FUMING about this man's comments on my lunch at the supermarket!

[LunchRant]

Working from home today. Extremely stressed as I'm really behind on deadlines for things. Decided to pop out for some fresh air and lunch. Went to the big Tesco near me and was browsing the lunch aisle (meal deal sandwiches etc) when a guy just walks by and tuts. Then he says "That's fattening. Definitely fattening."

I have definitely went up a size recently due to not having time to do my usual exercise routine, crappy sleep, and snacking for energy while i'm up at midnight typing/working. But the madness will end by the end of May and I can focus on losing weight again. Not my priority right now.

So i immediately got angry. Told him that he'd best stay away from it then (It was a hummus, falafel wrap btw). He giggled. Still didn't budge. He said something like he's been losing the same battle with his stomach for years. But his wife is still as thin as the day they got married. Then advised me to "stay away from all that. Fresh air is all that you need."

I asked if that's all his wife ate, fresh air. And i asked him to come over and tell me what i should be eating then. I was quite arsey. "Come on. since you've got such an opinion on what i should eat. Come and choose for me."

Another woman who had recently appeared in the aisle said i should calm down. Clearly the man was just trying to make conversation. I told her he should have said hello then and commented on the rain like a normal person. Not comment on my calorie intake.

Then the man starts acting like a victim. "now, now, that's not what i meant. Just being friendly." Tesco employee emerges, just walking by, and the woman informs him that I'm harassing an elderly gentleman.

The employee looked a bit awkward. Asked if everything was okay. I just grumbled 'fuck this'. Put down the bottle of water i was holding, swapped it for a full fat bottle of irn bru and also got a packet of crisps. Childishly said a big 'Yum'. Then told the man "you should be ashamed of yourself." then went and paid.

15 minute walk home and I'm still reeling!

Yes i over reacted. Yes i am half a stone overweight in terms of BMI. Yes i'm still stuffing myself into size 12 clothes when i'm now a 14. And yes, i'm touchy about it.

But i am so pissed off that someone feels it's their right to comment on what someone else eats (especially when he was clearly overweight himself!)

And i'm also pissed off that the woman just passed it off as 'friendly chatter'.

I now don't think i can go back there for a few weeks as I'm so embarrassed. Can't even stomach eating this lunch now as i'm actually feeling guilty about eating something so 'fattening'. Arsehole.

Also can't find the motivation to continue with this work. An hour til DD finishes school. Was hoping i'd make some progress today. Nope!

The fact someone else intervened and got staff to help stop you not him says it all

I think you were childish. I would of just said so what and walked off.

I have a tendency in these situations to shrug, with a 'what can ya do?' look and then say I'll walk off the calories. I don't think it's polite to comment on what people eat but then I really can't be arsed engaging in an argument.

Lol sexually harassing comments???
At worst he called her fat.
How is that sexual?

A simple Mind your own fucking business works on these " polite " types lol ! The cheek the passive aggressive old codger !!! Well my friend had a similar experience and she said oh well sure its fine u will be long dead before I will lol xx

OMG, this was totally sexist and totally shitty and I applaud you and your reaction OP!

It's happened to me too, when choosing a gift box of chocolates. Some total arsewipe came up to me out of the blue and told me they were fattening. I told him he was rude and he seemed genuinely surprised.

A. I'm perfectly capable of working out which foods are and are not fattening, thank you.
B. It's none of your fucking business.
C. I bet you've never, ever, ever even considered saying that to a man you don't know.
D. Fuck right off.

Basically, any comment a strange man makes to you along these lines is calling you fat and stupid because you're a fat, stupid woman and he's a brilliant, untouchable, sensible man who knows better than you. Telling him to fuck off is the least you should have done.

I think it's outrageously rude.

I told him he was rude and he seemed genuinely surprised.

And that's what the OP should have done if she found the comment offensive (Which she obviously did - I wouldn't have done)

A simple "Do you know how rude you are?" would have sufficed.

Plinky you are spot on.

#everydaysexisum
It must be very hard for these special snowflake generation who just love to moan about how hard they have had it. All these reports on how in fact they are the generation who had the best, had it all and are still taking it to the detriment of all others. It must make it even harder to insist that because they are older they should automatically get respect and privileges for simply being there.

A simple "Do you know how rude you are?" would have sufficed.

When you've just been insulted, the calm, plain, simple response is often out of reach for some of us.

OTOH, if more of us told men like this to piss off more, maybe they wouldn't do it so often.

