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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what you miss most about pre-baby life?

351 replies

missb00 · 30/04/2017 15:47

Just that really. We are thinking about starting a family but want to know what you miss most about pre-parenthood??

OP posts:
BentleyBelly · 30/04/2017 21:44

Sleep, spontaneity and silence

SouthPole · 30/04/2017 21:47

If we hadn't had the kids my husband and I would be equals career-wise.

But I took 7 years out to grow them and feed them and now I'm behind.

He earns 4X what I do now I'm scraping back into work again and now I want to try and work like a bastard to make it up he's being obstructive.

I've spoiled him by being the Alpha Carer whilst he built up his career, the good wife.

Now there's no space for me and my career.

So it's the equality I miss.

And everything everyone else said too!!

LetBartletBeBartlet · 30/04/2017 21:56

As a lone parent, in addition to plenty of the above: Dating (and sex)

toffeeboffin · 30/04/2017 21:58

Me being number one.
Meals in nice restaurants.
Fancy holidays.
City breaks.
Only having me to look after - checking someone else is fed, watered, nails are cut, arse is wiped 24/7.
Sleep.

clumsyduck · 30/04/2017 22:01

I was a young ish single mum and on the whole I don't miss much iv still achieved a lot since then thanks to a supportive family and despite been a shit partner ex is a good and involved dad

However I think I just miss not always been able to do what I when I want . Due to having some weekends free I do still to an extent get some of the freedom I did have ( in your face judgey bastards who look down on me for being a single mum . No not on here and yes that does still happen in 2017)

Sorry iv gone a tad off topic ! Yes that's the number 1 thing loss of just doing what I want when I want without so much planning

ItsTimeForDuggee · 30/04/2017 22:01

Just walking out the house a long with everything else

TallRedhead · 30/04/2017 22:04

Sleep
Sleeping off a hangover
Going out for a boozey lunch and that turning into a night out without having to organise a babysitter
Sleep
Cinema
Sex without worrying about children running in!
Sleep

But otherwise love the darlings and currently pregnant with number 3!
Wouldn't change a thing but those are the things I miss Smile

mrsBeverleygoldberg · 30/04/2017 22:07

Being skinny. Earning my own money.

But having my dcs was the best thing that ever happened to me.

mamaduckbone · 30/04/2017 22:15

Lie ins and boozy pub lunches.

ImogenTubbs · 30/04/2017 22:36

Freedom to decide what to do with my own time and being alone. I crave time to myself (and I get more of it than most mums on here, I think).

thuslyitwas · 30/04/2017 23:22

Like most other posters it comes down to money and time and not having enough of either. I work full time and it feels too much. My husband recently changed jobs so can help with some of the drop offs and pick ups which has been life changing for us. For me having a baby changed my life totally and my anxiety went through the roof. I'm just starting to resolve that now but it's bloody hard work.

It was a massive adjustment to become a parent. As a person I hated being called mum in the hospital and in the baby groups. It felt like I'd lost my identity.

I'd describe it like a bomb going off in your relationship- the stress of this tiny dependent human being who needs EVERYTHING done for them I found really difficult and it took a while for us to find our feet.

It's particularly hard as we have no family nearby but have a great bunch of friends who are very supportive and that's helpful- just as a stress relief and sounding board and providing brilliant support.

Patriciathestripper1 · 30/04/2017 23:27

Only having myself to think about and get ready in the morning.

kkkkaty123 · 01/05/2017 00:22

Has anyone said sleep 😴 Wink or spare cash !

noeffingidea · 01/05/2017 00:24

Freedom and not being responsible for another human being. I've been a parent for 28 years now, my youngest child has special needs and I'm her carer so it's an ongoing situation.

lizzieoak · 01/05/2017 00:31

Just having more disposable income I guess. But I wouldn't trade money for my kids in a million years, they are the best thing in my life (young adult and late teens now).

GrimDamnFanjo · 01/05/2017 00:37

Only having to worry about myself and DH.

AnnaT45 · 01/05/2017 08:17

Personal space. I've constantly got a child on my hip or at my feet. They are a baby and two though so hopefully this changes!

10storeylovesong · 01/05/2017 08:30

Obviously responses will change according to how much help you have and how supportive your dh is. I am extremely fortunate - and I do know how lucky I am - to have both sets of parents close by to lend a hand when I need it. Dh and I both work full time shifts, so he has had to be as hands on as me from the start. We are very equal when it comes to childcare. If I want to go the theatre or the gym I ask if he's home and if so he has ds. If he wants to go the pub to watch the football, I have ds. If we want to go to a gig together - one of the grandparents have ds. Again, I am well aware of how lucky we are and how this is certainly not the case for a lot of parents.

My point to the OP is that only you know your circumstances and your relationships - your experiences of parenthood will be your own and you have to make your own mind up if it is worth it for you!

farfarawayfromhome · 01/05/2017 10:41

Holidays where you sunbathe and read a book - will I ever have one again? i've had loads of these, it is possible.

DH and I take it in turns to do nap time so every other day one of us gets lots of lovely reading time. also we only have one DD and she's very self sufficient so will play next to us whilst one of us reads..

also, reading on the balcony at night when they are snoozing...i read a book a day on holiday!

take heart OP :)

frazzlebedazzle · 01/05/2017 11:33

Holidays where you sunbathe and read a book - will I ever have one again? i've had loads of these, it is possible.

DH and I take it in turns to do nap time so every other day one of us gets lots of lovely reading time. also we only have one DD and she's very self sufficient so will play next to us whilst one of us reads..

also, reading on the balcony at night when they are snoozing...i read a book a day on holiday!

take heart OP :)

Agree with this. All our (European) holidays have been brilliant so far. But also only one (toddler) DD.

Blueflowers2011 · 01/05/2017 11:48

Not easy with one.. but 2 is a complete game changer, especially if both terrible sleepers for the first few years.

Roomba · 01/05/2017 11:51

Reading. I ploughed through several books a week until I had kids. Although that only came to an abrupt halt after a had DS2, really. After DS1 I'd read whilst breastfeeding so still got through a book every couple of weeks. DS2 hated the noise of me turning pages, he never slept or napped anyway so I couldnt even read when I went to bed as I;d pass out from exhaustion within 4 seconds of putting my head on the pillow. Years later I still get interrupted five times every paragraph and pass out as soon asd I get to bed. I miss reading big thick novels so much Sad

Deciding to leave the house - standing up, putting coat and shoes on, grabbing small bag and then just walking about of the house. So simple! No yelling at other people to just get washed/dressed/shoes/turn that off/shoes/no I don't know how to do X in Minecraft/pack giant bag/SHOES!/coats/I don't know where the other shoe is DS/Hurry up we're late/coat & shoes... you get the idea.

Deciding to make something new for dinner and just making it, with no interruptions, discussion about what's in it or how 'bisgustin' it looks and no having to clean chewed food off the floor and bin 95% uneaten meals.

HomityBabbityPie · 01/05/2017 11:57

This thread has cemented my decision to stick with one child, no matter how many tiny newborns I see.

Note to self homity, newborns grow up!!

Oneiroi · 01/05/2017 12:07

Sleep and relaxing holidays! Totally worth it though.

theclick · 01/05/2017 12:57

Christ I wish this thread was around before I got pregnant/I had been smart enough to start it!