Is Dsis taking the P or am I being insensitive?

[NoMoreBones]

Sister had a baby 9 weeks ago, I have had her 3 times overnight in that time, other siblings once and twice each so she has only actually had the baby at the weekend once since birth. So not like she doesn't get a break.

My son wad admitted to hospital on Sunday and was diagnosed with type one diabetes. We are just learning about carb counting and monitoring blood sugars etc, it's all new and d's needs supervising and sometimes help. I am preparing his 4 meals and 2 snacks each day.
As a single mum (I have a bf but it's early days and he doesn't live with is) with 2 other kids it is very full on and I have had to take the week off work to meet with the care team and nutritionist and school.

Yesterday dsis asked me to have the baby overnight on Saturday, I already have a friends child staying all weekend while she works and it was all arranged before this so I am still going ahead, this chikd is 9 so doesn't need immediate attention and can get herself a drink/snack etc. So anyeay I said sorry I have X this weekend I can't manage another.

Before the medical issues with D'S I had agreed to have the baby tonight for a few hours while sis and her partner go out for dinner. I totally forgot all about since with havibg so much going on. I got a text earlier saying do I want to have the baby overnight now since I am off work tomorrow.

So my AIBU is am I BY to be pissed off that dsis is still expecting me to have a 9 week old baby that feeds 3 hourly when i have so much else going on and that she wants to push it for more since I am off, without a thought to the fact that I have 3 separate appointments to deal with tomorrow and enough on my plate!

My advice is
If you think you will pass a social services viability assessment to take on your niece if your sister goes to prison, then make sure you get a special guardianship order, do not settle for an informal family carer that way you can get some sort of allowance from the LA it is means tested but measured against how much a fostering allowance would have cost the LA it also makes it easier to access support for your DN if she needs it.
www.familylives.org.uk/advice/your-family/fostering-adoption-kinshipcare/special-guardianship-orders/

Oh Bones, that's not good

Might be an idea to start looking into diabetes support groups. And I'm sure there will be threads on here under children's health that will be able to offer support (even if it's not specifically type 1 MN seems to cover everything)

Also your GP surgery might be able to point you in the right direction, as could the hospital dietitians?

I suppose what I'm trying to say is don't be afraid to ask for help. You don't have to plaster a smile on and pretend everything is ok- this is a massive shock for you as well as DS

Bones, under Health there is a whole section on diabetes xx

It is very hard but it will be best for the little baby if she can find a permanent home as soon as possible, whether with family or outside it.

Hope your son is okay. It must be a lot to keep on top of.

I think you and your siblings (sans Dsis) need to speak to the Social Worker and lay it out on the line for her/him re the caring you are all doing for the baby. Once you've done that and gotten advice from her/him you all need to get together and formulate a plan and an agreement to abide by regarding caring for your DN. That way you will all be on the same page when/if something happens.

Don't wait until she takes off again or is sent to jail. You need to plan now.

I don't really have anything useful to add except that I'm Type 1 as well so if you want to chat or ask anything please feel free to message me. I was diagnosed 3.5 years ago, and as someone says above it is more of an art than a science getting it right! and when you've been running high hypos often happen even at a more normal level (I was hypoing at 14.5 - which is still high since my target was 5-7 - when I was diagnosed as my sugars had been so high the past weeks before) xx

I think we need to face the inevitable and speak to the social worker. It is not an easy thing to do though, knowing the repercussions and while objectively it would probably be best for the baby, I have always had it ingrained that family stick together. It feels like a terrible thing to do.

But your niece is family too, and she is the vulnerable one. Surely the "family stick together" ethos doesn't extend to allowing a child in the family to be neglected or harmed?

Yanbu! No one has had our dcs overnight in 6.5 years!

This is starting to sound more and more like an episode of Jeremy Kyle. OP, You sound like you and your family are trying your hardest to help your DSis, but really I think it's time she stood on her own two feet and faced up to her responsibilities. If she's really looking at prison time then the baby needs to be put permanently with a loving family, whether that's one of you or an adoptive family.

She's feckless and selfish and you need to put your children and her baby first.

As someone up thread said if you need a break you sleep not go out on the piss or for dinner.

Horrible situation all round

I didn't mention it in the first post because the thread was about me saying no because of my son and not really about the amount we have the baby

I think that you (and us by not giving background) expecting her to behave in a logical reasonable way when she has...

*had a child removed by social services
*has a history of being very selfish
*has been addicted to drugs
*is probably going to be sent to prison for 3-5 years

Was never going to be an option!

I really think you need to speak to her social worker asap. At the moment, you and your family are enabling her to do exactly what she wants-that is not putting the baby first.

Diabetes is unpredictable so try not to worry too much about what you are or are not doing right/wrong. You will get to a point where you just go into auto mode. At the moment you will see blood levels of under 4 and panic but eventually you wont see the difference between 2.5 and 6. You will just automatically treat the hypo and go on with your day without a second thought.

I am appalled that a newborn baby has been allowed to remain in the care of a Mother who has already lost custody of her first child. Especially when they are awaiting significant custodial sentences! Attachment is so important in these early months, SS should have either arranged care from family from day one or put this little one into foster care/ up for adoption.

It sounds very much like your sister is deliberately distancing herself from her newborn daughter, protecting herself from the pain that separation will cause when she goes to prison. Why was this allowed to happen? This situation is cruel to your sister and your tiny niece! Your sister and her partner are clearly still involved with drugs/ drink and dangerous behaviours. It is not normal for new parents to have so little care for their precious newborn! Your poor little niece must be so confused! In your situationcarer wwould be contacting social services and informing them of your sisters behaviour. If your sister is constantly looking for someone to take your niece, then if she can't find a babysitter she may choose to leave your niece alone at home. Alternatively she could start taking your niece to places that a newborn should not be going. The implications of both of these situations are life long and tragic and yet this is easily avoidable!

Is she looking after the baby properly when she has her? This whole situation makes me very worried for the baby's safety. I think I'd be trying to have her as much as possible in the short term and do everything in my power to make sure she's safe. I know you've got enough on your plate already OP but what else can you do?

Hi op how is the situation now, has your sister stepped up?