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Original poster

FUMING about this man's comments on my lunch at the supermarket!

650 replies

LunchRant · 27/04/2017 14:00

Working from home today. Extremely stressed as I'm really behind on deadlines for things. Decided to pop out for some fresh air and lunch. Went to the big Tesco near me and was browsing the lunch aisle (meal deal sandwiches etc) when a guy just walks by and tuts. Then he says "That's fattening. Definitely fattening."

I have definitely went up a size recently due to not having time to do my usual exercise routine, crappy sleep, and snacking for energy while i'm up at midnight typing/working. But the madness will end by the end of May and I can focus on losing weight again. Not my priority right now.

So i immediately got angry. Told him that he'd best stay away from it then (It was a hummus, falafel wrap btw). He giggled. Still didn't budge. He said something like he's been losing the same battle with his stomach for years. But his wife is still as thin as the day they got married. Then advised me to "stay away from all that. Fresh air is all that you need."

I asked if that's all his wife ate, fresh air. And i asked him to come over and tell me what i should be eating then. I was quite arsey. "Come on. since you've got such an opinion on what i should eat. Come and choose for me."

Another woman who had recently appeared in the aisle said i should calm down. Clearly the man was just trying to make conversation. I told her he should have said hello then and commented on the rain like a normal person. Not comment on my calorie intake.

Then the man starts acting like a victim. "now, now, that's not what i meant. Just being friendly." Tesco employee emerges, just walking by, and the woman informs him that I'm harassing an elderly gentleman.

The employee looked a bit awkward. Asked if everything was okay. I just grumbled 'fuck this'. Put down the bottle of water i was holding, swapped it for a full fat bottle of irn bru and also got a packet of crisps. Childishly said a big 'Yum'. Then told the man "you should be ashamed of yourself." then went and paid.

15 minute walk home and I'm still reeling!

Yes i over reacted. Yes i am half a stone overweight in terms of BMI. Yes i'm still stuffing myself into size 12 clothes when i'm now a 14. And yes, i'm touchy about it.

But i am so pissed off that someone feels it's their right to comment on what someone else eats (especially when he was clearly overweight himself!)

And i'm also pissed off that the woman just passed it off as 'friendly chatter'.

I now don't think i can go back there for a few weeks as I'm so embarrassed. Can't even stomach eating this lunch now as i'm actually feeling guilty about eating something so 'fattening'. Arsehole.

Also can't find the motivation to continue with this work. An hour til DD finishes school. Was hoping i'd make some progress today. Nope!

OP posts:
PlinkyTheFairyWitch · 28/04/2017 20:37

For those women who, like the OP are excessively concerned about a minor amount of "overweight", maybe responding less aggressively to comments of this kind will help them to become more self-accepting and less self-loathing.

Best laugh I've had all day, thanks for that!

Gabilan · 28/04/2017 20:41

Gabilan - you weren't there but you know what he was thinking, wow

Well I could say the same for all those people who've constructed back stories about him being a lonely old man who just wanted a bit of a chat.

How often do you think men are approached in this way? And do you think that's because women are perceived as kinder? Or because it's seen as acceptable to intrude on them in public and they're socialised into accepting it too? This www.robot-hugs.com/harassment/ is one of my favourite explanations of the differences in the way men and women are treated in public.

Holisticlady · 28/04/2017 20:41

Sounds as though you need to lighten up a little! No-one can say anything these days that's not offensive or upsetting! Maybe it's a good thing that today's society just gaze into their phones all day long waiting for a like on facebook - as it appears some of us have clearly lost the ability to communicate or have a sense of humour!

Craiconwithit · 28/04/2017 20:42

YABU and ridiculously over sensitive.
People spout all sorts of shite to complete strangers here and it's all taken in good humour.
Thank god I no longer live in Brexitland. Wink

Roseandbee · 28/04/2017 20:47

when people say "respect your elders" it doesn't mean look up to them and give them a medal, just be a little understanding and respect the fact that they are from a different generation and have their own troubles to deal with and may not understand that speaking to a woman these days, over something as trivial as a sandwich is a sexist minefield.

MerchantofVenice · 28/04/2017 20:49

Happy your last point is insane - are you suggesting women ought to be kinder? That's what it sounds like. Which in turn means 'ready to tolerate crap in a way men aren't'.

I won't apologise for the word victim. It's a factual term. It doesn't have to mean victim of rape, or of violence. In this case, OP was the victim of comments about her food choices. It's a word. It can be used as I used it. Look it up if you're struggling.

I can't really take much more of this bullshit. Just a few thoughts and then I'll leave all you apologists to congratulate yourselves about how tolerant and laid back you are.

The poster who pointed out that the man 'pointed out you're plump; get over it'. Oh my god. What planet are on? That's NOT OK.

