To be fuming with DDs secondary school over 'fuck boy'.

[Shitonmyshoe]

Just that! For those who don't know, girls now call sexually aggressive/promiscuous boys 'fuck boy'. My daughter has no interest in lads and is only bothered about her GCSEs (very studious but outgoing kid). Today a lad in her year placed his index and middle finger to his face and wriggled his tongue between them (classy) towards my daughter. She told him, 'get out of my face fuck boy' which has resulted in her being punished via a detention. For background she is less than 5 foot in yr 10 and he is well over 6 foot and obviously trains (shithouse wall). Apparently, reason DD was punished was because she was being aggressive 😂

CopperRose

You might think it is trivial and splitting hairs. But the word hysteria is only ever applied to women.

Often when they are angry about, guess what, sexual aggression.

Because the same is happening her wrt sexual aggression.

Here, even.

Why would you suspect that?

Because it's being demonstrated in this thread. It doesn't take much brain power to deduce that.

It speaks volumes that a teen should be allowed to gesticulate like that to a girl in an apparently safe environment. It sends an appalling message. It would have been more appropriate to punish the boy and have a chat with your daughter about her response. Though to be honest I think that I would have responded in a similar vein had this happened in the street. It's vile I would absoloutely expect a suspension.

It's good for girls/women to learn to defend themselves. It's not good for low level sexual harassment by boys/men to be normalised and tolerated - it tells everyone that sexual harassment is acceptable and it really isn't, ever.

I agree with this -

Those who minimalist it haven't worked in a senior school - these boys rule the roost and telling a teacher doesn't do any good - they have to stand up for themselves -

Your DD did the right thing - it's unfortunate she was the only one punished

Girls in school are subjected to this sort of harassment all the time. It's endemic. The OP's daughter would have said fuck off to this kid half a dozen times already.

It doesn't stop.

The only to make it stop is the name of the problem and treat it accordingly. Treating this as in any way equal between the two pupils is disguising the problem.

And also what's the point of girls defending themselves when the rest of society is determined to let boys get away with it? When so many people here minimise it as just one of those things?

Good on your daughter for defending herself.

The prissy pearl clutching reactions and victim blaming comments made in relation to OPs daughter swearing defensively in reaction to being sexually harassed are ridiculous, although unsurprising. I expect if her response had been to hide away and cry or do nothing and ropey job to a teacher folk would be saying she needed to toughen up and get a grip.

OP, if you're still reading (wouldn't blame you if you weren't), I'd approach the school calmly, outline what happened, and ask what they're going to do about this.

Like PP, this kind of behaviour was quite common in my school, back in the 80s and was tolerated and blind eyes were turned. How depressing that it still goes on.

*ropey job = report him

When I was your DD's age over 10 years ago there was a boy in our class who used to grope girls. He once pulled a friends knickers through her trousers so hard that they ripped. We told him to go away in no uncertain terms and it didn't stop. This guy was disgusting and did not care that girls would get tearful in front of him because of his actions. We all told him to leave us alone but he didn't.

We told our Head of Year (in the form of 'written statements' of the incidents) who told him to stay in his cylinder and out of ours... that was the only punishment inflicted on this boy. The teachers were so unhelpful.

I wonder if we had been as assertive as your DD it would have helped. I was a painfully shy teen though thankfully now I wouldn't hesitate to tell them where to go.

Tbf there is only a very small handful of PP's who are dismissing the boys behaviour.

I do think the boy was a shit for doing that, the DD shouldn't have really retaliated how she did but she definitely shouldn't have got a detention when he didn't. I would have hoped the detention for the boy would include a chat from a female teacher (make him bloody squirm) on why it's not on to make those gestures unless the relationship between them means that gesture would be 'bantz' and acceptable and fine with the DD (ie my gay school mate calling me 'slut' = fine. Random boy calling me that = not fine)

Fwiw I didn't actually defend his behaviour.

My post:

I'd have told the pair of them off tbh, with a detention for him but not her.

Yet I am apparently:

"Advocate [sexual aggression] by default"

"misogynistic"

"[the sort of person who] dismisses casual racism"

"Lacking in brain power"

It wasn't retaliation though, it was an immediate defensive response. Retaliation means she went to him the next day and did something.

No one has said you were 'lacking in brain power' CopperRose Nor did they say any of the other quotes.

You are now on the defensive and I suggest you get a suspension. Now, how do you feel about that?

Oh and since you're here CopperRose can you describe to me 'actual sexual aggression'?

Op, what did the school say when your husband went in ?

Same thing isn't it? Counter attack if you will? Splitting heirs slightly but using your wording works as well.

Again, not defending the boy at all! If she was punished he absolutely should have been also. With a bloody good talking to, and perhaps even a related homework assignment to really drill it home.

Bullying and harassment are different sides of the same coin.
As a child I was bullied endlessly, mainly at home, but sometimes at school. As a woman I have faced harassment routinely. This is what I've learnt about responding to verbal bullying/harassment when there are other people around.

1. Show no fear, only anger.
2. Respond verbally immediately, loudly and aggressively.
3. Make sure people around you know what is happening by saying what has happened - "don't sexually harrass me" followed by an insult of your choice. Witnesses then know why you are being so aggressive.
4. Never let it pass, accept it or be told it does not matter.

Playing nice, speaking softly, using polite language is utterly pointless.

Counterattack?

Jesus Christ

No it was a gesture. Nothing more. A rude gesture, granted but posters referring to it as sexual violence/aggression are ridiculously OTT

Of course gestures can be aggressive- what nonsense to say they can't.

The boy should have been punished and explained to him why his behaviour is unacceptable.

The girl should have been told that whilst her reaction was understandable swearing is not appropriate in school but with no further punishment.

Totally agree time

Girls should not be taught to be 'nice' at all IMO

perhaps even a related homework assignment to really drill it home.

Yes, that's the way to combat misogyny. Homework.

'Counter attack if you will'

No, it's not a counter attack. A counter attack is used during warfare and debates. It's nothing whatsoever to do with an immediate defensive response.

I certainly didn't mean attack as in ATTACK which is why I added "if you will" after it. Counter strike? I don't mean it as a bad thing as in what she did was worse, apologies if it comes across that way