To think breastfeeding has made no difference to my dd and is massively overrated in terms of benefits?

[Placeanditspatrons]

I've nearly driven myself to a breakdown feeding my dd. She is 16 months now and I'm still feeding. She has been ill more times and worse than my formula fed from four months son. She does not recover any faster and she catches anything I get and gets it worse, despite supppsedly the antibodies passing to her and either preventing or reducing the severity of the illness.

I know it's anecdotal and the studies say overall bf babies are healthier but how much healthier? I mean I we talking one less cold? One less ear injection? Statistically? Many of my friends have said similar. Again anecdotal but I can't help wondering - after the colostrum which is more important I guess - does it really make any noticeable difference?

From the British Pregnancy Advisory Service:
"The wealth of literature on the health benefits of breastfeeding versus formula feeding strongly suggests that breastfeeding has a relatively protective effect against certain infections. However, when this effect is quantified, it is appears small. Meanwhile other claims about breastfeeding, such as those related to IQ or behaviour, are so strongly influenced by wider socioeconomic factors that it is very difficult to isolate feeding method as the cause.

While it is legitimate to say that, all other things being equal, breastfeeding is the 'healthier' option, it is not legitimate to overstate claims about the health properties of breastfeeding or to use these as a way to restrict women's choices about how to feed their babies. Nor is it legitimate to deny that there are some very real disadvantages to breastfeeding, which is why most mothers continue to rely on formula feeding in the early months."

The benefits of breastfeeding are not marginal at all but no one on MN whose baby is formula fed need get upset about it. Just do what you choose. Most women give up breastfeeding very early int he UK. I find that very sad indeed. I enjoyed breastfeeding in each case to about a year to 18 months and the babies gave up on me, not vice versa. I never felt pressure at all to breastfeed. Most women give up so surely the pressure is the other way with people saying it's awful or dirty or sexual or shoudl be hidden away. We live in a very non accepting culture for those of us who breastfeed so it's interseting so many women on here feel pressured into breastfeeding. If the pressure is that way why do so many women give it up? The pressure obviously doesn't work.

I also breastfed my first baby. I am pregnant again and would like to breastfeed this baby too. And I supplemented with formula as and when I saw fit and will have no qualms in doing so again.
In western society the benefits of breastfeeding really are quite marginal compared to say the benefits of safe sleeping practices or immunisation.

runs and hides
Breastfeeding posts scare me!

Bf is hard but yes definitely worth persisting as long as you can. One big statistic stands out is that It helps reduce cancer risks for mum as well as baby for later in life.
I had to stop when DD was 3y3m old because it hurt so much towards the end of every menstrual cycle. We struggled to establish breastfeeding through tongue tie and all sorts so I sympathise with feeling fed up.
Things that helped loads were going to NCT breastfeeding support groups and checking everything was correct like latch and positioning and learning new ways as she got bigger and heavier. The emotional support there was hugely important too. Seeing other mums and babies face to face with similar struggles and sharing support made all the difference.

I'm not sure if anyone else mentioned it, but having an older child in the house is more likely to expose her to all the germs that kids get when they are in contact with other kids and muck. If you/partner commute on public transport or work with a lot of people, you're picking up germs which may not make you ill but might affect your DD who is still building an immune system.
When DD started nursery at 1 yr she was constantly catching bugs of every sort and passing them to us and everyone back at work kept passing around bugs. I noticed that several of my male colleagues fail to wash their hands with soap after using the loo so no wonder every one was suffering.
I hope you'll feel some more support from various parenting communities and the lurgies will ease up soon!

DH and I were talking about this not long ago. I breastfed both DCs and most of my friends breastfed theirs. I recall it being lovely and working for us, so we stuck with it. I vaguely remember being a bit tired, but expected it because that's parenting generally.

DH's recollection of it was that I was exhausted for a year (DS2 always felt that sleep was beneath him so would take power-naps for 15 minutes then spend hours awake in the middle of the night just smiling at me because he enjoyed the utter despair as I whispered "for the love of god, Satan, just sleep") and that if he could go back he'd have encouraged me to express far more and even perhaps bottle feed at night so that he could have felt as though he helped or had some role to play in reducing my exhaustion. I had no idea he felt that way.

