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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be fuming with DDs secondary school over 'fuck boy'.

573 replies

Shitonmyshoe · 27/04/2017 23:34

Just that! For those who don't know, girls now call sexually aggressive/promiscuous boys 'fuck boy'. My daughter has no interest in lads and is only bothered about her GCSEs (very studious but outgoing kid). Today a lad in her year placed his index and middle finger to his face and wriggled his tongue between them (classy) towards my daughter. She told him, 'get out of my face fuck boy' which has resulted in her being punished via a detention. For background she is less than 5 foot in yr 10 and he is well over 6 foot and obviously trains (shithouse wall). Apparently, reason DD was punished was because she was being aggressive 😂

OP posts:
metalmum15 · 28/04/2017 09:50

She was as good as sexually attacked I think that's slightly over the top, and I'm sure many victims of sexual abuse would think so too.

He's obviously just a twatty teenager who thinks it's cool to be vulgar, and quite frankly, she should have ignored him and not given him the response he was obviously looking for.

When I was at school, boys went around making wanker gestures and sexual innuendos all the time. It's just a stupid phase. And none of them grew up to be rapists.

StealthPolarBear · 28/04/2017 09:50

Which I personally think is a lot to ask of am adult.

StealthPolarBear · 28/04/2017 09:51

Metal how do you know none grew up to be rapists btw?

histinyhandsarefrozen · 28/04/2017 09:51

This reply has been deleted

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HomityBabbityPie · 28/04/2017 10:02

When I was at school, boys went around making wanker gestures and sexual innuendos all the time. It's just a stupid phase. And none of them grew up to be rapists.

One, how on earth do you know? I was raped by a twatty teenager. He was never prosecuted. He's out there, in the world.

Two, saying it's a stupid phase excuses and normalises it.

If my son did this I'd expect him to be suspended at the least.

amusedbush · 28/04/2017 10:06

It's actually 'fuck boi'

I've only ever seen it as "fuck boy" anywhere on social media.

If she was given detention then he should have been too.

Datun · 28/04/2017 10:06

In terms of the equivalency of the two actions, is there a mime that a girl could do that would be fairly universally considered disgusting/aggressive/scary towards boys?

JustDanceAddict · 28/04/2017 10:09

Both wrong

BloodyEatSomething · 28/04/2017 10:14

The only mime similar is I suppose the little finger wriggle that's supposed to reference small dicks.

It's appalling how many people are willing to defend the unwanted aggressive sexuality of boys and men against girls and women. And clearly one hell of a lot of these over-indulged male dominators do grow up to be rapists, or wife and child beaters or just all round unpleasant misogynist shits. Next time you hear about a rape metalmum I don't suppise you will stop to think about how your indulgence of male sexual aggression is enabling it, but bloody hell you should!

Annahibiscuits · 28/04/2017 10:15

This thread is appalling. It makes me despair. It reminds me of 'angry Black women'

Annahibiscuits · 28/04/2017 10:16

metal, I was raped by one of those 'twatty teenagers'

Annahibiscuits · 28/04/2017 10:17

There isn't an opposite equivalent because of the context of the society we live in.

metalmum15 · 28/04/2017 10:21

Stealth I don't know 100% for sure, obviously, but the boys in question are all now sensible happily married 40-somethings. I think I was just trying to say it's quite often a silly phase that a lot (but not all) teenage boys go through as their hormones are raging. Friends with older children (boys and girls) often tell me instances of similar things happening in school. I'm not excusing this boys behaviour at all, just pointing out it happens a lot and always has done.

(The 80's equivalent was making a circle with your thumb and forefinger and sticking the other forefinger through it. Does anyone still use that gesture? )

Furchesterbaby · 28/04/2017 10:23

Late to this thread but really? Ffs.

So the dd was sexually harassed and then punished for defending herself.

Warning women out there. Next time you're sexually harassed be sure to defend yourselves only in a ladylike manner. Or better still take the sexual harassment as a compliment.

user1487175389 · 28/04/2017 10:24

I think it's good there's now a name for these boys, rather than it being seen as normal behaviour as it was in the 90s.

You need to complain to the school and make it clear that your daughter has a right to defend herself against sexual aggression. At the very least this boy should also face consequences.

BloodyEatSomething · 28/04/2017 10:25

Therefore it's excusable is it? Perfectly all right to sexually harass girls and women in public spaces because "it has always happened"??

FlapAttack78 · 28/04/2017 10:25

Blowjob gesture ! Tongue in cheek with hand motions to side of face! disgusting/aggressive/scary? No

Such is the way with the context of society and therefore the negative connorations that get attached to the female version of otherwise equivalent language/gestures

A bit like slut vs fuck boy

metalmum15 · 28/04/2017 10:26

Bloody nowhere did I say I 'indulged' his behaviour, I quite clearly pointed out he's obviously a vulgar twat. And not all rapists start off with making obscene gestures at school.

BloodyEatSomething · 28/04/2017 10:27

Damn their raging hormones. Weren't women excluded at one time and thought of as sub-human because of their raging hormones? Can we acknowledge teenage boys as that now and lock them away? No? Always girls that are at fault or need to give way to boys isn't it?

BloodyEatSomething · 28/04/2017 10:30

If you accept their behaviour and say things like it's all ok because poor boys have raging hormones then of course you are excusing it. That is virtually the same as tolerating it - and only one tiny step away from enabling it.

Datun · 28/04/2017 10:30

Today 10:17 Annahibiscuits

There isn't an opposite equivalent because of the context of the society we live in.

And that is the crux of the matter. Women cannot stop sexual violence. Whether they are passive or aggressive it doesn't stop.

And it largely flows one way.

Sexual harassment is rife in schools, epidemic.

An exchange of this nature should be considered completely differently to an exchange between students of the same sex.

You can't apply the same structure.

You can't consider the action of the boy and judge it with anywhere near the same criteria when considering the action of the girl.

Sure, teachers cannot openly condone the girl's reaction. But they can, and should, acknowledge that one is an oppressive act and the other is a reaction to it.

ALittleMop · 28/04/2017 10:30

OP, you need to tell us if the boy was punished.
Has your daughter reported what he did and was it taken seriously?

metalmum15 · 28/04/2017 10:37

Again, I never said the girl was at fault or needed to give way to the boy. I don't condone rapists or abusers, and I don't 'victim blame'.

HMWelsch · 28/04/2017 10:38

Datun

When you say structure it feels like you mean to say standards, but that would be ridiculous, wouldn't it...

Datun · 28/04/2017 10:45

HMWelsch

Not really, no. If standards means everyone behaves with the same standard of morality, politeness, respect, then yes you can use standards.

But as sexual aggression is usually a sex based behaviour, there is no equal standard.