To be fuming with DDs secondary school over 'fuck boy'.

[Shitonmyshoe]

Just that! For those who don't know, girls now call sexually aggressive/promiscuous boys 'fuck boy'. My daughter has no interest in lads and is only bothered about her GCSEs (very studious but outgoing kid). Today a lad in her year placed his index and middle finger to his face and wriggled his tongue between them (classy) towards my daughter. She told him, 'get out of my face fuck boy' which has resulted in her being punished via a detention. For background she is less than 5 foot in yr 10 and he is well over 6 foot and obviously trains (shithouse wall). Apparently, reason DD was punished was because she was being aggressive 😂

Sounds like the teacher simply missed his behaviour. If they had seen it all both would've been punished.

This could happen any time at a large mixed school - usually without teachers present. At my DCs school many of the girls would have happily laid into the boy and called him that. The girls are very strong and really squash sexist/offensive/intimidating behaviour.

FlapAttack I agree, which is why my school is consistent when applying sanctions.

I agree with Jackson Katz' view on "boys will be boys".

That mentality is alive and well unfortunately like the dim-witted morons who supervised the playgrounds at my school who told my mum that I was to be punished more severely for retaliating (infants) cuz I was bigger than the other child ...

Oh, sailorcherries. You really weren't in a good position to talk about people's reading comprehension, now, were you? And you're making it worse with each post, despite helpful hints.

And once again the only insults, however thinly veiled, come from one side.
She was wrong.
He was wrong.
She made an inappropriate sexual comment about his promiscuity.
He made an inappropriate sexual gesture at her.

Two wrongs don't make a right, however the general consensus is that -
A. A girl cannot sexually harrass a man or make derogatory sexual comments or gestures to a man, as it doesn't have the same implications. For example those sayinga girl making the wanker symbol or blowjob facial expression are not on the same par as this.
B. All sexual gestures such as this are intimidating and the OPs daughter obviously felt scared.
C. The daughter is well within her rights to act as she pleases towards someone who does this, despite her behaviour also being derogratoty and sexually humilating/harrassing.
D. Saying both children deserve the punishment is akin to praising and excusing rapists.
E. Boys who grow up making those remarks are bound to become rapists and predators.

Unfortunately I don't share those pig ignorant views of the world where the possession of a vagina excuses behaviours that possession of a penis does not, and possession of a penis therefore makes any such gesture or verbalisation worse.

Men get sexually abused.
Women get sexually abused.

It happening to one category more than others does not in any way make it more important. There should be no tolerance of such behaviour from any gender.

I think aswell Sailor, to add to your post if i may, there does need to be consistency with how things are handled in school. They are still very immature (as I'm sure a pp mentioned, ops DD may have reacted the way she did due to not having the mental capacity that adults have to handle such situations, which may also explain, not excuse, a little of this fools behaviour) and other kids, seeing that ops DD has been let off (if she had been) may see that as a free pass to do the same if they are taunted or given a sexual gesture and then chaos ensues. They would probably not understand at this age that there are shades of grey sometimes.

So that being said absolutely the boy should have been equally punished. Hopefully he actually has now and op hasnt heard about it yet. And instill think getting the boy to do some sort of research assignment about why such a gesture isnt acceptable would go a long way to re-educate him.

Quite obvious what happened. She was heard and he didn't get caught. For all the people saying go straight too the school - what happens if the boy denies it or he genuinely didn't do the gesture? Still punish him just because she claims he did that action.

Quite frankly reading some of the responses on here no wonder people don't take sexual harassment/assault seriously at times. It wasn't assault. A gesture that doesn't touch you wasn't assault.

Hi my daughter is the same year. Not the same height . Also only interested in her GCSE's and not boys. She would not use that language but I would have expected her to be punished if she did. I would also have expected him to be punished.

Quite frankly reading some of the responses on here no wonder people don't take sexual harassment/assault seriously at times.

I agree completely. When society views this sort of thing as boys will be boys is it any wonder that rape convictions are so shockingly low?

Apologist talk hmm hes a teenage boy his intent won't be "oh I'm sexually harassing someone" a quick witted remark would have put him in his place quicker.

If only we were all as quick witted as you HalfShellHero

Well said sailorcherries.. I agree

The girls are very strong and really squash sexist/offensive/intimidating behaviour.

Good for them Garlic. So did this girl

Agree re:calling it assault kungfu, as someone who has been actually assaulted it is a bit distasteful to me, I can't imagine ops DD was left bruised and needing counseling due to a gesture!

"She was wrong.
He was wrong.
She made an inappropriate sexual comment about his promiscuity.
He made an inappropriate sexual gesture at her."

