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Original poster

FUMING about this man's comments on my lunch at the supermarket!

650 replies

LunchRant · 27/04/2017 14:00

Working from home today. Extremely stressed as I'm really behind on deadlines for things. Decided to pop out for some fresh air and lunch. Went to the big Tesco near me and was browsing the lunch aisle (meal deal sandwiches etc) when a guy just walks by and tuts. Then he says "That's fattening. Definitely fattening."

I have definitely went up a size recently due to not having time to do my usual exercise routine, crappy sleep, and snacking for energy while i'm up at midnight typing/working. But the madness will end by the end of May and I can focus on losing weight again. Not my priority right now.

So i immediately got angry. Told him that he'd best stay away from it then (It was a hummus, falafel wrap btw). He giggled. Still didn't budge. He said something like he's been losing the same battle with his stomach for years. But his wife is still as thin as the day they got married. Then advised me to "stay away from all that. Fresh air is all that you need."

I asked if that's all his wife ate, fresh air. And i asked him to come over and tell me what i should be eating then. I was quite arsey. "Come on. since you've got such an opinion on what i should eat. Come and choose for me."

Another woman who had recently appeared in the aisle said i should calm down. Clearly the man was just trying to make conversation. I told her he should have said hello then and commented on the rain like a normal person. Not comment on my calorie intake.

Then the man starts acting like a victim. "now, now, that's not what i meant. Just being friendly." Tesco employee emerges, just walking by, and the woman informs him that I'm harassing an elderly gentleman.

The employee looked a bit awkward. Asked if everything was okay. I just grumbled 'fuck this'. Put down the bottle of water i was holding, swapped it for a full fat bottle of irn bru and also got a packet of crisps. Childishly said a big 'Yum'. Then told the man "you should be ashamed of yourself." then went and paid.

15 minute walk home and I'm still reeling!

Yes i over reacted. Yes i am half a stone overweight in terms of BMI. Yes i'm still stuffing myself into size 12 clothes when i'm now a 14. And yes, i'm touchy about it.

But i am so pissed off that someone feels it's their right to comment on what someone else eats (especially when he was clearly overweight himself!)

And i'm also pissed off that the woman just passed it off as 'friendly chatter'.

I now don't think i can go back there for a few weeks as I'm so embarrassed. Can't even stomach eating this lunch now as i'm actually feeling guilty about eating something so 'fattening'. Arsehole.

Also can't find the motivation to continue with this work. An hour til DD finishes school. Was hoping i'd make some progress today. Nope!

OP posts:
haveacupoftea · 27/04/2017 17:23

There's a lot of smiling nodding dog types on here today Confused thinking you should just let the man upset you and get away with it! No way! You could have been a bit more self contained but he did strike a nerve and if you're going to go around offending people you can only blame yourself if that happens and they blow up at you.

Hopefully he will think twice before making comments to women in future.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 27/04/2017 17:25

I don't think either of you really came out of that smelling of roses tbh...

we have something in the brain that when we feel threatened in any way, its takes over and turns into maniacs. yours had fun today!

morningconstitutional2017 · 27/04/2017 17:25

There are some very rude people about who don't have the normal boundaries for whatever reason and it sounds like you just bumped into one of them. If I was only 7lbs overweight I'd be very happy about it.
You mention that you were feeling stressed about deadlines, maybe that put you even more on edge?

AdoraBell · 27/04/2017 17:26

I'm a sarky caah, so would have given him a Confused face and then said - sorry, are you my GP?

kaitlinktm · 27/04/2017 17:33

I have a very forthright and quick-thinking friend -

Scene - a chocolate machine

Rude Bloke - Ooh love - that's got lots of calories, maybe you shouldn't
Friend - Would you say that if I was a bloke?
Rude Bloke - Yeah - if he were fat
Friend - Oh well, at least we know you're just rude then, not sexist and rude

I wish I was like my friend Wink

Ferrisday · 27/04/2017 17:35

Am I reading a different post here?
An elderly man makes a passing comment about food still on the shelves
This woman immediately gets angry, tells him he better stay away from it then
(conversation, banter)
He then giggles, but doesn't move, he's in your way

He doesn't comment on what's in your trolley, he's commenting on what's on the fucking shelves!!!
He doesn't say you need to lose weight.
For all you know he could be trying to buy something for his wife but doesn't want anything fattening.
MASSIVE OVERREACTION
and I think the rest if you need to read this post properly

Elendon · 27/04/2017 17:36

I would have asked him if he knows he's talking to himself. Out loud. Big smile Grin and get the most calorific sandwich going.

NinonDeLenclos · 27/04/2017 17:38

I think if you get told to calm down by a random customer your reaction is clearly OTT.

People talk shit in public, that's life.

It's not worth getting riled about.

Elendon · 27/04/2017 17:38

Because some elderly men are all lovely and Granddad. They never kill or are sexual abusers or make sexist or racist remarks.

