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AIBU?

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Original poster

Did something very silly, please advise

362 replies

WhydoIfeelWeirdaboutthis · 29/04/2017 15:25

Went for a boozy work lunch yesterday (I work in banking, it was with my bosses) but held it together. My boss who is significsntly more senior than me then took us all out for a drink after. Everyone was fairly tipsy but holding it together.

I made the mistake of staying for one more drink with my boss after the others had left. One turned into another and then another, got progressively more drunk. He is married but separated I think and things are bad. I'm single and was being nice to him; guess he took this the wrong way as he then made a comment about how he knew what I was doing but was resisting (?) and kissed my cheek. I put him right and said that although he was attractive i wasn't interested. He also said I looked hot at various points in the evening.

We ended up going to a club at his suggestion (just us) and staying out. I missed plans I had with a friend as was very drunk.

I feel completely awful about it today even though nothing really happened (have a horrible feeling we may have held hands at some point?!), I'm not sure what I was thinking. I really wasn't after him but was just being nice - I can see how it would look that way though. I am scared I have lost his respect.

I was sick in the toilets at one point. I am worried about how to act when I get back to work. I feel like I have compromised my integrity.

OP posts:
GahBuggerit · 29/04/2017 16:45

You forced him to smoke? Like pinned him down, forced a cig into his mouth and inhale?

Look, it was a bit of ego boosting flirtations on both sides, nothing will happen, no one has done anything wrong, he will be feeling much worse I bet. Seriously let it goooooooooo.........let it goooooooooo..............

Jux · 29/04/2017 16:49

Well, really, he's senior to you and shouldn't have indulged you. He should have been responsible and sent you home when you were still sober enough to get there safely and alone.

So, both of you are probably shitting yourselves now and hoping that neither of you really did that, or that and hoping the other won't remember. He's probably think "OMG, what if she tells my boss I took her drinking and dancing? What if she tells everyone I got her drunk and propositioned her? Did I proposition her? What was I thinking ?"

Be brave. Smile. Laugh it off. Don't be embarrassed, that's the worst reaction on Tuesday.

Obsidian77 · 29/04/2017 16:49

He's a partner, you're a grad and your share an office? [misses point of thread]
He won't be shocked or embarrassed by your behaviour, this is not an industry full of people with high moral character.
You will find yourself in similar situations again, make sure you have a handle on your drinking or you will not progress careerwise.

TupperwareTat · 29/04/2017 16:51

Style it out, shrug your shoulders and say you were out the night after as well, and you had a good weekend.

He might not remember all of it, it could have been a LOT worse.

Its fine.

Pitbull · 29/04/2017 16:52

You got drunk, it was your choice. So why are you crying now?
Just stop your whining.

GahBuggerit · 29/04/2017 16:54

I guess my first thought isn't that this is a 'bad' man.

Plus I'm not sure it would help op to think he's some sort of inappropriate calculating letch given she has to work quite closely with him when it's is just as likely (more likely given most men are decent) that it was just cringe worthy flirting.

I suppose time will tell though as I imagine in banking there are quite a few after work drinks.

Beeziekn33ze · 29/04/2017 16:57

'He's married but separated you think and things are bad.'
'He has a beautiful family.'

And you know this because...??

Sounds like gossip from the ladies' loo.

morningconstitutional2017 · 29/04/2017 16:57

I wouldn't feel too bad about it. Learn from the experience and don't repeat it. I'm sure your boss will be feeling equally embarrassed. Just be professional and jovial about it and it will soon blow over. Most things do.

PhyllisNights · 29/04/2017 16:57

It's fine at the moment, but if you get to work and he advances on you, and you feel uncomfortable about it, then I would record some details. It could come in handy if you ever need to escalate it to HR.

Elphaba99 · 29/04/2017 16:57

OP, your Beer Fear is winding you up to epic levels of guilt. I'm doing my Mum Face at you.

Now. Read the v good advice that people are giving you, take a breath, get some fresh air and have a nice cuppa.

This man has WAY more to worry about than you do. You didn't force him to do anything. Many of us have no doubt done much more alcohol fuelled flirting than this (I certainly did in my youth) and I bet none of us lost our jobs as a result.

He is NOT going to tell your supervisors. He has WAY more to lose than you do. By Tuesday afternoon you'll feel much better.

Now calm down, and thank the Beer Fear for its input but tell it that these thoughts are unhelpful and temporary. You'll be fine. But next time, ease back on the drink and leave when everybody else does. Brew

propertypriceguide · 29/04/2017 16:58

Charming Pitbull I am guessing you have never made any mistakes in your life then Hmm.

OP he will be a lot more worried about his job and others finding out as he is in the senior position of that I am sure.

GahBuggerit · 29/04/2017 16:59

Kin ell Pitbull harsh much? Beer fear is debilitating for at least 24 hours! 24 hours of writing your resignation 5 times, looking for another job, curling up into a ball, sweating, and wondering how you are going to live when you obviously can't leave the house ever again.

Not that I've ever done this Hmm

Goingtobeawesome · 29/04/2017 17:01

Sounds very drama llama. If you're a graduate you're old enough to own your behaviour and be honest about what you did and what you want.

PhyllisNights · 29/04/2017 17:03

Let's not victim blame the OP. The older man in a senior role could later turn things around and say that she had insinuated it. I've seen it happen before.

NotYoda · 29/04/2017 17:03

Phyllis

Yes. I agree she needs to be savvy here

Original poster
WhydoIfeelWeirdaboutthis · 29/04/2017 17:04

So what do you recommend I do? Goes without saying I won't put myself in compromising position again. What else?

OP posts:
user1492728351 · 29/04/2017 17:05

Just gonna say this kind of behaviour isn't really that bad because all you did was dance and go to a club, he was there too so he can't judge and if he had fun he'll look at you with good memories of a fun night. However this kind of behaviour suits someone who is cool enough to not panic and remain that way when you next see him, just smile when you see him, ask how his weekend was and get back to being professional at work, if you act immature THEN he won't take you seriously because he'll know you can't do both, work hard and play hard.

Elphaba99 · 29/04/2017 17:05

Do nothing. Style it out on Tuesday, just like everyone has suggested.

Peanutbutterrules · 29/04/2017 17:06

Elphaba is spot on.

Calm down, he's not some helpless lad, he is senior and should have been a lot more responsible.

Big smile, act like nothing happened, because it didn't.

Be more in control next time.

Original poster
WhydoIfeelWeirdaboutthis · 29/04/2017 17:06

I have a horrible feeling I held his hand as we were walking. Oh god oh god

OP posts:
GahBuggerit · 29/04/2017 17:07

There's no victim of anything though? Apart from 2 victims of the 24 hour feeling of shame that is! Very grim feeling, glad my life is very boring now!

PhyllisNights · 29/04/2017 17:09

I agree. Pretend as if nothing happened. If he brings it up then be polite, but shut down the conversation from going any further.

Work colleagues go out and get drunk together all the time. Embarrassing situations are bound to happen. When you're feeling hungover the next day, the paranoia kicks in and looking back at it can sometimes make it seem much worse than it actually was.

GahBuggerit · 29/04/2017 17:10

Do nothing op. Absolutely nothing, just be how you usually are.

NotYoda · 29/04/2017 17:11

Yes, do nothing. Write down what happened.

If he raises it, just say that you hope he understands you are not interested in him and you regret getting drunk. Write down what he says.

Arkhamasylum · 29/04/2017 17:11

OP, you need to stop thinking about this while you've got the horrors. Get yourself some carbs. Get a cup of tea and watch some telly. You had too much to drink that's all. Next week you'll have forgotten all about it.

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