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AIBU?

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Original poster

Did something very silly, please advise

362 replies

WhydoIfeelWeirdaboutthis · 29/04/2017 15:25

Went for a boozy work lunch yesterday (I work in banking, it was with my bosses) but held it together. My boss who is significsntly more senior than me then took us all out for a drink after. Everyone was fairly tipsy but holding it together.

I made the mistake of staying for one more drink with my boss after the others had left. One turned into another and then another, got progressively more drunk. He is married but separated I think and things are bad. I'm single and was being nice to him; guess he took this the wrong way as he then made a comment about how he knew what I was doing but was resisting (?) and kissed my cheek. I put him right and said that although he was attractive i wasn't interested. He also said I looked hot at various points in the evening.

We ended up going to a club at his suggestion (just us) and staying out. I missed plans I had with a friend as was very drunk.

I feel completely awful about it today even though nothing really happened (have a horrible feeling we may have held hands at some point?!), I'm not sure what I was thinking. I really wasn't after him but was just being nice - I can see how it would look that way though. I am scared I have lost his respect.

I was sick in the toilets at one point. I am worried about how to act when I get back to work. I feel like I have compromised my integrity.

OP posts:
Allsortsx2 · 30/04/2017 18:36

Just keep reminding yourself that he's got more to feel bad about than you have.
Try not to let this turn into 'the elephant in the room' on Tuesday - sometimes it is best to say something and then move on. Ignoring it can be even more uncomfortable.
Play it by ear - he may say something first that completely diffuses the whole thing.
What ever happens it will all blow over with no harm done.

Vinnyjones · 30/04/2017 18:41

You have got the fear big time!! It's a real thing. Nothing happened really you just was having a really good time, nothing wrong apart from the fact you now feel like this. It will pass, just be as breezy as you can, he will feel the same. Put on a funny movie like Office party and recognise it happens to the best of us.. you will be ok. It's a lesson we all have to learn at some point, and in the grand scheme of things you are a young pretty graduate. He will be feeling foolish, as there is no fool like an old fool. He will be feeling equally mortified. You WILL look back and laugh one day. Chin up😊

BarneyRumbleton · 30/04/2017 19:15

It's totally the fear. It's horrible, but I reckon he's got it worse than you. If anyone acted unprofessionally, it's him.
Sounds like you had a good laugh at the time. He'll know you are up for a good time, but have boundaries. These are good traits.
I prescribe a pizza, ice cream and an early night.

GloriaGilbert · 30/04/2017 19:29

He's got a lot more to lose than you do! Don't worry about it.

I overwhelmingly suspect that you have the hots for him, by the way.

Just pretend like nothing happened.

FKat2016 · 30/04/2017 19:39

I have acted a twat at many a work function because they send my anxiety on overdrive and I always end up panic drinking. And yes, when in a bad place I have been known to accept/slightly encourage attention I shouldn't have- not in a particularly conscious way but alcohol makes you somehow oblivious to certain insecurities that come leaking out!

Anyway, I have lived to tell the tale- just laugh it off at work, make a bit of a joke out of yourself and carry on about your business. You'll be fine, try not to fret.

The hangover fear and loathing is the worst!

timeisnotaline · 30/04/2017 19:44

He's a partner. You're a new grad. He is responsible for behaving acceptably with you , no matter how much alcohol is involved. (He is also responsible for the responsible drinking of his team), anything that happened is not your fault. You have nothing to be ashamed of, unless of course you do it again.

SirRaymondClench · 30/04/2017 19:49

I think most of us have been in a similar position when young.

When I was 19 I worked somewhere that had living quarters as part of the job (I wasn't a Nanny or childcare or anything like that!)
My boss at the time was ok and we got on ok but tbh I didn't have much to do with him.
One night there was a staff 'do' and I got hammered but in my defense so did everyone else.
Ended up having a good laugh with my boss who somehow ended up at mine with a big group of colleagues. One by one they drifted off leaving me and my boss.

I thought it was very obvious I didn't fancy him and tbh it never occurred to me he thought anything different (we were just having a laugh)
until I went to the toilet and came out to the horrendous sight of him undressed,
He kept banging on about how lonely he was and could we just cuddle while my mind raced thinking how could I get him out without causing a scene. Confused
This is how stupid I was: it ended up him cuddling me in his underpants, me fully dressed on my sofa, because I was too stupid and polite to 'ruin the mood' by telling him to get the fuck out until he mercifully left!
I still have the horrors whenever I think of him stood there in his purple briefs. Sad

BarryKwipkee · 30/04/2017 19:56

How about saying

"Look, you must be really embarrassed, we both got druuuunk, but you're the boss! Even so, I am happy to forget it".

