Did something very silly, please advise

[WhydoIfeelWeirdaboutthis]

Went for a boozy work lunch yesterday (I work in banking, it was with my bosses) but held it together. My boss who is significsntly more senior than me then took us all out for a drink after. Everyone was fairly tipsy but holding it together.

I made the mistake of staying for one more drink with my boss after the others had left. One turned into another and then another, got progressively more drunk. He is married but separated I think and things are bad. I'm single and was being nice to him; guess he took this the wrong way as he then made a comment about how he knew what I was doing but was resisting (?) and kissed my cheek. I put him right and said that although he was attractive i wasn't interested. He also said I looked hot at various points in the evening.

We ended up going to a club at his suggestion (just us) and staying out. I missed plans I had with a friend as was very drunk.

I feel completely awful about it today even though nothing really happened (have a horrible feeling we may have held hands at some point?!), I'm not sure what I was thinking. I really wasn't after him but was just being nice - I can see how it would look that way though. I am scared I have lost his respect.

I was sick in the toilets at one point. I am worried about how to act when I get back to work. I feel like I have compromised my integrity.

I agree with what others have said too; if he was that drunk he probably won't remember half of it. And what he does remember won't be very clear. He'll probably be too worried about what HE might've done to worry about what you said.

Honestly - stop worrying so much - you were both really drunk - he knows that. The best thing you can do when you're at work is be cool and professional and do NOT make an issue out of it.

I don't want him to think I fancy him. I don't think I do to be honest, but he clearly thinks it now!

Well op did say he was attractive too.

For me now op the worst bit is that he just fucked off without checking you would get home ok. Possible he worried how that would look though I guess. No need for him to just piss off though.

But honestly please stop worrying, neither of you did anything wrong whatsoever, except him disappearing perhaps, the shit.

Urgh i feel like he disappeared because I was being inappropriate?

It's not on to leave a drunk friend alone in a club and piss off home. He's the one who should be feeling bad.

WhydoIfeelWeirdaboutthis As a manager, if this happened between one of the partners and the grads and it became public knowledge, I assure you, we would lose all respect for the partner. Not you. Not only is he older, but he's in a position of authority and if there was the slightest hint of inappropriateness, it was on him to shut it down.

We'd laugh about this sort of thing happening between the grads, but not between a grad and a partner.

Spend the weekend trying to forget about it, come in early or on time on Tuesday and keep your head held high. If anyone was in the wrong, it wasn't you.

Even so it's a bit rude to just leave you there, he could have just been very prescriptive and said "I'm going home now, assume you'll be ok getting a taxi? See you Tuesday"

Suppose it's possible he was wankered though. I've been known to just vanish when pissed back in the day!

It was pretty rude of him just to disappear. He probably feels worse today.....(?)
I honestly don't think he would tell folk at work as it will reflect far, far worse on him.

No.

He told you he believed you fancied him. He then invited you to a club. He made that happen.

That guff about 'I know what you're doing but I am resisting' is designed to wrong-foot you.

If he knew what you were doing and was resisting he would not have gone to a club with you. He would have seen you to a taxi

That guff about 'I know what you're doing but I am resisting' is designed to wrong-foot you.

Yes, and it's also very arrogant.

Seriously, OP. I think you need to get some feminism into you. I think all this 'leading him on' talk about a (middle aged?) man is worrying.

i snogged my boss on the dance floor of a Chicago's style bar once. hideous. style it out OP. it'll be fine.

But I did say yes to staying out with him

You'll be fine OP. You've done nothing wrong. Head up high.

Could also be very shit flirting yoda, the shittest ever!

Like my diets "I will resist that cake" 5 mins later I'm gobbling it up and snorting the crumbs off the floor

I have him a cigarette and basically forced him to smoke with me Urgh I'm such a mess!

*gave him

WhydoIfeelWeirdaboutthis He's a partner. He should not have put you in that position. It's hugely inappropriate for a partner to suggest a private party with a grad. On some level you would have felt a need to obey him, being one of the big bosses - it's not an equal footing.

Believe me, you are not the one coming off bad here.

Urgh god I feel like I was all over him! I really think I was. We didn't kiss but I feel like the drunker I got flirtier I was getting.

basically forced him to smoke with me

Stop seeing him as a helpless little boy!

Oh the fear is horrible and when it's work it makes you feel a million times worse.

He is hardly going to be telling everyone about it - just brazen it out you didn't sleep with him or anything.

I could tell you some stories about far worse if it would cheer you up!

Eat some nice healthy food and have a good kip and once you get Monday out the way.

Oh god yes op pack it in with the leading on. It's possible he has misconstrued something yes but people allow themselves to feel 'led on'.

Honestly forget about it. This time tomorrow you'll feel a zillion times better about it. Trust me as someone who has found herself in many similar situations in the past!

Gah

Yes, it's shit flirting but it's also succeeded in making the OP feel responsible for 'leading him on' when it didn't work