FUMING about this man's comments on my lunch at the supermarket!

[LunchRant]

Working from home today. Extremely stressed as I'm really behind on deadlines for things. Decided to pop out for some fresh air and lunch. Went to the big Tesco near me and was browsing the lunch aisle (meal deal sandwiches etc) when a guy just walks by and tuts. Then he says "That's fattening. Definitely fattening."

I have definitely went up a size recently due to not having time to do my usual exercise routine, crappy sleep, and snacking for energy while i'm up at midnight typing/working. But the madness will end by the end of May and I can focus on losing weight again. Not my priority right now.

So i immediately got angry. Told him that he'd best stay away from it then (It was a hummus, falafel wrap btw). He giggled. Still didn't budge. He said something like he's been losing the same battle with his stomach for years. But his wife is still as thin as the day they got married. Then advised me to "stay away from all that. Fresh air is all that you need."

I asked if that's all his wife ate, fresh air. And i asked him to come over and tell me what i should be eating then. I was quite arsey. "Come on. since you've got such an opinion on what i should eat. Come and choose for me."

Another woman who had recently appeared in the aisle said i should calm down. Clearly the man was just trying to make conversation. I told her he should have said hello then and commented on the rain like a normal person. Not comment on my calorie intake.

Then the man starts acting like a victim. "now, now, that's not what i meant. Just being friendly." Tesco employee emerges, just walking by, and the woman informs him that I'm harassing an elderly gentleman.

The employee looked a bit awkward. Asked if everything was okay. I just grumbled 'fuck this'. Put down the bottle of water i was holding, swapped it for a full fat bottle of irn bru and also got a packet of crisps. Childishly said a big 'Yum'. Then told the man "you should be ashamed of yourself." then went and paid.

15 minute walk home and I'm still reeling!

Yes i over reacted. Yes i am half a stone overweight in terms of BMI. Yes i'm still stuffing myself into size 12 clothes when i'm now a 14. And yes, i'm touchy about it.

But i am so pissed off that someone feels it's their right to comment on what someone else eats (especially when he was clearly overweight himself!)

And i'm also pissed off that the woman just passed it off as 'friendly chatter'.

I now don't think i can go back there for a few weeks as I'm so embarrassed. Can't even stomach eating this lunch now as i'm actually feeling guilty about eating something so 'fattening'. Arsehole.

Also can't find the motivation to continue with this work. An hour til DD finishes school. Was hoping i'd make some progress today. Nope!

Cheep

What you said.

In spades.

WHY IS HE RUDE?- he's commenting that food on the shelves is fattening ???

I think you overreacted. Yes he was either rude or making a clumsy attempt to engage in conversation, but I don't think he deserved the fuss you were obviously making. If someone else thought that you were harassing him then I think you went way over the top.

since we do not know whether he would have said the same thing to a man.

Yes, because we can totally envisage a scenario where one man tuts at another man reaching for a falafel sandwich and tells him to stay away from it because 'it's definitely fattening' and that all he needs for his lunch is 'fresh air'.

HE DIDNT TELL HER TO STAY AWAY FROM IT
SHE SAID THAT

When you say "elderly" could he have been a bit confused and thought he was being a bit gallant and flirtatious? Would it have been so hard to smile and say "but they look nice" and walk away?

He sailed close to the wind.

You over reacted.

How can it possibly be a lighthearted comment? He could have made this comment to someone with an eating disorder, people should keep think about what they're going to say to people.

He's an arsehole and I would of just told him to drop dead or something. And the woman was a twat too.

And it was rude - people like him make mean comments which they then pass off as just conversation or 'banter'. Knobs.

Ferris

Then advised me to "stay away from all that. Fresh air is all that you need

I feel so sorry for this guy
I'm imagining my Dad or Uncle just making conversation in the sandwich aisle, talking about food being fattening and then being shouted at and told they should be ashamed of themselves.

MsGemJay "On a positive; it was lovely that an older lady (who might have felt vulnerable) stepped to your defence. She knows what it's like to be hard working, a Mumma and have female pride."

Huh? How did the woman "step to her defence" and where did you get older from? The OP didn't say she was older.

Kaitlin * So i immediately got angry. Told him that he'd best stay away from it then*
From the opening post, I don't know where you hit yours from

This conversation between strangers went too far, particularly from your side, OP.

