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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Did something very silly, please advise

362 replies

WhydoIfeelWeirdaboutthis · 29/04/2017 15:25

Went for a boozy work lunch yesterday (I work in banking, it was with my bosses) but held it together. My boss who is significsntly more senior than me then took us all out for a drink after. Everyone was fairly tipsy but holding it together.

I made the mistake of staying for one more drink with my boss after the others had left. One turned into another and then another, got progressively more drunk. He is married but separated I think and things are bad. I'm single and was being nice to him; guess he took this the wrong way as he then made a comment about how he knew what I was doing but was resisting (?) and kissed my cheek. I put him right and said that although he was attractive i wasn't interested. He also said I looked hot at various points in the evening.

We ended up going to a club at his suggestion (just us) and staying out. I missed plans I had with a friend as was very drunk.

I feel completely awful about it today even though nothing really happened (have a horrible feeling we may have held hands at some point?!), I'm not sure what I was thinking. I really wasn't after him but was just being nice - I can see how it would look that way though. I am scared I have lost his respect.

I was sick in the toilets at one point. I am worried about how to act when I get back to work. I feel like I have compromised my integrity.

OP posts:
FlapAttack78 · 29/04/2017 23:00

OP when I went on a work night out in a new job I got so drunk on the open bar that ooened at 6 yet dinner not served til 830 i went outside to smoke (I don't smoke ) found a pot plant mini palm tree things that was about 4 foot tall and brought it inside to show to everyone dropping soil everywhere. I then went to vomit in the bathrooms and pulled a sink off the wall while trying to pull myself off the floor. I proposed to my male supervisor who was twice my age. I then went back out to the smokers area.. squatted and did a wee amd then tried to kiss the supervisor. I danced with girls who were not in our private party section and kissed one of them amd then came back and totally denied that happened but apologised to the supervisor for cheating on him. I vomited some more all over my hair and then got carried out into a taxi by a make friend colleague I hardley knew who got me home amd dumped me off to my flatmates by 945pm. I had left my handbag somew here with myroom keys and phone in so went and slept in my very shy and coservstive vietmanese male flatmates bed while he was eating noodles in the kitchen . When he come into his room I told Him to fuck off out my room.

I am.not entirely sure which order these events haopened in but horrifying I remember bits of most of it and there was photoraphic evidence

Yet I didn't freak out half as much as you and just went into work the next weekend and didn't even mention it haha.. people asked me if I had a good night and I was like yes was great fun.. less alcohol next time maybe!I had only worked there about 2 months and stayed for another year haha

No one woukd believe me if I told them that story now haha. the guy who carried mw hone ended up being a great bf a few months down the line .

I forgo to mention when I got into my flat I vomited on the carpet and then sat in it.. theory was I was trying to hide I had done it.

Feel better now OP?

FlapAttack78 · 29/04/2017 23:04

I also fell backwards off the low wall I was sitting on outside and had my short rara skirt up over my waist and flashed my pants to everyone at some point

FlapAttack78 · 29/04/2017 23:04

I probably should have name changed for this one

MyPatronusIsAUnicorn · 29/04/2017 23:27

flap, that is an EPIC night! Grin Grin. Love it!

EatsLeavesAndShit · 29/04/2017 23:32

apologised to the supervisor for cheating on him
Grin GrinGrin

Flapattack's story should console you OP

JennyHolzersGhost · 29/04/2017 23:51

I think I love you Flapattack Grin

Jux · 29/04/2017 23:57

Flapattack, that is fabulous !! Can I go on a night out with you sometime?

Trebla · 30/04/2017 00:04

You sound like a lovely person but I think you are taking too much responsibility for the age situation. Smart and professional at work on Tuesday. Style it out. I guess you are feeling bad as you acted at odds with your own values. This means you have them. Remind yourself of what they are and act very much in accordance with them on Tuesday. Show yourself some compassion for liking the attention and leave it there. Big hugs

JayneAusten · 30/04/2017 00:20

Yeah it sounds like you are attracted to him or were at least in a place where you wanted to be admired and you've pushed it way (way way) too far thanks to alcohol removing your boundaries.

It's embarrassing and he'll possibly be a little wary of you for a bit but time will move this into the past and it really won't matter much in a year's time.

haveacupoftea · 30/04/2017 00:32

He's your senior, the onus is on him to behave appropriately. Stop worrying you just have the hangover fear. It'll be fine.

JudeeLevinson · 30/04/2017 07:16

I can't believe someone suggested she apologise to this guy.

The way I see it, this guy is a massive sleaze and has successfully manipulated the situation so that the OP is feeling guilty about it. Every new situation in the evening was led by him.

OP, lesson learned about the booze because it clouded judgement and led you down some shady territory. Don't worry about it, you are the single girl in this situation and he is the attached one so no blame there. He probably had his beady eye on you from the beginning of the evening, you are a good mark. Absolutely don't feel guilty.

