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Original poster

Did something very silly, please advise

362 replies

WhydoIfeelWeirdaboutthis · 29/04/2017 15:25

Went for a boozy work lunch yesterday (I work in banking, it was with my bosses) but held it together. My boss who is significsntly more senior than me then took us all out for a drink after. Everyone was fairly tipsy but holding it together.

I made the mistake of staying for one more drink with my boss after the others had left. One turned into another and then another, got progressively more drunk. He is married but separated I think and things are bad. I'm single and was being nice to him; guess he took this the wrong way as he then made a comment about how he knew what I was doing but was resisting (?) and kissed my cheek. I put him right and said that although he was attractive i wasn't interested. He also said I looked hot at various points in the evening.

We ended up going to a club at his suggestion (just us) and staying out. I missed plans I had with a friend as was very drunk.

I feel completely awful about it today even though nothing really happened (have a horrible feeling we may have held hands at some point?!), I'm not sure what I was thinking. I really wasn't after him but was just being nice - I can see how it would look that way though. I am scared I have lost his respect.

I was sick in the toilets at one point. I am worried about how to act when I get back to work. I feel like I have compromised my integrity.

OP posts:
NotYoda · 29/04/2017 16:05

OP it's OK. I feel protective because you sound young. Stop with all the guilt. Just from now you need to protect yourself, be honest and work out how to be professional. Breezy is good, I think, but don't get close to him

Casmama · 29/04/2017 16:06

If his marriage is ending then perhaps he enjoyed the attention too.
The chances of him telling your superiors that he felt you were throwing yourself at him so he continued to buy drinks and then invited you to a club seem very remote.
Try not to think about this until, tomorrow when you will have a bit more perspective.

ImperialBlether · 29/04/2017 16:06

What's he going to tell his superiors?

"New girl got drunk and came on to me, so we carried on drinking and went on to another place and I kissed her cheek and told her I knew what she was trying to do, but we stayed out for a few more hours..."

I think this should teach you not to drink with people from work from now on, and never to be with him on your own on a social occasion.

Original poster
WhydoIfeelWeirdaboutthis · 29/04/2017 16:07

I have to sit next to him, I share an office with him. There's only five of us in there. What if he kicks me off the team

OP posts:
NotYoda · 29/04/2017 16:07

*be honest with yourself about how you feel, then choose what to do about it

Many of us will have fancied someone at work. TBH it sounds like he has taken advantage a bit. Don't let it happen again

PuppyMonkey · 29/04/2017 16:08

Sounds like he's got just as much of a reason to be dreading going back into work next week as you.Confused

Do you think your colleagues even know you both went to a club?

thetreesarebare · 29/04/2017 16:09

Oh you have the fear real bad!! From what you've said I wouldn't sweat it. Honestly worse things have happened & we've all been there. If I had his number I would send a quick text saying "ooft, I'm dying today. Good laugh last night, see you Tues" or something similar. Breaks the ice. Stop worrying about it.

NotYoda · 29/04/2017 16:10

No don't text!

ImperialBlether · 29/04/2017 16:10

I would not send him a private text! He's already told her he "knows" she's coming on to him.

OP, how was it left at the end of the night? Did he kiss you/you kiss him? Was he okay with you when you said goodbye?

user1493453415 · 29/04/2017 16:11

DON'T TEXT.

Original poster
WhydoIfeelWeirdaboutthis · 29/04/2017 16:11

I definitely won't text, don't worry. I have a horrible feeling I asked him if was attractive at one point. I'm in an insecure place right now but I know had bad that sounds. Oh god oh god

OP posts:
NavyandWhite · 29/04/2017 16:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MistySparrow · 29/04/2017 16:12

Come on OP - a partner? He will have had to jump through hoops to get to that level and he should have been more careful. He's in a position of authority and was really stupid. As a new graduate you are in a difficult position because you want to appear friendly and are dependent on his review of your work.

I doubt this is the first time he's swayed things in his favour and ended up alone with a junior member of staff (possibly why his marriage is in trouble). He should have left after the first drink alone - so should you obviously, but stop beating yourself up and be a bit wary of him.

Original poster
WhydoIfeelWeirdaboutthis · 29/04/2017 16:12

No we didn't kiss. Other colleagues won't know unless he tells them.

We went to a club and he said I looks really hot. Then I went to the loo and he had disappeared and gone home! Definitely a good thing. He was smashed. I'm so pesnoid about what I said, I her too honest when I'm drunk and overshare

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 29/04/2017 16:13

He's probably flattered and he did stay, I'd just brazen it out. Fair play to him he didn't take it further though. It is really unprofessional of both and I suspect you have a little growing up to do. You both should have left with the others. I wouldn't be worried about him, I'd be worried about what the others thought.

I'd also say that sometimes guys misread signs so he probably isn't too sure but suspects you were hitting on him.

Next time leave with the others or you will end up out of the job.

alfagirl73 · 29/04/2017 16:13

I think you're getting yourself too worried about this. It's not the first and certainly won't be the last work's night out in the world to end up with a couple of people more drunk than they should be and being a tad more familiar than they would be otherwise.

You're saying how you were insisting on one more drink etc. He is a grown man who can decide for himself if he wants to take up that suggestion. You didn't force him! You both stayed out of your own accord, had a few too many drinks and that was that. You were both very drunk, had a bit of a flirt, nothing major happened and I doubt very much he'll be telling everyone because he was just as responsible for his own behaviour.

The worst thing you can do is be awkward with him at work like you think you did something wrong. Laugh it off, be confident and don't make too big a deal of it. Showing that you can continue to be professional at work, be cool about it and not go to pieces over a night out is the best thing you can do.

Honestly - you're worrying too much. Your night out pales in comparison to some of the stuff that has gone on at my firm!

Squeegle · 29/04/2017 16:13

Honestly, don't worry, he will have seen a drunk woman before! Just do what we've said. Try not to worry, get through the morning on Tuesday, and it will all fade into the past!

floraeasy · 29/04/2017 16:14

What if he kicks me off the team

That would be illegal, for a start, I'm sure.

You are overthinking this - probably because it's so soon after the event. It's a long weekend - things will look very different soon.

We'll try and talk you down. You'll be just fine. Hang in there!!

Original poster
WhydoIfeelWeirdaboutthis · 29/04/2017 16:14

I feel like maybe I was hitting on him oh SHIT

OP posts:
Squeegle · 29/04/2017 16:14

Also he will have been drunk and will forget most of it!

NavyandWhite · 29/04/2017 16:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NotYoda · 29/04/2017 16:16

Navy

Yes I agree. Maybe I am old and cynical but he's not coming over as Prince Charming.

Watch yourself.

Bluntness100 · 29/04/2017 16:17

Also people tend to worry more about their own behaviour so he's probably feeling stressed at the moment about it too. As said just brazen it out, laugh about having a great night and leave it there.

NavyandWhite · 29/04/2017 16:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

category12 · 29/04/2017 16:18

If you were hitting on him, never mind. Brazen it out on Tuesday, be professional and work hard. Learn from this. You will not die of embarrassment, but it's going to be uncomfortable. But you can do this.