Still can't believe some of you are excusing this man's comments.

To clarify:

He wasn't browsing the shelves. I was there first. I wasn't analysing the calorie content of the packets or showing any sign of being interested in nutritional value. I was holding one wrap while looking at the shelves for other options.

He appeared to be using the aisle as a shortcut to another. He tutted. Stopped. I turned round. Then he made the 'definitely fattening' comment. He was directing his words to me, about the wrap in my hand. So i told him he'd best stay away from it then. Flat tone. Not aggressive.

He then said about his wife and advised me to stay away from all that and what i needed was fresh air. Other shopper woman had come in halfway through these comments.

I then started all my "come choose what i should eat then" rantings. Shopper woman intervened. Then catches an employee walking by and gets him to intervene, accusing me of harassing an elderly gentleman. So i said 'fuck this', dumped my water, got an irn bru and crisps. Did a big, stupid "Yum" with a big, stupid smile. Then told the man he should be ashamed of himself, before heading off and paying for my lunch.

I'm not massively overweight, no. But i've gotten too big for my current jeans and they're making me look bigger than i am.

I am glad that i didn't just smile and nod. I'm glad i said something to him. What i do regret is raising my voice and not explaining why his comment was offensive a bit better than how i did.

I do not accept that he was just trying to make conversation. Lots of people make small talk round where i live. Me included! But not about anything personal. He could have said a number of things if he wanted to initiate conversation. He didn't need to say anything at all. He was passing through and stopped with the sole intent to comment on my lunch. He didn't come anywhere near the fridge to browse.

He said it was fattening
She said- stay away from it

since we do not know whether he would have said the same thing to a man

Yes, because we can totally envisage a scenario where one man tuts at another man reaching for a falafel sandwich and tells him to stay away from it because 'it's definitely fattening' and that all he needs for his lunch is 'fresh air'. hmm

I agree it's unlikely Chavelita but as we cannot actually prove that he wouldn't have said it to a man, I was giving him the benefit of the doubt - far be it from me to make assumptions!

Do you know what really gets me on these threads sometimes. On any thread involving slightly bad behaviour on the part of a child, a hundred posters will say "maybe they have autism or SN or LD"

What do people think happens to children with aspergers or autism? They grow up into adults with aspergers or autism. Eventually they are elderly men (or women) with aspergers or autism.

Can no-one ever apply the same considerations as they expect everyone to apply to children?

I have a relative in his late seventies with aspergers and this is the sort of thing he might say. He wouldn't mean anything by it. He would be mortified if someone then started screaming at him, and would probably think they were unhinged, as it wouldn't really occur to him that a pleasant chat over the sandwich fridge was reason to freak.

My relative had a fantastic career, a long marriage, children and a perfectly ordinary life. He just sometimes says slightly off things (as he's deaf, usually in a loud voice too). I really wish people on here could think of things like this instead of being so quick to ascribe horrendous motives to everyone.

I wish you had managed to interrogate him more effectively on how his wife goes about living on fresh air. Every vegan on Earth would like to know how that is done. Does she have a sort of baleen across her mouth to filter out pollen, yeasts and similar sources of nutrients?

Kind of like a land based whale shark.

Most peculiar and I strongly suspect she eats salad in front of him and chugs the Green and Blacks every time he leaves the house.

I agree he probably wouldn't have said it to a man. OTOH, he was overweight by his own admission, the OP is not overweight (he wasn't to know that she was feeling self-conscious) and she was in fact making a healthy choice. So, in his mind, this was probably a fat person making a joke to a thin person about food choices and not a misogynistic attempt to police women's weight.

Ferris

He said it was fattening
She said- stay away from it

I agree - but THEN (and I quote from the OP):

He giggled. Still didn't budge. He said something like he's been losing the same battle with his stomach for years. But his wife is still as thin as the day they got married. Then advised me to "stay away from all that. Fresh air is all that you need."

That's not what you said in OP

You've had a bad day- you said you were stressed, you're obviously concerned about putting on weight. You were immediately angry and offended at his opening comment, you bit back
Massive overreaction-but don't beat yourself up about it.

"Who the fuck makes conversation with strangers in a supermarket anyway?" You need to come to Ireland - conversations with strangers are the everyday norm, regardless of location :)

Yes Kaitlin, but she started it.
He commented that the food was fattening, she took massive offence, told him he should stay away from it.