To be fuming with DDs secondary school over 'fuck boy'.

[Shitonmyshoe]

Just that! For those who don't know, girls now call sexually aggressive/promiscuous boys 'fuck boy'. My daughter has no interest in lads and is only bothered about her GCSEs (very studious but outgoing kid). Today a lad in her year placed his index and middle finger to his face and wriggled his tongue between them (classy) towards my daughter. She told him, 'get out of my face fuck boy' which has resulted in her being punished via a detention. For background she is less than 5 foot in yr 10 and he is well over 6 foot and obviously trains (shithouse wall). Apparently, reason DD was punished was because she was being aggressive 😂

Why on earth should the OP "acknowledge" something as utterly bollocks as that?!??

Nobody has said that the boy was right in any way to make the gesture. Not sure why agreeing that the DD should be punished as well as the boy equates to condoning his actions.

As for 'she was as good as sexually attacked', as someone who was raped at 15, that is unbelievably offensive.

He was a little shit and should be punished. He may well have been. But no, making a gesture in no way compares to being sexually assaulted.

Same reasoning could be given for retaliating with a swift punch to the face... Kazeno. Which could have been how the teenage boy (also adolescent braib eith lack of adukt reasoning) may have responded to being called FuckBoI.. would we then accept the same argument for his defense?

This is a crazy thread. He was out if order and vulgar but she stooped to his level in her response and got pulled up on it. That's how schools work unfortunately.

I really hope the boy got pulled up on his actions too.. and I think the way OP s daughter retaliated wasn't great but also that she may have felt it was the best way to respond but should also recognise her behaviour of swearing and calling someone a sexually demeaning term is not acceptable and therefore will be dealt with too otherwise every unacceptable action in the school would result in a cascade of retaliation actions that the rules don't apply to and therefor must be excused.... it would just be impossible

A girl saying 'get out of my face fuck boi' is not the same as a boy saying 'fuck off slut'. It just isn't. The two terms are not equal and nor are the situations. I suppose miming tossing off and miming cunnilingus are pretty similar, but until girls sexually harrass / assault boys at similar rates to boys harrassing / assaulting girls the implications aren't the same either.

Girls behaviour is held to different standards than boys, which is why 'slut' is such a slur, and probably why this girl is being punished for saying 'fuck' where the boy appears to have no consequences (and yes his harassment might not have been seen, but it doesn't sound as if the incident was investigated either).

The OP hasn't covered herself in glory though, and perhaps her dd is quite aggressive too which would add complexity to the story.

@Livia did people not say "harassed" rather than "assaulted"? But Christ, on a separate note I'm so truly sorry you went through that . How utterly horrendous; I can't even imagine it.

Because the insult she used is all about his sexuality. As others have said, it's like 'slut' or 'whore'. You can pretend that it isn't as bad because of "ingrained misogyny/power" but that doesn't mean you're correct.

diirty they are not in primary school. They are 15

welsch the term calls the boys out on their sexual aggression

If someone did that to me I'd shout fuck off.
If someone did that to me at work I'd say fuck off and then report them for sexual harassment.
If it had happened to me at school I too would have been given detention. I was horribly bullied by girls at school and the one time I lashed out whilst cornered was the time a teacher noticed. I got suspended.
The school were not interested that i had been a victim for years despite me asking for help, hiding at lunch, bunking off etc.

Your daughter was being unreasonable. She should have kicked him in the balls.

Your DDs response was proportional and appropriate.
Good on her.
If she has to take a detention for it, that's no big deal.

Both in the wrong and both should be punished. Clearly the OPs DD was retaliating but she can't retaliate in a sexually offensive way by using sexually demeaning names and she can't swear at school.

I'm not sure it really is the same as slot or whore though. It can be used that way, or it can be used toward someone who is sexually on the pull, or just as a general insult. I'd suspect in this case one of the last two applies. If the girl had said 'get out of my face tosser' would it be that different? In any case she's only in trouble because she said 'fuck'.

Can we have a wall emoticon or a sore head one for OPs who only want replies agreeing with them.

FWIW. I'd be terribly disappointed if my daughter couldn't handle a situation like your daughter found herself in without resorting to foul language.

Oh and op, I would have reacted in a similar way to your dd in high school. Not the fuck boy comment, the type at my school who'd do what that boy did who'd have taken that as a compliment. But I told boys to fuck off for similar comments/gestures as your dd.
Would have taken my punishment if I'd been heard though, well probably would have argued it a bit and maybe got myself into futher trouble. As long as the boy in question was disciplined also, my mum wouldn't have said anything to school. I wouldn't have any further punishment from home though and my parents would have said 'good on me'

Tbf the only time I was heard by a teacher was by the male pe teacher and he said 'I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that! And then to the boys in question, I'm going to presume you said something to deserve that, so you're staying behind after lesson to help me clean the equipment'
Not exactly following the school rules, but he did also say, if they were giving me any problems to speak to him about it, or another teacher if I felt more comfortable.

Good on your daughter OP

If you are being sexually harassed, as far as I am concerned you should be able to respond how you like without worrying about whether your response is politically correct.
The aim is to get the person to a) stop and b) think twice about doing it again. An aggressive response that humiliates the harasser in front of his peers would be a good way to do this.
Expecting the DD to follow polite PC rules when her harasser doesn't give a monkey's about them is ridiculous. She needed to use language he understands.

And once again we reach the "women should be treated equally, but not held to the samestandards as men because we've had it worse".

Sexual harrassment is sexual harrassment regardless of who does it and what genitals they possess. It doesn't make it okay because one group is attacked (verbally, physically, emotionally) less so than the other.

Yes slut and fuck boy are the same, regardless of how you perceive it. They mean the exact same thing. You might think being called a slut is a slur, I'd shrug it off and get on with my day. This boy may not find fuck boy offensive but another might.

Just to note my top comment in the post at 08:35 was in response to the posters saying that her behaviour wasn't as bad because of "ingrained misogyny/power" or it not having the same "implications" because less women sexually harrass men.

Emboo yes that's the line I often used to use but thing have changed . If I did that as a teacher now there would be screams of protest from the boys and calls of unfairness and parental complaints aplenty. I once took a note off a group of girls who were passing it back and forth to each other during my lesson. When I took it off them they were mortified and silent the rest of the lesson. When I read it it was a conversation describing how they were going to set up this boy they didnt like in a way almost like you describe... to all be neat him and one girl act the victim pretended he had done x and the rest being witnesses. So as a teacher it's really hard sometimes especially when you don't witness an incident.

Its the nature of there being approx 30 students for every member of staff in a school. . Its hard to be fair and always get it right and on top of that you've got to follow the rules or risk setting up an undesirable precedent for exceptions

Pleased to see some of the crude taunts from the OP have now been deleted. Debate should not degenerate to name calling and personal abuse.

They were both in the wrong and should both have been punished. If swearing is against school rules then provoked or not, YABU to be fuming about dd's detention. She could have told him to get out of her face without swearing.

Did the boy definitely go unpunished? Because I would have agreed re DD's detention but only on the basis that the boy was also punished for being vile.

The idea that it doesn't matter who started it, that both are equally to blame, despite the fact that one person was the aggressor and the other person responding to aggression, doesn't just demonstrate victim-blaming, it demonstrates a profoundly skewed moral compass. You should be ashamed of yourselves.

^This