Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Did something very silly, please advise

362 replies

WhydoIfeelWeirdaboutthis · 29/04/2017 15:25

Went for a boozy work lunch yesterday (I work in banking, it was with my bosses) but held it together. My boss who is significsntly more senior than me then took us all out for a drink after. Everyone was fairly tipsy but holding it together.

I made the mistake of staying for one more drink with my boss after the others had left. One turned into another and then another, got progressively more drunk. He is married but separated I think and things are bad. I'm single and was being nice to him; guess he took this the wrong way as he then made a comment about how he knew what I was doing but was resisting (?) and kissed my cheek. I put him right and said that although he was attractive i wasn't interested. He also said I looked hot at various points in the evening.

We ended up going to a club at his suggestion (just us) and staying out. I missed plans I had with a friend as was very drunk.

I feel completely awful about it today even though nothing really happened (have a horrible feeling we may have held hands at some point?!), I'm not sure what I was thinking. I really wasn't after him but was just being nice - I can see how it would look that way though. I am scared I have lost his respect.

I was sick in the toilets at one point. I am worried about how to act when I get back to work. I feel like I have compromised my integrity.

OP posts:
Original poster
WhydoIfeelWeirdaboutthis · 30/04/2017 22:06

5 normally but 3 for the next three weeks as both away for an overseas project

OP posts:
FlapAttack78 · 30/04/2017 22:20

Just doesn't sound real the bit about him leaving declaring I can't do this and then the bouncers hearing this and telling you when you asked about where did he go. How would they even know who you were talking g about! Maybe it's true.. but just sounds odd

Thing whole thread is like reading those painful angsty teenage ramblings in the twilight series.

If it's true it's time to get over it now.. stop giving the situation more airtime than it deserves as it really is a non event.. luckily and this is due to him coming to his senses and walking away before he cheated on his wife and risked his family for a drunken fumble with a younger colleague

It's ok to feel a bit ashamed and embarrassed about this. You need space and time away from I now to get your head together and be in the right mindframe to act professionally on tuesday and sweep it under the rug

I have visions of you going into work and making a right scene by trying to explain yourself to people haha.. don't!

Best of luck

CoffeeAndEnnui · 30/04/2017 22:23

But didn't you say your boss took "us all out" for a drink after. And then the "others" left. Still a bit puzzled. Plus the bouncer thing does feel like an embellishment too far. It's Sunday now so the morning after horrors ought to have slightly retreated?

Apologies if I've misunderstood something but this has a lot of similarities to the tone of another thread where someone was also enjoying detailing their guilt over an inappropriate work relationship.

(The same glee in recounting it, I mean, not that you are the same person obviously!)

FlapAttack78 · 30/04/2017 22:24

And I mean for him and you to be ashamed and embarrassed

Him as he has a wife and you as you know he has a wife

Original poster
WhydoIfeelWeirdaboutthis · 30/04/2017 22:37

Honestly I wish I could show you a video (well actually I don't), it's the truth. I'm not that stupid, I won't try and explain anything to anyone on Tuesday Hmm Will hold my head high and walk in.

I apologise that this is long-winded, it is borne from anxiety. I struggle with overthinking as you can probably tell and so doubt myself a lot.

Yes, I don't know what's so hard to believe, 5 of us went for a drink then one left then two left together. I said I was happy to stay for one more as had plans in the area anyway. This is when it all started to go downhill. If I'm honest I also felt a bit sorry for him as he had also announced he had no plans and clearly wanted a drinking buddy. He also kept saying he wanted to see "the real me", recipe for disaster I know.

OP posts:
Original poster
WhydoIfeelWeirdaboutthis · 30/04/2017 22:38

I'm not gleeful. Im ashamed. But nothing happened anyway?

OP posts:
Blueink · 30/04/2017 22:47

A dish eaten cold's suggestion is the most honest and adult response to your 'dilemma'. To reiterate what others have said, stop catastrophsising(?!), not much happened. Be professional and courageous rather than sheepish or fake. Take responsibility for your own drinking and behaviour and draw a line in the sand so it is very clear to him on Tuesday that there will be no repeat. Switch off the internet until Tuesday night and stop feeding your anxiety. Rehydrate with water, orange juice, herbal teas or hot lemon & ginger, eat small, regular healthy meals and get some sleep. It'll be ok xx

FlapAttack78 · 30/04/2017 22:47

Hope it all goes well for you on Tuesday OP

Ohyesiam · 30/04/2017 22:50

Op, calm down, calm the fuck down! Go online and find a guided meditation and Just get the anxiety under control.
You did nothing major wrong, from your subsequent posts you would think you'd shagged him on a crowded dance floor with all his seniors watching.
Ok, you said stuff you regret, but he was shit faced too. Hes had a lot motte life experience than you, he will be able to to with it.
Go on on Tuesday, cool as fuck, be breezy, be professional, work dammed hard, do a great job. If he says anything, say that you hate it when you get that drunk, and you plan not to in the future.

