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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is Dsis taking the P or am I being insensitive?

165 replies

NoMoreBones · 27/04/2017 19:42

Sister had a baby 9 weeks ago, I have had her 3 times overnight in that time, other siblings once and twice each so she has only actually had the baby at the weekend once since birth. So not like she doesn't get a break.

My son wad admitted to hospital on Sunday and was diagnosed with type one diabetes. We are just learning about carb counting and monitoring blood sugars etc, it's all new and d's needs supervising and sometimes help. I am preparing his 4 meals and 2 snacks each day.
As a single mum (I have a bf but it's early days and he doesn't live with is) with 2 other kids it is very full on and I have had to take the week off work to meet with the care team and nutritionist and school.

Yesterday dsis asked me to have the baby overnight on Saturday, I already have a friends child staying all weekend while she works and it was all arranged before this so I am still going ahead, this chikd is 9 so doesn't need immediate attention and can get herself a drink/snack etc. So anyeay I said sorry I have X this weekend I can't manage another.

Before the medical issues with D'S I had agreed to have the baby tonight for a few hours while sis and her partner go out for dinner. I totally forgot all about since with havibg so much going on. I got a text earlier saying do I want to have the baby overnight now since I am off work tomorrow.

So my AIBU is am I BY to be pissed off that dsis is still expecting me to have a 9 week old baby that feeds 3 hourly when i have so much else going on and that she wants to push it for more since I am off, without a thought to the fact that I have 3 separate appointments to deal with tomorrow and enough on my plate!

OP posts:

Whereismumhiding2 · 27/04/2017 22:02

Yanbu

It's not your responsibility to stop your life to fix hers. It's ok to say to Dsis you forgotten their dinner plans, they'll just have to change them, as you are too tired. You've been at hospital with DS, he's just been diagnosed with diabetes and you need a break yourself to get on top of his new regime. ...Things change, your DC's needs are allowed to change.

Babies are hard work and neither your DSis nor her DP seem to want to take the whole package on ...she has a partner, baby's dad who can help out too! Cant they go out/ have nights off separately ? There's two of them!

Where is this maid service that parents get to have frequent nights off together to go out every weekend, that she thinks are necessary to help new parents cope? Did you really agree that she could have a weekend off each week and you'd put your DC's second to her social life?

Your DCs need their mum too, not one exhausted by no sleep regularly on weekends! You said you're a single parent too to your DC?

I'd have kissed the feet of any family member who could have done night wake up/ feeds just one night in a blue moon for any of my wakeful 3 DCs (til they were 3! So i was hanging for 9 years!!) But I'd have slept not gone out..

It's so lovely you are helping her out and supporting her, but DSis is BU to expect that others will shatter themselves to enable her to have a baby but 'not have a baby that interferes with her inherent right to party weekends' at the level she is asking.

Sayhellotothelittlefella · 27/04/2017 22:05

Sorry, missed the update while I was writing reply. Sorry OP in light of new revelations IDK WIWD. All I can offer is my hopes for you that things improve

ohcraptoday · 27/04/2017 22:07

Very odd. I'd look into pnd with her tbh. 9 weeks old and once been home for the weekend? Not quite right.

Sorry you're going through shit

Whereismumhiding2 · 27/04/2017 22:07

Goodness op, i cross posted as it took me so long to type that and have just read your update and others PPs since I started typing.

GotToGetMyFingerOut · 27/04/2017 22:08

Thing is you know how much the baby is being palmed off to you and your siblings but where else could she be being palmed off that you don't know about?

The dad's family? Friends? Really shocking actually the baby won't know whether it's coming or going.

Sorry about your sons diagnosis. My cousin was diagnosed about a similar age and the whole family was reeling and all going out their way to help it was a worrying time until everyone was clued up and the right dose of insulin etc was figured out so your sisters selfish behaviour is shocking. I'd stop enabling her palming the baby off and just concentrate on trying to get your heads around the big change in your lifes.

GotToGetMyFingerOut · 27/04/2017 22:10

I also reckon she's still on something. She sounds very chaotic and unreliable.

diddl · 27/04/2017 22:11

If your sister goes to prison & her daughter is cared for in that time, would she then be handed back after? Would your sister even want her?

What happened to her other child?

Ceto · 27/04/2017 22:12

If you're trying to build up an attachment with a potential family carer, it needs to be just one of you, not several, otherwise it is still really unfair on the baby. I would suggest talking to the social worker about this.

diddl · 27/04/2017 22:12

Sorry, completely nosy & OT-ignore!

Birdsgottaf1y · 27/04/2017 22:13

""The baby is on a chikd protection plan and we are all trying to build attachments with her incase one of us ends up as family carer.""

