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Original poster

FUMING about this man's comments on my lunch at the supermarket!

650 replies

LunchRant · 27/04/2017 14:00

Working from home today. Extremely stressed as I'm really behind on deadlines for things. Decided to pop out for some fresh air and lunch. Went to the big Tesco near me and was browsing the lunch aisle (meal deal sandwiches etc) when a guy just walks by and tuts. Then he says "That's fattening. Definitely fattening."

I have definitely went up a size recently due to not having time to do my usual exercise routine, crappy sleep, and snacking for energy while i'm up at midnight typing/working. But the madness will end by the end of May and I can focus on losing weight again. Not my priority right now.

So i immediately got angry. Told him that he'd best stay away from it then (It was a hummus, falafel wrap btw). He giggled. Still didn't budge. He said something like he's been losing the same battle with his stomach for years. But his wife is still as thin as the day they got married. Then advised me to "stay away from all that. Fresh air is all that you need."

I asked if that's all his wife ate, fresh air. And i asked him to come over and tell me what i should be eating then. I was quite arsey. "Come on. since you've got such an opinion on what i should eat. Come and choose for me."

Another woman who had recently appeared in the aisle said i should calm down. Clearly the man was just trying to make conversation. I told her he should have said hello then and commented on the rain like a normal person. Not comment on my calorie intake.

Then the man starts acting like a victim. "now, now, that's not what i meant. Just being friendly." Tesco employee emerges, just walking by, and the woman informs him that I'm harassing an elderly gentleman.

The employee looked a bit awkward. Asked if everything was okay. I just grumbled 'fuck this'. Put down the bottle of water i was holding, swapped it for a full fat bottle of irn bru and also got a packet of crisps. Childishly said a big 'Yum'. Then told the man "you should be ashamed of yourself." then went and paid.

15 minute walk home and I'm still reeling!

Yes i over reacted. Yes i am half a stone overweight in terms of BMI. Yes i'm still stuffing myself into size 12 clothes when i'm now a 14. And yes, i'm touchy about it.

But i am so pissed off that someone feels it's their right to comment on what someone else eats (especially when he was clearly overweight himself!)

And i'm also pissed off that the woman just passed it off as 'friendly chatter'.

I now don't think i can go back there for a few weeks as I'm so embarrassed. Can't even stomach eating this lunch now as i'm actually feeling guilty about eating something so 'fattening'. Arsehole.

Also can't find the motivation to continue with this work. An hour til DD finishes school. Was hoping i'd make some progress today. Nope!

OP posts:
NK2fce16b6X11b507a801f · 28/04/2017 18:08

Poor guy. Lighten up..

NotCarylChurchill · 28/04/2017 18:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Voice0fReason · 28/04/2017 18:08

Basically all we women have to just suck it up, smile placatingly, and take those everyday sexism ego dings, putdowns and judgements
There are a lot of options between your suggestion and the absurd over-reaction of the OP.
She made the situation worse for herself and did nothing to change his understanding.
She embarrassed HERSELF, not him. He thought she was mad. It completely backfired.

riceuten · 28/04/2017 18:10

I wouldn't've been aa polite as you. I bet he was a Brexiteer and UKIP voter as well.

NameChanger22 · 28/04/2017 18:13

I've had a few comments like this over the years after running into horrible sexist men. Because of shyness I usually say nothing or laugh it off, then go away and feel much shitter about myself for not saying something.

From now on I'm going to check first that they don't have a learning disability, then I'm going to give them shit. Why should women have to put up with this kind of crap?

Being older is not an excuse, older people should have learnt how to behave in all their years.

You did the right thing OP.

jdoe8 · 28/04/2017 18:13

Ha i don't believe this for a second. 2/10 too obvious.

Icapturethecast1e · 28/04/2017 18:20

Actually, I always get random people speaking to me at supermarkets and 9/10 it'll be the elderly. If they say something j don't agree with I mostly smile and try to steer the conversation another way. If I object to something they say I always try to be polite about it. Sorry OP but I think you need to take control of your feelings so you feel empowered instead of overwhelmed and all the negative things attached to that feeling.

