To ask what you miss most about pre-baby life?

[missb00]

Just that really. We are thinking about starting a family but want to know what you miss most about pre-parenthood??

jax you have posted exactly how I feel. Thank you.

I didn't go into parenthood blind, I come from a massive family, but boy was I naive about what it would entail. I can't remember the last time I didn't feel exhausted.

Being able to lie in. Even when I'm baby free I'm unable to sleep past 7.30, 8 if I'm really lucky!

Mostly I just miss the freedom to say 'shall we do this tonight?' and not have to think about anything else. We hardly ever went to the cinema pre baby and now I wish we'd gone every week!

Spontaneous decisions. Everything needed to be planned. Even now they are teens we still need to consider them.

Sleep. Wine. Going out with DH. My confidence. Being a person in my own right. Being valued. Good mental health. People listening to me rather than writing me off as a housewife. Peace and quiet. A tantrum and toddler violence free life.

That said, I wouldn't change him for Anything and it can't be that bad as I'm having another.

I was someone who said 'The baby will have to fit in with our lifestyle' I didn't have a clue!

I miss....

Spontaneity! and not just nights out and holidays but the ability to have a poo when I want on my own without someone either watching me or screaming and banging on the door!

My old 'get ready' routine, long baths and ages spent choosing an outfit, doing make-up/hair are a thing of the past.

Being able to leave the house within minutes of deciding to do so and with my handbag, just my handbag!

Having a lovely clean, tidy home with nice things.

Being able to go to the gym when I want.

Freedom in my career!! Freedom to arrive early, work late, and not have to worry about getting anyone else sorted before I leave home in the morning or need to race home in the evening.

Are you still tempted after all that OP?

Watching with interest (am on the fence myself)

genuinely relaxing holidays
being able to sit in my house without kids constantly knocking on the door (yes I'm glad they have friends and they are all nice kids but it gets annoying)

Oh missclark, I hate to say it but just you wait. We got to around 12 weeks with what we thought was the easiest baby in the world! We still went for meals out had lay ins we even had sex multiple times a week.
Now DS is 23 weeks old and I miss everything. I've never felt so alone in my whole life. I miss conversation with an adult, my self confidence, my figure, my drive, my love for my DH. I love my DS dearly but I really do miss it all 😢

Being able to sneeze without crossing my legs first

Sleep.

Lying in bed in the morning reading with a cup of tea beside me.

Being able to walk from the oven to the sink without tripping over a buggy, a toy dog, some duplo, my 2 year old.

Being able to walk into the room, remember something I've forgotten, and nip back upstairs to retrieve it.
I now walk into the room, realise I've forgotten something, and have to go through a 10 step "leaving negotiation" with 2 year old in order to retrieve said item; usually ending in bringing 2 year old with me, plus assorted teddies, who must first be carefully selected from among the deserving candidates, based on a complex weighting system of who has been upstairs already today, who are the current favourites, who is feeling lonely, and who is willing to stay behind to look after the others. I often then forget what we were nipping back upstairs for.

Brexit has nothing on this shit.

Being able to just pop out and socialise whenever I fancied, without having to organise anything in advanced. Oh and my size 6/8 body lol 😂

Liking my DH I'm now a sleep deprived ball of rage

Peace and quiet, sitting doing nothing and lie ins.

Sleep. Freedom. Independence. Peace. Money.

Wouldn't change it for the world!

Jax has it spot on. It's the relentlessness of it. I love motherhood, it's the best thing I've ever done. But small children do not give you a minute to catch your breath.

My flat stomach

Sleep, going to the toilet alone, being able to go to the toilet in public without a small voice yelling "Mummy went wee" repeatedly for around 10 minutes afterwards. Not owning lego to stand on in the middle of the night. Being able to go out with a small handbag instead of carrying everything but the kitchen sink (my Dad was a soldier and I swear he went to war with less than I need to get my toddler through an average day out). Not having to pick snot out of anyone else's nose.

Mostly it's the sleep though.

Why do so many people feel like they have to "warn" me it will change? I'm fully aware how demanding children of all ages are, I've worked in childcare all my life. (Yes I know it's different when it's your own, but I'm not blind to how challenging they can be).

i just wanted to give the OP a positive response. I'm happier than I've ever been and no matter what challenges lie ahead I uncategorically made the right choice having my baby. I'd hate for someone to miss out on that out of fear of change.

miss I think people like to scare people. You're right having children is amazing. Anyone could lift the horrors of work but most people navigate their way through the politics, bullying, pay inequalities etc without the amazing rewards of bringing up a human being.

* list not lift!

Not all of us feel like that shocked.

Definitely sleep. Before you have kids people talk a lot about the opportunity costs, all those things like holidays and clubbing that you can't do any more - but it took me till 3 years in even to miss those things, as up to that point I was too tired. Sleep is the first thing, and then just time during the day to catch your breath and especially to have an adult conversation. My kids were definitely already 3 and a half before I could have an adult conversation in bouts more than 20 seconds long while they were there. Having said that, if they sleep OK (and you can usually engineer that) they go to bed at half 7 and get up at 6 or 7 from about 3-5 months onwards so you do get your evenings back.

It's odd but I don't relate to much written on this.

And I'm not a newbie. I'm a single mother of a 4 and 7 year old.

I suppose it depends on the type of person you are.
I LOVED my pre children life. But...

I never slept in. Ever
I'm not keen on spontaneity. I was and am meticulous in planning.
I loved going out but was also a gym bunny. And I still manage to go out and gym. Not as much though. Then again I'm in my mid thirties, I wouldn't WANT to go out as much as I did pre children in any event.

I have a wonderful group of friends that I have made since having children with other mothers. Supportive, fun, unjudgemental.

I had no trouble getting my figure back. In fact I'm skinnier now than pre children but that's not great as I concede im looking a bit scrawny.

My children are as absorbing and time consuming as any other! However I suppose I have found that because of my take on sleep, spontaneity etc, there's just not much I miss pre children. Generally speaking, I enjoyed life pre children and I enjoy life post children (plus the added bonus of having my children in my life!)

Having said all that, what JJ does identify something I DO miss.
Headspace.
Excellent post JJ

I am amazed that a few of you have identified with my post, I honestly thought I'd be told off for being ungrateful for my kids and sounding like a bad mum. For the record I had 3 babies in 3 yrs, eldest now 4, so the intensity can be overwhelming a number of times every day.

I was thinking blinkyblink when I read your post that what you are saying is equally true to what I said. You just need to catch me on the right moment and that would be my response!

It's a bit of a rollercoaster being a mum. It's intense.