@sailorcherries - whilst I agree with you that two wrongs do not make a right, I think this part of your post shows a bias towards the boy. By putting the girl's actions ahead of the boy's, you give the impression that she was the instigator in this incident, and that the boy's words and actions were in response to the girl's, when in fact the opposite is true. He was the aggressor, the sexual harasser, she was the victim of sexual harassment.

By writing the post as you did, you give the impression of bias towards the boy in this incident - that is based purely on this post.

It is very easy for people to criticise the girl's response as being OTT, but in my opinion she reacted in the moment to an unpleasant incident of sexual harassment - she did not have the luxury of being able to consider her response, in an atmosphere where she did not feel under threat.

She will probably have been experiencing the 'fight or flight' response - she reacted instinctively and chose fight.

I am also a little surprised that some people seem to think she should have reacted politely to being sexually harassed - I find that mind boggling, and not in a good way!

Quite frankly reading some of the responses on here no wonder people don't take sexual harassment/assault seriously at times

I agree, but see it the opposite way round from the way you do.

Fuming for you op.

What are you going to do about this though? You can't just let this slide. I would ask for a meeting with the teacher or HoD. Read up on the law re, sexual assault/harassment before you go. Sexual assault and harassment is endemic in schools and Uni, and it's no wonder why if this is how it's dealt with, the victim getting detention. No only are the school letting your daughter down, they are also letting this boy down by allowing him to get away with this behavior.

Misogyny should be treated with the same seriousness as racism. I can't understand why it isn't when two women a week are killed by violent partners and thousands and thousands of us are raped. In fact scrap that, it's millions that are raped.

My dd is in y9 and sounds like your dd. She admits that she'd say fuck off to anyone who made that gesture. I'd be furious if the other boy wasn't punished while my dd was. She shouldn't have to listen to that sort of shit.

*No on 3 counts.

1. Education on aspects of equality, respect and diversity never goes amiss.

1. Employers are sometimes restricted on acting as strongly as they would want on behaviour which is patently unacceptable because they have not given a warning or training.

thirdly does he even think his behaviour is unacceptable?*

The first point covers all aspects of his education and I would presume by now he had had Sex and Relationship Classes, which would cover that.

The second point is also reasonable but has really nothing to do with the point I raised with you.

Which leads to your third(?) point/question.

Which is what I disagreed with you on and you still insist on giving him, a teenager who is chargeable for criminal responsibility, including murder, a let out clause by posing your point as a question that is quite frankly unanswerable, because no one can mind read.

I would assume that he understood by now, given his age and level of intelligence, and barring no SEN, that the gesture was meant to be sexually aggressive and offensive. I would also ask him to explain why he behaved in such an offensive and aggressive way.

Agree re:calling it assault kungfu, as someone who has been actually assaulted it is a bit distasteful to me, I can't imagine ops DD was left bruised and needing counseling due to a gesture!

It's not a game of Top Trumps. Do you think it was wrong of him to do that licky-licky gesture at the girl?

Men get sexually abused.
Women get sexually abused.

Yes, but not at the same rate. And much of that abuse is done by men.

fullfact.org/crime/bad-and-dangerous-know-do-men-commit-almost-all-crime/

Gosh well, thisagain, I tell you what, next time this gang of boys make sexual explicit suggestions to my dd I'll make sure I tell her to say 'please go away' and that she is clearly not well brought up.

So much minimising on this thread. I shared our experience because my dd was sexually harassed at school for a long time and it has affected her. She hasn't been able to throw it off as boys arsing around.

Sure, teachers cannot openly condone the girl's reaction. But they can, and should, acknowledge that one is an oppressive act and the other is a reaction to it.

Agree with this.

Just wow @ jokey comment after I've said I've been sexually assaulted and left injured and needing counseling.

Yes I do think I he was wrong, as all my other posts suggest.

And once again the only insults, however thinly veiled, come from one side.
She was wrong.
He was wrong.
She made an inappropriate sexual comment about his promiscuity.
He made an inappropriate sexual gesture at her.

Calling someone a slut or a fuck boy is not a sexual comment.

I've asked you to explain how it is a sexual comment, and whether you understand the difference between a sexual remark and a remark relating to someone's sexual behaviour.

You have completely ignored everything I have said. I assume that is because you're incapable of constructing an argument against it, and your own argument falls apart if you acknowledge this.

You appear to be using my posts as an excuse to continue this double standards argument, while hoping others won't read carefully enough to spot this.

Whine all you like about thinly veiled insults. You cannot complain about others' reading comprehension while responding to others' posts the way you are doing.

It's also rather telling that you are positioning yourself as being 'one side' in this thread.

But ftr, yes, being actually sexually assaulted does fucking trump a boy making a gesture

I'd report to Ofsted.