Unfortunately attachment doesn't work like that. A firm attachment is needed with one, or two primary Carers, then wider family.

The children that haven't attached firmly in that way, but have been passed around within the family, have all ended up with attachment disorders, to some extent, some times in a females case, that doesn't show until they are starting a sex life, or have their own baby, it's quite sad.

You need to be telling the truth, for the baby's sake.

At the moment you're helping your Sister mess this child up for life.

noitsnotme · 27/04/2017 22:13

Jeez, OP I completely get why you want to bond with the baby, and I totally take my hat off to you for preparing for what you might have to step up and do. But, if your sister thinks she's going to prison, then all more reason to cherish the time she gets with her baby. And perhaps I'm crossing a line, but 3-5 years? Is this a violent crime? I think your DN is probably better off out of all this. Say you do end up caring for her. What the hell happens to you all when your sister gets out?

AhNowTed · 27/04/2017 22:14

"that is exactly what I always think about her, give her an inch and she takes a mile. You can't just have the baby for a few hours, she pushed it to overnight, then in the morning pick up gets later and latet and then she wants you to drop her off. *"
*
Seriously could she care any less.

Bless you OP but the sympathetic language you use is totally misplaced here.

She should be cherishing what time she has. Instead she is simply a selfish feckless "mother" and he sound like a real prince.

nachogazpacho · 27/04/2017 22:16

Your dsis is probably not telling you the truth or possibly a half truth. She may have told the sw her child was with you once but not that the baby is regularly off elsewhere because otherwise the sw would have spoken to you about it.

Whereismumhiding2 · 27/04/2017 22:18

All i can say is to you and that your DSis doesn't seemed to have learnt anything. Babies are such a gift and if she might be about to do prison time, why would she continue to go out rather than spend every godamn hour smelling and cuddling her newborn baby. To show that she has changed? And to make the most of precious time right now.

Original poster

NoMoreBones · 27/04/2017 22:18

diddl the other child lives with her dad and my sister is not allowed any contact with her at all.

As for would my sister want her back? I honestly don't know, I think and worry about it a lot.

We have just been waiting to see what happens as she was only charged last week, her dp was charged and up in court and pleaded not guilty last year, he is due on trial layer this year but my sister wasn't charged just kept getting bailed so everything was up in the air. Then she was charged last week and then my son took ill at the weekend so my head is all over the place and I just don't have all the answers.

OP posts:

Original poster

NoMoreBones · 27/04/2017 22:20

Not a violent crime no. They actually made it into police interceptors though! My sister in all her pregnant glory. Thankfully we don't share a surname and don't associate with the same people.

OP posts:

arethereanyleftatall · 27/04/2017 22:20

I wonder if your sister is trying on purpose not to get attached to her baby, as she knows she's going to prison, and her baby will be looked after by someone else?

bingisthebest · 27/04/2017 22:21

Oh my goodness you're child has just been diagnosed with diabetes. You need time with your child to support him and you need some support yourself. Ydanbu

noitsnotme · 27/04/2017 22:23

I'll be watching that this weekend then

innagazing · 27/04/2017 22:26

Crisps that would probably be the best outcome for the baby but social services are happy for her to stay with her parents so it's not my place to overrule them.

But Social Services don't know she is farming the baby out to others! Social workers can only make decisions based on what they know, or access what is likely to be happening. They would be very surprised/concerned to know that the baby regularly spends overnights away starting from 10 days old.

How do you know that the baby isn't being left with others more regularly and not just with you and your siblings? Is it possible that your sister would leave it with other people too? People who may not be suitable carers, or may abuse? This baby is very vulnerable, and you really need to inform the Social Worker. Imagine if you didn't reportit, and some sort of awful harm comes to the baby?

Original poster

NoMoreBones · 27/04/2017 22:28

noitsnot they were on already. can still get it on catch up

I only just name changed, I have totally outed myself with this one.

Bing exactly what I was thinking, I was just shocked tgat she even asked and still expected me to have the baby never mind extend it.

OP posts:

StarUtopia · 27/04/2017 22:28

Just read your last update. I'm somewhat appalled she has even had another baby given she has already had one child removed (and why did the family not step up in this instance?!)

She sounds incredibly immature and treats having children like some kind of 'hobby' Sounds like she needs a stern reality check to me.

innagazing · 27/04/2017 22:30

Sorry, I posted my last comment but hadn't seen the update about the pending trial

MuncheysMummy · 27/04/2017 22:32

Can I just ask WHY the hell she had the baby?? Seeing as she clearly doesn't want her??!!!

angelikacpickles · 27/04/2017 22:34

Just read your last update. I'm somewhat appalled she has even had another baby given she has already had one child removed (and why did the family not step up in this instance?!)

That child is living with its father. Why would the OP need to step up?

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