NinonDeLenclos · 27/04/2017 17:42

Not sure how we got from falafel wraps to murder and sex abuse.

But as it goes, elderly men quite often make sexist remarks as they weren't brought up with feminism. It's not worth going nuclear in Tesco over.

LaundryQueenHatesBunfights · 27/04/2017 17:44

'I think if you get told to calm down by a random customer your reaction is clearly OTT.

People talk shit in public, that's life.

It's not worth getting riled about.'

A random customer who didn't see the full exchange.

As pp have mentioned this is an example of #everydaysexism and SHOULD be challenged. A decade or so ago someone like you might have said 'people grab your bum in public, that's life. It's not worth getting riled about' in fact, sadly, I know people who would say similar now Sad

LaundryQueenHatesBunfights · 27/04/2017 17:47

And for everyone saying he was making conversation, he could've said 'it's awful weather for April, isn't it?' Or 'Oh, look, 3p off quiche!' If he had desperately felt the need but he chose to make a personal comment about the op's lunch.

brownpurse · 27/04/2017 17:53

I had a man say the exact same thing to me when I was looking at Easter eggs. I am a little bit over weight but didn't even think he was refering to me. I just laughed and then we had a little chat about temptation and went our seperate way. He was just passing the time of day as he walked past.

Ferrisday · 27/04/2017 17:54

Actually
You're being massively unreasonable.
He was commenting on the food on the shelves being fattening and you said to him
"You better stay away from it then"

CherryMintVanilla · 27/04/2017 17:55

In my volunteer group there are several elderly people who speak like this. I do make allowances for their age - I know that may be seen as 'reverse ageism' but they did grow up in a time where you could speak openly in that way without being chastised for it. I'm a size 18 and I don't like being told what a 'big lass' I am several times in one afternoon, but I just bite my lip (and to be honest, volunteer less than I otherwise would...)

pluck · 27/04/2017 17:56

I can't believe what a hard time the OP is getting. She was just making a conversation this man will never forget! Wink

Ferrisday · 27/04/2017 17:57

HOW IS IT RUDE OR MISOGYNISTIC OR SEXIST TO COMMENT ON FOOD ON A FUCKING SHELF??!!!

Teabagtits · 27/04/2017 18:12

The comment wasn't made to the food tho was it? It was made to the woman looking at the food for her lunch. You'd have to be really naive or just plain stupid to think there were no undertones or shaming intentions in making such a comment.

Well done OP for calling him out. Too often "elderly" men think they can get away with saying what they want without repercussions. He'll hopefully think twice about commenting on anyone's food choices in future.

kaitlinktm · 27/04/2017 18:12

He advised her to "stay away from it" and told her that "all she needed was fresh air". That's rude. It is unclear whether or not he was misogynistic and/or sexist since we do not know whether he would have said the same thing to a man.

Frillyhorseyknickers · 27/04/2017 18:18

This is exactly why I shop in Waitrose. 🙄

shinynewusername · 27/04/2017 18:19

Another woman who had recently appeared in the aisle said i should calm down. Clearly the man was just trying to make conversation. I told her he should have said hello then and commented on the rain like a normal person. Not comment on my calorie intake. Then the man starts acting like a victim. "now, now, that's not what i meant. Just being friendly." Tesco employee emerges, just walking by, and the woman informs him that I'm harassing an elderly gentleman.

I agree that his comment was misjudged but your reaction does sound borderline deranged. A complete stranger felt the need to intervene on his behalf. In England.

Ferrisday · 27/04/2017 18:20

I suggest you reread
when a guy just walks by and tuts. Then he says "That's fattening. Definitely fattening
He's talking about the food on the shelves
He's not commenting on her or the food in her basket
Then she says
you best stay away from it then
How is that an insult from him??

MsGemJay · 27/04/2017 18:21

Woooooa!!!

Ok; I think (rude married man) is a flirt and uses "rude" comments to get female attention. Cos prolly his wife isn't happy with him and maybe not even around? (Just saying)

On a bad day I would have done the same.

On a positive; it was lovely that an older lady (who might have felt vulnerable) stepped to your defence. She knows what it's like to be hard working, a Mumma and have female pride.

Stuff fatty-unhappily married git.

I would LOVE to be zipping myself into s12 (tray wrestling with 16) ;)

We are all amazing women and fabulous mummas. If fat-git-Joe-public wants to give Ann opinion it's ok with me IF he looks like Tom Hardy 😍

Ferrisday · 27/04/2017 18:21

No Kaitlin she told him to stay away from it

Iwanttobeanonymous · 27/04/2017 18:22

I think you overreacted. Yes he was either rude or making a clumsy attempt to engage in conversation, but I don't think he deserved the fuss you were obviously making. If someone else thought that you were harassing him then I think you went way over the top.