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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think some people have more money than sense

184 replies

hollyvsivy · 29/04/2017 23:07

An old school friend posted on Facebook earlier about taking her four kids plus two nephews out for the day. There was no special occasion yet they all went out for breakfast, stopped for drinks at Starbucks, ate lunch out, bought new toys and then a teddy from build a bear each to take home. Someone commented on how their DC loves build a bear too and she replied how she'd spent £250 in there on the six bears That's two weeks food shopping money for me.

AIBU to hate these kind of braggy posts and such wasting of money when so many people could use the money so much better?

OP posts:

Nessie71 · 30/04/2017 06:52

So she spent roughly £41 on each child for a nice day out...you could of spent that going to the zoo for the day! Sorry but what has it got to do with you? Maybe she was posting of how expensive it was.

LedaP · 30/04/2017 06:55

The majority of fb posts could be seen as braggy. There will be someone, somewhete, who cant do whatever you are posting about.

You sound really jealous and bitter. My dh wouldnt give a shit if i spent a fortune on a day with the kids and my nieces.

Maybe her husband is a man who who views her position as sahm as equal to his. Like all parents who work out of the home should. He works away. He couldnt if she wasnt a sahm.

You would hate me. In a month i give up work to become a sahm to 2 school age kids and have full access to dhs good income from our business. He wouldnt give a shit if i spent money on what i felt was a good day out. He certainly wouldn't dictate to me what a good day out is.

Spending a fortune doesnt make her a better parent. But neither does not spending money. Its perfectly possible to be a shit parent in both situations. Like its possible to be a great parent in both situations.

MrsKoala · 30/04/2017 07:02

This thread is so odd. My dh works long hours and doesn't see us in the week. My parents live in the next village and help me out a lot. I often spend/do all that in a day (not the build a bear, but take the kids to toys r us to choose a toy on the way home). I may put some pics on FB if we go to particularly nice/fun castle/museum/place (i don't list how much it cost). My dh encourages us to go out and do things. He says he loves the thought of us all having a nice time while he's working.

We are lucky that we can afford it. I never thought it was a waste of money or that someone else would give a shit other than that looks nice

Smeaton · 30/04/2017 07:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lanaa · 30/04/2017 07:15

I actually don't think it's bragging. The friends were just sharing an insight of their day on Facebook. Tbf going out for the day, having breakfast, multiple Starbucks and buying a few treats is normal. Nothing to brag about at all. The friend who posted about spending £250 in build a bear may have been doing it out of shock. I remember the first time I went there with my Goddaughter, we went mad, picking bears, roller skates, outfits and even fucking knickers. I don't even think to check the prices, cos they're just teddies, right? I almost fainted when it cost £200 at the end. I posted on Facebook out of shock, not to brag.

user1471452804 · 30/04/2017 07:15

I know people who put pictures of new, expensive handbags etc on FB. These are 40 plus year old women with good jobs - I have had a purge and got rid of them, life is too short.....

Parker231 · 30/04/2017 07:23

Why is it bragging to post on FB that they have had a nice day out and the children made a bear? Our family use FB a lot as we live in different parts of the world and it's a great way of updating family and friends what we're up to.

Oysterbabe · 30/04/2017 07:25

The problem is she's not using FB properly, you should send her here for some guidance.

You can't post about nice things that have happened because that's braggy. But you also can't post about bad things that have happened because that's attention seeking. You need to aim for posts that will attract no interest or comments. Some examples:
I see the postman has a new van.
It's a bit cloudy today.
I'm going to try and get home in time for Emmerdale.

You can't post about things that you have like children or a new house because some people can't have children or buy a house. Before posting think about whether there is anything in your post that some people might not have, how your posts make every single other person on the planet feel is key.

Posting photos can be a bit of a minefield. You can post selfies as long as they aren't particularly flattering, maybe you have a slight doublechin or haven't put on any makeup. You can post food pictures as long as the food doesn't look very tasty and isn't expensive, chicken nuggets, overcooked oven chips and beans is fine.

Anyway just a few pointers you can pass her way. With a bit of effort we can get Facebook back to it's true purpose, providing a dispassionate account of unremarkable events.

BoomBoomsCousin · 30/04/2017 07:29

Oyster you can't post that you're going to try to get home in time to watch Emmerdale. That's clearly bragging that you have a TV .

LedaP · 30/04/2017 07:42

oyster sorry to correct you but your list is all bragging

Postmans new van - lucky you to be at home to see your postman, dont you know many people never see their postman due to working all day.