Both DCs are the silliest children in the free world, so the stuff about them being smarter is clearly wrong. If I had my time again I think perhaps I'd have gone easier on myself when it was time to stop; I kept holding on thinking "I'll just do another month" when really, I should have admitted to the exhaustion.

As someone who was very open to formula feeding but got on very well with breast feeding and exclusively fed until almost two. (As in didn't have formula - had cows milk after one) I am very pro breastfeeding but also wonder about the benefits being overhyped - not the studies but sometimes it is so massively hyped up that it couldn't possibly live up to expectations.
Saying that, I loved the feeling of feeding my baby and seeing him so content and although most of the comments about maternal mental health on this thread imply that breastfeeding has a negative impact on maternal mental health, I thought studies had shown bf had a slight protection against post natal depression?
It was the time I relaxed the most in the early days. (Though maybe a bottle would have given me the same effect in placating the screaming newborn?!).

Fb is demonstrably better for you & your child on average. Things like risks of ovarian cancer in the mother - think are 2% in the general population but 1% if you bf. If all mums did bf & overall population risk would reduce by 4,000 per year - which is a lot if you think of 4,000 fewer women suffering with ovarian cancer, but doesn't seem much when you're own risk profile is reduced by just 1%. And of course it reduces risk, I know mums who've bf who've had ovarian cancer. It's the whole thing that population-wise it's definitely important & for that reason (amongst others) bf needs to be supported for those who want to & those who are considering it need to be fully informed in order to make an informed decision for the health of themselves & their babies. Formula isn't poison & is life saving in many cases, but does have higher risks associated. Everything in life has risks, infant feeding is one aspect of child rearing & just one of the risks we consider of the hundreds/thousands over the course of our kids childhoods! It shouldn't be under or over estimated to make anyone feel better cos that'd be lying & ultimately unhelpful in the long run.
There's other factors such as lifestyle & genetics & I just think if you know there's an increased risk of obesity long term with formula feeding, then you can take steps to address it - inform yourself, do responsive bottle feeding, DONT USE HUNGRY BABY MILK(!!), model a healthy and actively lifestyle for your children etc etc, esp if you struggle with obesity, or diabetes in your family. You just do what u can & mental health is so important too xx

It's the pressure that as mothers we put on ourselves because naturally we all want the best for our children that is not beneficial or healthy. I bfed my youngest ds till he was 2 years old by that point everyone was telling me that I should stop. Either way you can't win just do what is best for your baby and you. Without a healthy mum there is no milk.

I think bf is protective generally vs pnd but have seen mums struggle with it - esp early on when struggling with weight gain, pain etc, or when mum wants to stop & baby/toddler/preschooler not stopping without a fight! Stopping bf needs to be a place where mums are suppprted too imo

I could have fed our DDs on condensed milk + sugar water + Haribo from Day One, and they would still have enjoyed a far, far better lifestyle and various social/academic benefits, than a baby born to uneducated parents living in poverty, that was BF from Day One.

Didn't your husband cheat to get his degree? Hope that's not been part of the "various social/academic benefits" provided.

Hear, hear MsG&W.

What a nasty post.

Just Stop - those saying this really dont understand.

I understand, I breast fed for 28 months, not that long through choice but through a bf addict in DS1. I was sleep deprived and honestly felt like I was going to die during that whole time.

It was not easy to stop, it took a long, long time for DS1 to forget about breasfeeding. I was even breastfeeding 2 babies as they have 18month apart and weaned the DS2 off it first at 3 months and onto bottle milk, a much easier process at this stage.

I dont see many differences, the breast fed one gets sick 50% more than the bottle fed one. Yes I know this is not a comparison but I do wonder some days. I would never want to go through this feeling again.

Do what you have to do - if you intend on trying to stop then it gets easier once they start to understand better.

In answer to the question on your post - i am totally undecided too, it seriously affected me and took me a long time to recover from on demand bf 24/7.

Good luck.

God yeah, all those povvo parents spewing out disdvantaged kids. They should be shot.