I think YABU But I can understand why you got upset. He was probably just being sarcastic and probably found himself amusing with it. I would of just laughed it off or said something sarcastic back to him to show him you don't care. I work in a shop and there's a very sarcastic man who comes in daily n he always say things to me like "Late night last night you look rough" lol I just laugh n say something sarcastic back. You have to learn to just laugh at yourself sometimes n not worry about what others think. Everyone's humour is very different and what's funny to one another person may not find amusing.
PS Don't worry about going back to tesco, shop assistants serve n see that many customers on a daily basis they 100% won't remember who u are! They were probably just happy they wernt the ones getting abuse off the general public for once!

I probably wouldn't have reacted as OP did - I've have shrugged it off, laughed, basically humoured him and pampered his fucking ego. No, I don't think I would feel good after that. I'd feel weak and pathetic. Might as well have a go at defending yourself like OP did. Then, if you feel bad, at least you tried to tackle the situation.

FYI given the toxic messages women (and men, but to a much lesser extent) are given about their bodies ALL THE TIME, women are allowed to be touchy about their weight; that's the (rather shitty) pay-off. I know many women who have been in such difficult relationships with food and weight that they'd have been borderline suicidal if someone commented on their weight, even if in reality they were not fat at all.

Women are allowed to have feelings. Random men in public might even give these a passing thought before they launch into a patronising lecture.

Safest not to, you know, start telling people not to eat fattening foods and start harping on about your thin wife.

This stuff is OBVIOUS. Why are people not getting it? Is it because the victim muddied the waters by getting angry instead of just swallowing the criticism and simpering, I wonder.

Let it go.... not worth the worry. Love & be yourself... you have more important matters to hand like your deadline & your life. Xx

I agree with CheeseQueen. Some of the reponses on here to the mildest of perceived hurts are incredibly aggressive.

I work in a shop and there's a very sarcastic man who comes in daily n he always say things to me like "Late night last night you look rough" lol I just laugh n say something sarcastic back.

He's not being sarcastic and if you reported that to me as your manager, he would be banned from coming into the shop - doubt the loss of a Daily Mail and a pint of milk would amount to much.

If I was a regular customer to your shop and heard that, I would complain to the manager and ask that he be banned and that I do not have to put up with witnessing such behaviour in what is essentially someone's place of work.

Is it because the victim muddied the waters by getting angry instead of just swallowing the criticism and simpering, I wonder

The "victim" didn't get angry - she got unreasonably aggressive. It is possible to be very, very angry - bloody furious, in fact - and yet not over-react the way she did.

Yawn, I am so over these posts. He was making conversation, probably expected you to say, "yes, they are bad for you aren't they" and make polite conversation back. Not get offended in 0-10 seconds! Take a step back ffs! Your knickers are so far in a twist you get aggressive at the drop of a hat! You must be a fun person to have at a party! Pathetic reaction, pathetic post.

Because the man was elderly, Awaywiththepixies, and therefore must be confused about modern social mores and on the brink of alzeihmers and must be lonely (despite his thin wife).

Fgs my dad is in his seventies and still mentally sharp and wouldn't dream of making a cheeky remark like that.

I'm with NotTheDuchess. It was a throw away comment.
A LOT of elderly are lonely, socially isolated. Idle random chitchat is a significant % of their social interaction for the day. We are a social species.
OP said in the beginning she was feeling highly stressed. She over-reacted enormously.

I think you are being overly touchy because you are feeling a bit overweight. I always browse all the sandwiches reading the calories etc as do many people I should imagine his comment was along that line nothing to do with your weight especially if he was elderly and just trying to be friendly. You've probably ruined his week by snapping his head off. He probably would have the exact same comment if you were a size 6.

He probably would have the exact same comment if you were a size 6.

But not if she was a bloke.

I think he was just trying to make conversation or a little joke, but not cos he thought you were fat.
Some people think they are being friendly and funny but don't realise that some people actually take these things really personally. If it's a friend doing it then tell them it upsets you in a calm and reasonable way, if it's a random stranger just shrug it off and remain polite.
Especially if it's an elderly gentleman, it's a different generation and you should show them a little respect, he was probably seriously shocked over your reaction and the way you reacted would be considered harassment by an on looker. You shouldn't take your own insecurities out on other people

Happy She was the "victim" however much you dislike the term. He said something that could easily be upsetting. He shouldn't venture into that sort of conversation if he's so sensitive.

Did you read what I said about women who are virtually suicidal about their weight? Have you seriously never come across that? Is it still ok to throw out these comments?

Also, you're not really making sense. If, as per your example, you were really, really furious, an angry response wouldn't be an over reaction, would it? It would simply be a reaction. I reckon some people are upset that OP had the audacity to react at all.

You make barbed comments, you suck up the reaction, whether you deem it an 'over' reaction or not. Not your place to measure someone else's feelings and approve their response.

Dear god, I don't think I can stand seeing one more poster saying "you should have been polite". Why on earth should women have to carry on being polite in the face of these comments?? A quick shock might jolt some of these men out of their complacent bubble.