And none of this is you, it's the booze, it happens to every one who drinks, we all day stuff we would never usually say, we all get messy. So if you want a less messy future, work out how to have a better relationship to alcohol, or only drink with mates.

Original poster
WhydoIfeelWeirdaboutthis · 30/04/2017 23:04

So the consensus seems to be that I apologise? I was leaning more towards go in early, look professional, do a good job, don't mention unless he does and if so, say that I never normally drink that much so apologies for behaving unprofessionally but I hope that it can be put behind us?

OP posts:
FlapAttack78 · 30/04/2017 23:09

I don't think anyone has told you to apologise. Are you trying to Stoke up the fire to this dying thread?

Youve been given good advice. Take it and act on it.

Or if you want more drama then name change and start a new thread about something else.

PhyllisNights · 30/04/2017 23:09

You shouldn't have to apologise.

"I was leaning more towards go in early, look professional, do a good job, don't mention unless he does" - those would be my thoughts exactly.

Original poster
WhydoIfeelWeirdaboutthis · 30/04/2017 23:09

Ok fine. Thread ended Smile Thanks all

OP posts:
JanKind · 01/05/2017 02:02

He was wrong to tell you looked hot he's your boss end of story. Pretend it didn't happen and grow up a bit. You'll be fine. Don't let it happen again!!! Good luck

MyheartbelongstoG · 01/05/2017 02:09

Flap attack - how fitting.

SparklyFairyDust · 01/05/2017 03:33

Deep breath OP.

Firstly it takes two to tango, so I'm guessing whatever his situation is at present, he enjoyed your company. You were both being flirty, which isn't a crime.

Obviously you've sobered up and are mortified. So let's focus on Tuesday. He's probably at home as mortified as you are. He may call you in to discuss what happened, so you both agree you don't engage in office gossip on the subject. Nothing more is said, that's it. Either that or you get in on Tuesday and everything is normal, you talk like you usually would, it's all forgotten about.

It was all completely mutual, he may have been totally wasted and thought I should get back whilst I know where I live. Or he may have had a moment where he realised his conduct was unprofessional.

At the end of the day he's your boss, he should know when to call it a day. Don't blame yourself. I doubt anything bad will happen as he'd get into a lot of trouble. Make sure you're professional at work, do your job as best as you can, all will be fine. Please don't worry.

stolemyusername · 01/05/2017 04:45

Just brazen it out, you are massively overthinking this as nothing happened 😏.

Go to work, be cheerful and say something like, 'oh my head was so bad on Sunday, I'm sorry if I kept going on, I have no verbal filter after 5 drinks, ha. I'll stick to water next time!' Big grin and carry on with your day.

Blueink · 01/05/2017 08:45

Taking responsibility and clearing the air with him in a professional and honest manner are NOT the same thing as apologising sheepishly or trying to pretend the situation didn't happen. These things as best dealt with courageously OP rather than hoping it will go away and having it come back to bite you in the arse later!! Surely 'going in and doing a good job' is something you would do anyway? You asked about dealing with it, and you can either deal with it powerfully - or not. Rip the plaster off quickly tomorrow morning with a professional conversation drawing a line in the sand - or be prepared to have it in the space. Ask to have a word, you will find what to say. You will restore your respect for yourself and reestablish the relationship on a professional footing. Hope you slept and are feeling better today OP.

floatingfrog · 01/05/2017 09:45

Do not apologise. Do not apologise. Do not apologise.

floraeasy · 01/05/2017 10:10

Hope you've got things in more perspective today, OP.

Enjoy your day off and you'll be just fine tomorrow.

Do let us know how it goes tomorrow - I'm invested now Smile

Whatawaytomakealiving · 01/05/2017 12:53

Seems a huge drama over not a lot really. You are 25, an adult, out with other adults having fun. No apologies, no drama, nothing.

high5sportsnutrition · 01/05/2017 17:56

Agree do not apologise under any circumstances. Do let us know how tomorrow goes and try and sleep well tonight Smile

CrikeyPeg · 02/05/2017 02:12

flap I'm still laughing about your epic night out. I had to stop reading your post the other night because I was laughing so much then couldn't stop.

Got no advice for OP except to say had a great night out, still putting together the flashbacks and who's up for it again this Friday?? Grin

TeacherAndFeminist · 02/05/2017 02:49

You did nothing wrong. The whole 'leading him on' line is a male-created way of shaming innocent women.

It's him who should be worried. You could make life very difficult for him if you wished. There's reasonable grounds to say he harassed you. His behavior could well be construed as harassment in the cold light of day. Do you know your HR team at all?

Make sure he doesn't try to use this to reduce your career prospects. That's exactly the sort of thing a male boss would do.

FlapAttack78 · 02/05/2017 06:45

crikeypeg haha... it was quite traumatic to relive haha.. I hadn't thought about it for years but OPs posts saying "oh god... oh no" really reminded me of how I felt haha!

On reflection it was a pretty epic night out.. Even if it did end by 9.45! 😂

Thinking of you today OP!

Swipe left for the next trending thread