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AIBU?

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Original poster

Did something very silly, please advise

362 replies

WhydoIfeelWeirdaboutthis · 29/04/2017 15:25

Went for a boozy work lunch yesterday (I work in banking, it was with my bosses) but held it together. My boss who is significsntly more senior than me then took us all out for a drink after. Everyone was fairly tipsy but holding it together.

I made the mistake of staying for one more drink with my boss after the others had left. One turned into another and then another, got progressively more drunk. He is married but separated I think and things are bad. I'm single and was being nice to him; guess he took this the wrong way as he then made a comment about how he knew what I was doing but was resisting (?) and kissed my cheek. I put him right and said that although he was attractive i wasn't interested. He also said I looked hot at various points in the evening.

We ended up going to a club at his suggestion (just us) and staying out. I missed plans I had with a friend as was very drunk.

I feel completely awful about it today even though nothing really happened (have a horrible feeling we may have held hands at some point?!), I'm not sure what I was thinking. I really wasn't after him but was just being nice - I can see how it would look that way though. I am scared I have lost his respect.

I was sick in the toilets at one point. I am worried about how to act when I get back to work. I feel like I have compromised my integrity.

OP posts:
Tapandgo · 30/04/2017 17:07

His word against yours - be prepared to say 'in his dreams the old perv' or 'he's desperate and even drunk I told him to p-off'. However - I doubt he'll say anything - he's the married one

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad · 30/04/2017 17:09

I can't believe he left a young drunken woman in a club by herself and just disappeared - the decent thing to do would have been to have put you safely in a cab home

geminigeminee · 30/04/2017 17:12

I asked the bouncers (I was in a state and possibly crying?!) and apparently he walked off saying "I can't do this". I may have remembered wrongly? He was drunker than me to begin with despite being over a foot taller than me and a big guy.

At the meal we had had cocktails, wine and champagne then two more drinks after at the bar. He had also had a large whisky. Then we kept having more: beer, cocktails, shots...

geminigeminee · 30/04/2017 17:14

I don't want to have to criticise him though or cause animosity.

milliemolliemou · 30/04/2017 17:19

OP - get off MN. Go for a long, long walk. Make yourself some nice food, read a good book/watch a good programme. Ditto Bank Holiday Monday. Then as everyone's said, get in early Tuesday looking your best and just smile and work hard all day. Repeat. Don't bring the subject up. If the partner does, just say "gosh - I shouldn't have been drinking on an empty stomach. I won't be doing that again! - but the rest of the weekend was great." which is code for I don't want anything further to happen and I won't be getting drunk again.

Good luck. And truly - in future don't drink at office dos or alternate alcohol with glasses of water. This is supposed to work if only because you're in the loo most of the time .....

ImNotReallyReal · 30/04/2017 17:20

You still have the horrors, you do understand this will be forgotten on Tuesday. You didn't shag him, your dignity is intact. You got pissed and made some slightly poor judgements, it's life. Now unless you're on an all nighter today get yourself something nice to eat and get off to bed early.

Honestly, we've all been there. Got the sick feeling in your stomach? Blushing at the thought? Dreading work? Reliving what you can remember in your head?

If you want me to tell you about the girl who got her 'tits out on the dance floor' at our Xmas party and still got through grad I can. It wasn't me, but I can tell some tales of debauchery that make you look like a Saint.

Welcome to the City Flowers

GahBuggerit · 30/04/2017 17:22

Seriously op you have to just let this go now. You're getting yourself into a right tizz and going round in circles.

Honestly, stop now, think something different, what are your plans for the rest of the weekend?

geminigeminee · 30/04/2017 17:27

You're right thanks! I just have a real problem with always seeing the best in others and sympathising with them/their objectives (kind of a doormat) as well as being down on myself. Basically no confidence! Problematic combination!!!

Rest of weekend: I saw friends last night and today which was great. Got some work to do now so will get on with that! Thanks so much all

Irishal68 · 30/04/2017 17:32

He's my boss - he's a partner in the firm I work for and I'm a new graduate. It's awful isn't it

And for exactly these reasons he has more reason to feel embarrassed than you do. Learn from it, put it behind you and be professional when you next see him. He'll probably steer well away from the topic. Nobody died and you'll laugh it off eventually! x

Craigie · 30/04/2017 17:34

Style it out. Never mention it again. Don't tell anybody at work. NEVER get drunk with people in more senior positions at work than you. NEVER.