Spin it like you're magnanimously prepared to forget it.

luckylorca · 30/04/2017 20:01

I totally agree that if anyone was at fault, it's him! He's older, more senior and more experienced than you. He's also better at handling his drink. He said he "knew what you wanted" and then kissed you on the cheek. He was obviously hoping you would then give him a proper kiss and end up in bed together. He is MARRIED yet spent a fortune trying to get you drunk so that you would shag him. You didn't give him what he wanted (thank god!) and he wasted loads of money on you that he should have spent on his family.

So, don't worry! He's the dick!!!

Giddyaunt18 · 30/04/2017 20:04

Oh gawd op! I can imagine how you feel. That's the demon drink for you! When you see him on Tuesday i would just refer to it light heartedly saying something like "Was a great night, thanks for taking us all out. Did you have a good time?" and see how he responds , you'll know then whether you need to apologise or make a joke. Just never get like that again on a work do!

SlightlyJaded · 30/04/2017 20:13

I think you will feel better if you reference it as soon as you get in to work, so that it doesn't fester and grow into something big and awkward (which it really needn't)

On Tuesday morning, bring it up quickly and publicly.

"Well Sunday was a right off - I won't be drinking like that again for a long time. Thanks for the evening though, it was very generous".

And then work really hard and prove yourself professionally.

As long as you do well at work, you will give the impression that you work hard and play hard (though not very often) and he just happened to be part of a random night out. Nothing more.

I actually think he behaved far worse and he should not have abandoned a very drunk 25 year old without making sure you could get home safely.

BarryKwipkee · 30/04/2017 20:14

I agree, he's married, he's older, he's the boss.

Don't absorb too much of his embarrassment.

FlapAttack78 · 30/04/2017 20:28

*geminigeminee

I asked the bouncers (I was in a state and possibly crying?!) and apparently he walked off saying "I can't do this"*

I really don't believe this!

Booboo66 · 30/04/2017 20:31

👀 Hope you're feeling better op now the hangover has gone. Hoping for an update Tuesday to say it was all ok. (We've all been there)

Original poster
WhydoIfeelWeirdaboutthis · 30/04/2017 20:31

Honestly honestly true.

I can attach my taxi receipt to this if you want (not sure what it will prove though). I was a state and I remember just struggling to get myself with it. We were quite distinctive I think and it was a very small place, I went up to them and asked and they said he had gone, I then cried and asked them to call me a cab.

OP posts:
Original poster
WhydoIfeelWeirdaboutthis · 30/04/2017 20:32

Why don't you believe it?? I swear they told me that he said that. Which is scaring me because what was he referring to? Me apparently being all over him?

OP posts:
Booboo66 · 30/04/2017 20:32

Agree with flap, I doubt the bouncers would have a clue what he'd said it not said

Booboo66 · 30/04/2017 20:32

*or

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 30/04/2017 20:50

If he did say "I can't do this", I would imagine it was in relation to you being really really pissed, over-emotional and needy given the way you describe your behaviour - "I can't do this" meaning I can't be arsed with all of it.

That was how I read it, anyway.

kim1961 · 30/04/2017 20:53

It was daft. It will pass. Head high. Smile 😊

Original poster
WhydoIfeelWeirdaboutthis · 30/04/2017 21:00

TheOnlyBoy - tbh that's my worst fear. That I have let myself down by behaving in that way, he walked away disgustedly and professionalism all gone.

OP posts:
craftycarls · 30/04/2017 21:04

That happened to me.....we are now married with 3 kids!

Couldashouldawoulda · 30/04/2017 21:20

Least said the better. Nothing actually happened, and he has a lot to be embarrassed about too. Just go in on Tuesday and get in with it as if nothing had happened. Seriously.

ProphetOfDoom · 30/04/2017 22:01

You did nothing wrong.
Reread the really good advice that tells you how to beeeze it off & stick to it.
No one will be giving it as much thought as you are.

CoffeeAndEnnui · 30/04/2017 22:05

OP, I'm confused, are there 3 or 5 of you in your office? The discrepancy and some of your embellishments are perhaps the reason this is starting to sound improbable.