To be fuming with DDs secondary school over 'fuck boy'.

[Shitonmyshoe]

Just that! For those who don't know, girls now call sexually aggressive/promiscuous boys 'fuck boy'. My daughter has no interest in lads and is only bothered about her GCSEs (very studious but outgoing kid). Today a lad in her year placed his index and middle finger to his face and wriggled his tongue between them (classy) towards my daughter. She told him, 'get out of my face fuck boy' which has resulted in her being punished via a detention. For background she is less than 5 foot in yr 10 and he is well over 6 foot and obviously trains (shithouse wall). Apparently, reason DD was punished was because she was being aggressive 😂

I wish fuck boy or boi, for the purists, had been around when I was a teenager in a mixed school.

I'd have used it.

Well homity I'm sorry for your experience but I disagree. If she won't need counselling, support groups, medical attention etc and the boy didn't lay a finger on her, no, that's not assault.

It's degrading and potentially upsetting but it's a rude gesture. Sometimes women do them, sometimes men. It's classless, immature and shows him up but a simple eye roll and a 'you wish, little boy' would have sufficed and embarrassed him into behaving.

Elendon

and explained to him why his behaviour is unacceptable

I agree with your post Lass but not on this. He should have been made to explain why his behaviour was not acceptable

No on 3 counts.

1. Education on aspects of equality, respect and diversity never goes amiss.

1. Employers are sometimes restricted on acting as strongly as they would want on behaviour which is patently unacceptable because they have not given a warning or training.

thirdly does he even think his behaviour is unacceptable?

I have been raped, and sexually assaulted. I don't find it offense to refer to this as. This is where it starts

Teenage boys will be boys, huh?

As a teacher I think they should both have been punished. In my sch your dd would more than likely have been put in isolation for using the F word directly towards another pupil.

Therefore the phrase 'fuck boy' used derogatively to pass comment or judgement on a males sexual promiscuity is an obscene remark, which is sexual harrassment as it is unwanted sexual remarks. Like the word slut.

I simply cannot agree with the description of 'fuck boy' or 'slut' as a sexual remark. Do you understand the difference between a sexual remark and a remark suggesting someone participates in a type of sexual behaviour? It appears not.

But you are going to disagree and say that the term fuck boy is not as bad as slut and that it does not fall under those categories.

Oh, sailorcherries. You really weren't in a good position to talk about people's reading comprehension, now, were you? And you're making it worse with each post, despite helpful hints.

AlwaysBeBatman Fri 28-Apr-17 15:16:40
Well homity I'm sorry for your experience flowers but I disagree. If she won't need counselling, support groups, medical attention etc and the boy didn't lay a finger on her, no, that's not assault.

It was sexual harassment.

It was also a microcosm of a macrocosm.

In my sch your dd would more than likely have been put in isolation for using the F word directly towards another pupil

If my daughter went to your school and you did that to her under these circumstances, (especially with nothing happeningto the boy) I would write to the governors, my MP, the papers everyone I could think of and I'd take her away from your school as soon as the GCSEs were over.

Whether you've been raped or experienced violence from women is irrelevant to this situation.

If any boy or man made this gesture at me as a respectable adult woman I would definitely have shouted 'fuck off', though I'm warming to the term fuck boy.

I'd wander home fantasising about being an off-duty police officer and whipping out my warrant card and saying: 'You're nicked, for insulting behaviour' because that is an offence to do that and cause people to be provoked.

At 53, I don't have to worry about detention any more, but if anyone told me my offence was equivalent to his or that I'd lost the moral high ground by stooping to his level and calling him fuck boy, I'd just laugh.

In my sch your dd would more than likely have been put in isolation for using the F word directly towards another pupil.

I think your school's policy is misguided. It's the equivalent of making you shake hands with your bully, which I hoped had died out long ago. This does not happen in the real world, though seemingly it still happens to school children.

kind I wouldn't be my choice. The decision to go to isolation sits with SLT. But they are very strict on the use of bad language, especially if directed towards another person. They would not condone poor behaviour even if provoked. I also said they should both be punished. The boy would probably have his parents contacted and been sent home if there were witnesses to back-up your dd version of events or if the teacher saw what happened.