If he harasses you at work, obviously head straight to HR.

user1493035447 · 30/04/2017 17:37

Lol this is so funny. You're going to walk in on Tuesday and he's going to appear very sheepish, if he even looks at you. If you make eye contact just smile and say "How were you feeling Saturday/Sunday?" make out as if he's an utter lightweight. Sleaze probably tried it on every year with a new graduate.

geminigeminee · 30/04/2017 17:38

All good points. I'm just struggling because with the team I'm in, they are all very close-knot and do everything together. If I stay, there will be more drink, more dinners, more jobs away. I'm not going to be able to avoid him and not going to be able to not drink with him. I sit next to the guy. I would rather get on with him than not get on with him. From now on I just will not be alone with him when drinking.

user1493035447 · 30/04/2017 17:41

He'll be feeling really embarrassed and probably regretting Tuesday more than you are! Good point about getting in that little bit early before him though.

Nameynamechangeforthis · 30/04/2017 17:43

having worked in the City for 10 years this is really nothing!!!! Honestly, he will have seen much worse. As other have said the absolute worst thing you can do os make meal of it. If you have come out of this badly it'll be because of looking a bit high maintenance so just go in, head down and do a great job. There is NO need to blow this out of proportion.

If it makes you feel any better I could tell you about grad who wanked off her colleague at the bar and then wet herself one xmas party? Now that is making a spectacle of yourself!

Writermom22 · 30/04/2017 17:44

I think I've just lost all respect for bankers and their boozy lunches which turn into all afternoon drinks (on work's time) which turns into clubbing the night away and then feeling sorry for yourself because you couldn't hold it together enough to either go back to work or walk away.

Have some respect for yourself and the bank you work for and do your drinking on your own time.

mrshousty · 30/04/2017 17:45

Say nothing, he's probably feeling the same thing! Keep your head up you were just out for a laugh and enjoyed yourself (until the next day 😊) if you're embarrassed just smile through it! You've nothing to be ashamed of!

geminigeminee · 30/04/2017 17:46

What? The lunch was to celebrate completion of a project which we had worked on for hours! The team I work for is extremely successful. I didn't instigate the lunch either...

Daydream007 · 30/04/2017 17:47

Hold your head up high and act normal. You've done nothing wrong, he is the one who should feel ashamed, not you.

Mummyoflittledragon · 30/04/2017 17:58

There are other explanations to the ones you're imagining. He may have left because he realised he was being inappropriate and he realised either a) this wasn't good for his marriage or b) because it wasn't good for work. Another explanation is he was so blotto he thought you had gone home or forgot about you.

Either way, as others have said, style it out.

propertypriceguide · 30/04/2017 18:00

omg nameychange that is just well so degrading Shock

innerturmoil · 30/04/2017 18:01

Gosh [writermom] must be amazing to have never done anything you regret as a result of alcohol! Poor OP knows what she did was ill-advised but just needs some support here!

OP when I was about 24 I snogged a married (but separating) partner at my work after office drinks. There had been some flirtations but I had zero intention of acting on it - he was nearly twice my age too. However that particular evening he announced he was leaving and I think caution was thrown to the wind by both of us as well as helped along by buckets of wine. Luckily everyone else was so hammered we were all v sheepish the next work day and no-one knew who had sloped off with who. I found getting in extra early, looking v smart and being very busy really helped. I had a lot of fake phone calls too!!

Don't worry - this too shall pass....

Ticketybootoo · 30/04/2017 18:02

Say nothing to anyone and maybe make a rule not to drink on work evenings out as there are some predatory I individuals out there who take advantage of junior people . I worked in a firm that was a partnership and those at that level can hire and fire as they mostly have equity .

Don't take all the blame - he was part of this too . Just keep your distance from this person on nights out and pat yourself on the back you didn't end up in a hotel together 💐

Purplealienpuke · 30/04/2017 18:13

So nobody apart from you & him know you went to a club together?
Nobody apart from you & him know he kissed you & you knocked him back? I highly doubt he'll be telling people!!
& you went to the loo & came back to find he'd fucked off?? Lovely!!
He was clearly not happy with not getting his own way! Why else leave a very drunk female colleague ALONE in a club???
What a keeper!!!
Steer clear of being alone with this guy ever again!
If anyone passes a remark laugh it off.
If HE passes a remark slap him, hard, in the bolllocks! 👊

TheBogQueen · 30/04/2017 18:16

Gosh Writermom must be a right laugh in the pub Grin

Every team needs to let off steam once in a while -not just bankers, even worthy public sector folk have been known to go out on the lash occasionally Gin

Gingersdohavesouls · 30/04/2017 18:36

The joys of beer fear!!!