Men are not stupid. If we remind them, they are capable of learning that we don't want insensitive comments about our bodies.

Old people are not stupid either. See above.

Some people won't mind these comments. They have an unshakeable sense of self. Well done them.

If we continue to expect bullshit from men, they will obligingly deliver. And they'll be comforted by all the apologists on here. So what you're basically saying to women with an iota of self-doubt is 'If you can't handle personal comments, SCREW YOU.'

Nice one ladies!

HappyFlappy · 28/04/2017 20:49

You're welcome Witch

Cantusethatname · 28/04/2017 20:52

Oh who knows? Maybe he was a sweet confused lonely old guy, maybe he was a misogynist creep who just wanted to humiliate you. None of the 400+ posters was there to see.
The only definite is that you didn't behave graciously or with any class or dignity. Another person had to intervene and you are now too embarrassed to go back.....

bigmummydragon · 28/04/2017 20:52

MerchantofVenice he made a comment on a falafel wrap

bunnylove99 · 28/04/2017 20:54

Am I the only one wondering whether an old man would even know what a humous and falafel wrap was, let alone whether it was fattening? I think he was just being friendly and trying to joke. With the wrong woman on the wrong day...

mrmanc · 28/04/2017 20:55

For the record - men do comment on other men's appearance and food choices and it's a lot less tactful than some old codger putting his foot in his mouth. Hmm

Daydream007 · 28/04/2017 21:03

I'd be upset too with comments like that! Hopefully he'll think twice about commenting on someone's diet next time he's out.

MichaelSheensNextDW · 28/04/2017 21:13

OP, with the kindest, you're being batshit.

HappyFlappy · 28/04/2017 21:17

are you suggesting women ought to be kinder?

We all ought to be kinder.

And I think you are confusing "equality" with "same' Merchant.

Women are not the "same" as men, but they are of equal value.

Black people are not the "same" as white people, but they are of equal value.

There is no shame in being kind and tolerant. There is no shame in speaking out when you feel that someone has been rude or inappropriate. There is every shame in publicly abusing someone who was most likely just wanting to pass a friendly remark.

I'm not surprised OP doesn't want to go back to the supermarket.

gillybeanz · 28/04/2017 21:23

I too think he was just trying to be pleasant to the wrong person on the wrong day.
I'd have had a conversation with him, but chose a lifestyle that doesn't stress me out, so i have time to stop and chat.
He'll think twice before commenting to another woman again.

LordEmsworth · 28/04/2017 21:35

When men suggest that they know better than I do what I should or am allowed to eat, it really fucks me off. Telling me I am not allowed to eat at all would probably lead to violence.

OP I am entirely on your side. Well done

Mandelinka · 28/04/2017 21:37

This

Was he possibly chatting to himself?
He most likely wasn't expecting anybody's response.

Mandelinka · 28/04/2017 21:41

This

I hate conflict and upsetting people, it wasn't clear if he was commenting on your food choices or just talking to himself.
I would have smiled politely and just thought wtf to myself.

user1492458912 · 28/04/2017 21:42

Totally not on for him to comment but i don't think it was necessary to totally lose your shit. I'd have been pissed off and like to think i would have just asked him why it was anything to do with him at all.

Mermaidinthesea123 · 28/04/2017 21:45

He is obviously a moron with a rhino hide. Some people are just hopeless at communicating.

Strygil · 28/04/2017 22:03

Extremely stressed as I'm really behind on deadlines for things.

And yet you can make time to post this ridiculous nonsense.

Get over yourself, grow up and acquire a sense of proportion, for Christ's sake.

Bluntness100 · 28/04/2017 22:09

Am i living in a completely different planet to think people should treat others with more respect? Here's a comment from my gran that might go well down here since you all seem to love elderly folk and they can do no wrong - If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing

Oh the irony and total and utter lack of self awareness. What's this, the old "do as I say not as I do" ethos,,,

NotTheDuchessOfCambridge · 28/04/2017 22:12

What did he say that was has lead people so say that he was abusive or rude? I honestly can't see the part where he called OP a fatty or told her she shouldn't eat. OP has already said it was her that over reacted...in other words, her response was disproportionate to what he said and he barely said anything!

mrbreezeet1 · 28/04/2017 22:13

You need to chill,
You should have just told him, Yeah well what ever, I'm in a hurry.
He didn't make you mad, you made yourself mad.

Voice0fReason · 28/04/2017 22:15

MerchantofVenice I would recommend a level of response that doesn't make the respondee feel embarrassed and worse about herself.
Her extreme reaction was counter-productive for herself, and probably had no impact on him. She made herself feel worse about herself.

Respect is something to be earned, not automatically given
Do you think you earned any respect from your behaviour?

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