I wonder if the teacher was perhaps intimidated by the boy? I know at my DCs school, there is a different approach to the "good" kids and "rough" ones. Example - DS has never been in trouble, always on time, never had a bad report (in fact, teachers used to go misty eyed at parents nights saying they wished every kid was like him!) - his school shoes fell apart about 3 days before the end of term so I let him go to school in his black trainers - cue a detention for not wearing school uniform......yet there are a dozen or so kids who never wear uniform - turn up in track suits, smoke dope in the school grounds etc - but they have been placed in the school from other areas owing to social problems, so they are allowed to do whatever they like it seems. So I think it is possible that teachers don't want to "poke the bear" sometimes with the unruly pupils and might turn a blind eye.

I don't blame her for swearing at him, who does he think he is? What a a twat!

Fuccboi means someone uncool who can't get girls and resorts to desperate / sad measures. It's derogatory but no worse than calling someone a tosser or loser.

the bitter irony is I bet that selfish fuck of a teen-child has never performed oral sex on a woman in his misbegotten life

bet he demands "blowies"

anyway

If it were my daughter she would not be doing the detention and the school would be informed of the reasons why. The boy needs educating in how not to sexually harass others. She did the right thing calling him out on his bad behaviour.

salt that is bad. Did you explain to the sch about the shoes via a note in planner or phone call? At least at my sch the rules are usually fairly consistently applied.

I dont see why her height is relevant I hate that kind of mentality ...that being short makes you less culpable. Shes probably being punished for swearing loudly , he was just arsing around ....

I realise it's not your choice stoplickingthetelly but do you think it is a good idea? I don't.

I don't think it teaches either party anything about justice either natural, or the way it is performed in the criminal justice system.

Oftentimes the Criminal Prosecution Service will not decide not to prosecute unless in the public interest. Sometimes that means that someone who has killed someone who has invaded their home and who they genuinely believe presents a serious threat faces no charges. Most people think this is a good thing.

Obviously it would not be a reasonable response to the threat offered by this boy for the girl to kill him. But I think calling him fuck boy is reasonable and I'd let her off.

It might be your school's policy to treat all offences against the school code as equal but I think whoever drew up that policy is not thinking straight.

Being short does not make someone less culpable, but being so much shorter than the boy will probably have contributed to the OP's dd's feeling of being threatened/unsafe.

If this were my dd, I would contact the school and say that my dd would be doing the detention only when the boy had been appropriately dealt with for his behaviour towards my dd.

I'd also be asking the school what their policy is on encouraging verbal sexual violence - since, by punishing the victim for responding, whilst letting the boy get off scot-free will have sent a clear message to the boys that this sort of thing is entirely acceptable, and to the girls that they have no right to protect themselves against this.

Crown Prosecution Service, I mean

salt misty-eyed teachers ... hahaha. .. I think you may have a touch of mother's bias there with that interpretation.

Imagine of what you're suggesting happened in the other extreme... the "good" kids getting the "oh never mind, it's you so you can get away with breaking the rules " for all the well behaved children!

This already happens when better behaved children ask to go to the toilet or are late to a lesson as a total one off and (fuck)boy does the shit hit the fan with the less wel behaved children noticing and shouting out "hey.. that's not fair!!!!"

He should have had a note from.you in planner re shoes and then I am sure it would have been fine

'just arsing around' is apologist talk. Same as boys will be boys. This boy was sexually harassing a girl. Why should the girl be punished because of her reaction?

When this happened to my dd I wanted to take it further than first level complaint but held back as she didn't want to, but would if it happened again. Thankfully she's leaving and when she does ill be writing to the head with my no holds barred opinion of their safeguarding and anti bullying practice which bears no reaction to their policies.

It may not be 'real life', but the kids know the rules. And on the whole behaviour is really good; it works. And in this instance we are not talking about a life threatening incident.

Apologist talk hes a teenage boy his intent won't be "oh I'm sexually harassing someone" a quick witted remark would have put him in his place quicker.