Its cloudy here - its pissing it down where some people are. Or possibly glorious sunshine and some people hate that and would love some clouds.

Getting home for emmerdale - some people work lates/nights and would loveto have even a chance to be hime for emmerdale. Or they cant afford a TV.

PoorYorick · 30/04/2017 07:43

From now on, I will post nothing on Facebook except pictures of myself in sackcloth and ashes, screenshots of my overdrawn account on online banking and detailed accounts of my most disgusting and debilitating illnesses.

Then OP and those like her can be happy!

LedaP · 30/04/2017 07:47

poor then you will be labelled attention seeking. The only way to not be judged and talked about is to never post on fb at all. About anything.

Even then people will wonder why you dont post (what the point in having it type stuff) or complain you dont have it.

You cant win.

CrowRoad · 30/04/2017 07:49

YANBU to think that build a bear is a waste of money.

YABU to think that her posting about HER day out on HER FB account is bragging. She had a nice day with the kids fgs and put the value of BaB because it's shocking but they did it for the kids anyway. Chill out.

And judging her on here about how she spends her money? It says far more about you than her.

I'm a bit sick of people always commenting that people boast on social media. I can't imagine many people post images of expensive things or nice holidays thinking "ooh let's make my friends really jealous of me and rub their nose in what they haven't got." It's just that they're having a good time, they're happy, and they want to document it.

When I see posts about someone enjoying lovely things/having nice times/getting a step up in the world, I'm genuinely happy for them - why aren't you?

TheNaze73 · 30/04/2017 07:52

Staggering post

youarenotkiddingme · 30/04/2017 07:53

Some people have the money to do that - some don't.

I don't have £125 a week for shopping like you say you do.

But my life is fine - I make my own fun and happiness and it doesn't rely on what others have or don't have.

Aderyn2016 · 30/04/2017 07:55

Firstly, looking after 4 small children full time is working.

Secondly, how that couple divide up the necessary labour of earning money and looking after their children, is their business and not yours.

Thirdly, given that she is doing her bit, the money belongs to both of them. If her h was pissed off, then he would have no right to be unless the build a bear money was earmarked for the gas bill or something!

Fourthly, going out with 6 kids is pricey. She didn't spend that much imo given that it had to cover lots of children. Going to starbucks for breakfast is not that decadent!

Stop being a bitch. It just shows you up.

CrowRoad · 30/04/2017 07:56

Italics fail!

My post above was supposed to emphasise think in the first para. We all naturally make snap judgements in our heads but that's where they should stay imo.

FritzDonovan · 30/04/2017 07:57

it's always just about the name dropping of the place
OMG, you're right! Starbucks, I'm so jealous!

MaisyPops · 30/04/2017 08:00

YABU- To be quite so wound up about a Facebook update that is "took kids and nephews out for the day. Wasn't it nice!" I like seeing good things that people are getting up to. Much nicer than checkin at the hospital and then when people say "you ok hun?" Replying "I'll inbox you" like it's some big fucking secret.

YANBU- If they have started sharing monetary figures in their posts or have a habit of bringing up money on posts. I would find that a little bit "ok... you wish to announce your money. That's odd". Not enough to be as annoyed as you, but I'd probably decide they're quite insecure.

PoorYorick · 30/04/2017 08:00

Leda, OK. How about if I add a filter to the pictures of my overdrawn account or open sores?

LedaP · 30/04/2017 08:04

Leda, OK. How about if I add a filter to the pictures of my overdrawn account or open sores?

That may help.....but then i am sure some people wont have the same filter and that will make them feel bad.

PoorYorick · 30/04/2017 08:13

That may help.....but then i am sure some people wont have the same filter and that will make them feel bad.

CURSE THE ENDLESS COMPLEXITIES OF MODERN LIFE!

Zoflorabore · 30/04/2017 08:15

Possibly all paid with credit cards, maybe not, who cares! It doesn't affect you so wouldn't worry about it.

I've also recently left fakebook.

vdbfamily · 30/04/2017 08:17

When my kids were small, we survived on one average income and all their clothes were from charity shops or hand me downs and all our holidays were staying with friends and family etc. I had some very wealthy friends who bought what they liked when they liked etc. I took a view that all sorts are important to keep the economy going. Not everyone can buy second hand or all our shops would go out of business. If they have money to burn then let them as it pays wages etc.

Crispsheets · 30/04/2017 08:17

I pay for everything on credit card but pay in full every month. And get up to £500 a year in John Lewis for doing it.
Most people i know do the same...Making credit cards work for them rather than the other way round.

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