A similar thing happened to me, a married colleague who is not unattractive, with 3 young kids, not a boss, still awful. I was single. Started off on a night out with loads of friends, whittled down one by one to me, him and a couple of others. Went back to one of their houses (not mine or his) and he tried to kiss me, and when I resisted he mumbled something about how loneleeeee he was and that crap and I spent the next 2 hours listening to his woes instead of slapping his fucking face, I gave him a hug at the end of the evening. Urrrgh. Next day in work he didn't show so I texted him took on all the guilt and made it all better for him. He said his modus operandi was not to go about doing this sort of stuff and I forgave him and apologised for my part in it (what that was I don't know because I never pursued the guy) but came away from it sort of fancying him and never had that feeling before, it was weird. Work was so awful and so awkward.

I now know I went through some sort of trauma bonding with this person. I had been single a long time and that hug was the only one I had had in two years, and even though I had technically been sexually assaulted (I hadn't wanted to be kissed or thought it was going to happen), I made it my fault, not his. Turns out a few months down the line he acted inappropriately with another single female colleague, and that's how I started seeing him for how he really is. I have anxiety issues too, and past history of emotional and sexual abuse and that mo'fo set me back.

The best thing to do about this situ, own your part in it (alcohol) and no more. This was his creation. And you can always do the obvious thing, pretend total amnesia after the second pub. You have done nothing wrong. Style it out love, I could tell you a few stories, and a lot of people are saying the same, don't worry,

FlapAttack78 · 30/04/2017 07:45

Haha was a great night out. 2 day hangover! I still remember the horror as the memories came back slowly over the next few days..

User627938362 · 30/04/2017 08:55

Bet it hasn't even crossed his mind! A new woman at a place I worked at did the same with me. I was her boss to a degree and 10 years older. We had a snog at Xmas! It was great as she was gorgeous. I saw her on Monday and said what a great night Friday was with a little smile for her. It wasn't a biggie. Doesn't this sort of thing happen every week in every town?

Imamouseduh · 30/04/2017 09:35

And honestly, after a long weekend most people will have been out again and will have forgotten Friday night by the time Tuesday rolls around. You will feel better when your hangover goes, the beer fear will go with it.

scaryclown · 30/04/2017 09:41

If this were a US drama series, you'd breeze in to his office, bag on the desk, saying ten grand raise, and the x project or i sue...

scaryclown · 30/04/2017 09:46

Actually i suspect he was making a lot of effort not to behave badly, and it leaked here and there, and i bet he'll feel bad and embarrassed and hopeful you'll be ok about it, if not in a going out sense, at least in a "oops can we not let it affect' sense. Look out for odd rumours..But remember they are more powerful if you own the mystery...

4390482098courtesy · 30/04/2017 09:48

Oh FlapAttack78 Grin You're a scream!!!!!!!! The nights out we could have had back in the day....(I'm too old now).

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 30/04/2017 10:01

25? Bloody hell, your posts make you sound as if you're 16 and in your first job out of school.

You made the choices you did so own them. This melodramatic reaction isn't going to help you in any way; you just seem to be winding yourself up more and more, not listening to any of the sensible and calm support you're getting on here.

FlapAttack78 · 30/04/2017 10:32

Ha I am too old too now! in my pyjamas by 7pm most nights and spend my days off at farm parks and watching dino paws! How times have changed!

Frillyhorseyknickers · 30/04/2017 10:41

You've got to own it - you don't have any other choice!

FWIW - I got hammered and shagged my boss's son at our Christmas party a few years ago ( he was on work experience from uni Blush )

I'm still here 7 years on, with several promotions behind me - who knows, maybe he's just hoping it'll be his turn soon 😬

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 30/04/2017 10:53

😂 Frilly !
Love your user name.😄

deckoff · 30/04/2017 10:54

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NavyandWhite · 30/04/2017 11:10

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normastits5 · 30/04/2017 11:33

Oh come on op face this like a grown up ! You are not a child so you knew exactly what you were doing and most importantly SO DID HE! You both got pissed and you both made asses of yourselves by crossing the professional line. You BOTH have to deal with this on Tuesday like grown ups & find a way to work together. You were not the only drunk one were you? Stop absolving him of all responsibility and don't imagine for one minute that this is the first time he has done this. It will help you to face him if you imagine his drunken behaviour as well as yours

WhydoIfeelWeirdaboutthis · 30/04/2017 14:39

In fairness though I didn't actually do anything. I didn't sleep with him and I didn't reciprocate his kiss! I flirted when absolutely hammered which I thoroughly regret and is not me, professionally or otherwise. But I didn't do anything so not sure why the hate. I thoroughly regret it though and will never put myself in siliar situation as was STUPID

OP posts:
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