Far rather see them born into a family with a failed minge waxer and an alcoholic who cheated on his degree, eh?

I breastfed for 2 yrs , even though at the start I thought it was a living hell, my son has autism with learning difficulties, and has a horrendous ear infection lately, typical! The breastfeeding fairy must have passed me over when she were giving out the brain development and health benefits fairy dust.

I've known both FF and BF babies to get ill a lot. To me it's always seemed like luck of the draw.

I BF my DD for 3 months and then switched to formula. She has always slept and ate well, rarely gets ill and grows like you wouldn't believe. I don't know if any of that is down to the breastmilk she received or if it's just genetics and environment. I don't particularly care. She's happy and healthy, and that's all that matters.

For me it will always boil down to: do whatever makes you the happiest. If BF makes you miserable, stop. Don't compromise your mental health.

Somebody obviously thinks getting everything also wipes memories. Nothing to be smug about there, poly 'degree' and a cheater.

Getting everything deleted. FFS.

I breast fed DS until he was 2.5 years old. I absolutely believe it's the best thing for newborns/young infants (just my personal opinion and I have no issue with other people feeling differently) but I myself have sceptical thoughts about the health benefits as the infant gets older.

When DS was about 24 hours old the midwives gave him an ounce of formula because I couldn't get him to feed and I cried my eyes out as I watched it. I felt like I had really let him down.

My first 6-8 weeks of breast feeding were hell, life and me were pretty miserable, I do not have good memories of it.

People have different reasons/motivations behind their feeding choice and that's fair enough.

I'm currently pregnant with DC2 and fully intend to BF again and I'm just hoping it's a bit easier this time round

Oh help, a breastfeeding thread....
(Hides behind sofa)

you have done brill to carry on,but dont kill yourself, stop if you want toxxx

I bf'd my eldest two and ff the youngest (I developed a health issue and did not produce prolactin third time around). Youngest is far, far healthier in terms of colds, respiratory infections etc - however, I put this down to moving out of London rather than the feeding method.

Bf is nice (if you can do it) and saves money, but it isn't everything.

I agree that it is very difficult to untangle the class benefits from the benefits just from breastfeeding

In my case breastfeeding saved my life. I wanted to breastfeed my son through to at least six months and hopefully until he was a year. We were doing well until a few months in he started to lose weight. I asked for drugs to boost my supply, my GP agreed on the condition that we invesigate the cause of my lack of supply. After months of investigating we discovered that I had a rare form of cancer. It was picked up before it spread to another organ and I am now recovering from surgery and hopefully cancer free. I have read other stories of cancer being detected because of breastfeeding.

Of course most people don't get cancer but for me deciding to breastfeed my son was the best thing I could she done for me and my whole family.

I'm sorry you've had such a struggle, OP. Are there any local Baby Cafes or other drop-ins where you can talk things through?

Breastfed babies are not 'healthier' than formula-fed babies. They are the biological norm (as in, that is the way human babies are evolved to feed). Therefore, it would be more accurate (but contentious) to say that formula-fed babies may be at risk of being unhealthier than bf babies. They are more likely to get infections, stomach upsets, allergies and so on. They won't have the antibodies that cannot be replicated by formula, but which are in breast milk. Breast is not 'best', it's 'normal' for humans.

Your DD - or any one baby - might have a genetic predisposition towards all sorts of things - eczema, asthma, being affected quite strongly by viruses, etc - breastmilk isn't going to reverse that predisposition but it will protect against getting other illnesses or infections.

And all babies are individuals, so while I really appreciate your struggle, it's a bit meaningless for you to say she is doing 'worse' than your formula fed son. He is different from her, they are two separate children with unique genetic make-up.

Sorry if I've offended anyone here. I'm a bf peer supporter working in an independent infant feeding drop-in (we welcome ALL parents and babies, incidentally, we're not there just for breast-feeding). I try to tell it like it is because the whole 'breast is best' line does nobody any favours. Breastmilk is the biological norm.

You have done brilliantly by feeding for soo long and now could be the time to stop, for your own sake. Your body has done an amazing thing and now your health both mental and physical must come first.