miss exhibitions. I miss talking to other adults. I miss walks that take longer than 30 minutes, I miss hiking, I miss physical activity, I miss the gym, I miss work, I miss having money in my pocket and seeing my friends and being in places where I might make new ones. I miss people. I miss being with people.
To combat this I take time for myself to go and do the things I want to do on my own. Great, huh? Well, sort of. Because I also miss being able to go out without a lecture, without a sigh, without a sneer. "Oh, you want to miss 'family time'?" Blah, I've had a week of 'family time', you want to wipe noses and arses and trip over the Duplo, you knock yourself out, go for it, but I am kind of over it. It isn't magical. It's mindnumbingly dull and I need a break. But no, here come the lectures. "You want to do something without the kids? Really? You twisted monster. How could you possibly want to do anything without a child attached to you?" The judgement, the sneers, the accusations of selfishness. I miss not having to listen to that.
I miss tidyness. I miss my books, which had to go into storage to make room for toys. I miss reading. I miss academia. I miss study. I miss attending lectures just for fun, and events at the bookstore. I miss art. I miss writing.
I miss silence.
I miss time alone. I am never alone. I was alone for a short period in the autumn of last year - a different city to my family - and it was amazing, seriously amazing, but I also realised I had literally not been alone for a fucking second in YEARS.
I miss evenings.
I miss spicy Korean food. I miss movies. I miss surfing and diving. I miss working hard on something, huge intense concentration and feeling really proud of the result.
I miss everything.