Nupro · 28/04/2017 18:21

I think you should have just child out worse things can happen in life than an old man who you don't know commenting on your lunch. I think you must of really upset him..... Now if it was your other half that would be different but an old man come on..... Lol

TwoDogs9 · 28/04/2017 18:22

He was rude but probably didn't mean it as you took it. Just a daft old man opening his gob without thinking. The woman shouldn't have got involved though.

MerchantofVenice · 28/04/2017 18:24

bluntness and voiceofreason You're both continually arguing that the OP's reaction was too extreme. But you're agreeing that the man was rude? That's at least something. All we need now is for you guys to draw up a handy guide explaining precisely how angry a woman is allowed to get for each level of rude comment directed at her. Then she'll know she's calibrating her response in a pre-approved way. She'll need to remember that she must limit her response, regardless of whether it's the first or twentieth time some twat has commented on her weight that day; all judgemental twats must receive fair treatment.

mousymary I think the difference is that the commenter in your case made a mistake - he thought you were someone else. It's surely different?

It's a bit depressing that we've had a new wave of fat-police-apologists on. Did some of you miss that he suggested all OP needed was some 'fresh air' (instead of food!!).

Lovingit81 · 28/04/2017 18:27

Twat and I would have told him so. Flowers for u x

Lisa46 · 28/04/2017 18:27

Picture this - an old man from a different generation who saw an opening for a friendly bit of banter, maybe he thought a beautiful young lass like you (not needing to lose weight) could take it.) Times have changed - maybe he meant no harm & he just wanted to escape his life (caring for wife/child who knows) for a bit and thought you would enjoy it too. Please don't forget there was a time when food wasn't easy to come by and people wouldn't have dreamt this would be a problem.

WhatsGoingOnEh · 28/04/2017 18:29

Going out for lunch (when you hadn't done your work), getting into a row, getting stressed (too stressed to do your work), then starting a MN thread in the last hour you had to do any work today...

Classic procrastination.

gemma19846 · 28/04/2017 18:30

I think he was saying stay away from all that healthy stuff and worrying about the fat intake as fresh air is all you need 😕

turnturtle · 28/04/2017 18:30

Ever heard of banter? Oh, I forgot. It has been replaced by political correctness. Three people who were actually present seemed to think you were overreacting . Maybe they had a point?

Gabilan · 28/04/2017 18:31

if its an old man, have some respect

Why? Sure, when I was a child there was a sort of agreement of "respect your elders and betters" coupled with a genuine likelihood that someone older had fought in a world war. These days that's highly unlikely and IMO you should respect people, or not, based on what they're like, not on their age.

Some truly horrendous and revolting people have made it to old age. I'm not going to respect them on age alone.

mousymary · 28/04/2017 18:32

But the OP is not fat!!!

If the OP weighed 20 stone then a comment would have been rude, but when someone is clearly not large then making a calorie-type "joke", albeit not a very funny one, surely wasn't meant in a harmful way.

And the fact that a passer-by had to hail a member of staff to say that the OP was harassing an elderly gentleman says it all really. The OP went off on one ^because she perceived a slight." I know there's all this stuff now that if you feel you're being bullied you are being bullied, but really. A comment by an old man. And the OP starts ranting and raving. Embarrassing.

marciagetscreamed · 28/04/2017 18:34

I used to dread going shopping with my mum as she used to 'whisper' loudly about the contents of other people's shopping trolleys at the checkout..

"Look at all that junk food! No wonder they are so pale and unhealthy looking!" Etc

I could have died.

I have no idea how eating findus crispy pancakes makes you pale skinned, but I am astounded she's made it this far without getting punched.

HappyFlappy · 28/04/2017 18:34

wildly inappropriate sexually harassing comments

What?!

I really can't see how that is "harrassing"

MerchantofVenice · 28/04/2017 18:35

'Banter' FFS.

HappyFlappy · 28/04/2017 18:35

"I am in a feeder relationship and for sexual purposes our fetish is that I need to gain weight to over 20 stone. It's very sexy. You should try it sometime"

Superb responseJanet

user1489675144 · 28/04/2017 18:42

Wow - so much anger- I found it shocking. It would appear you are touchy about your weight, man makes thoughtless comment, maybe as the other lady thought trying to chat to you and BOOM. Life is too short to get worked up so easy. All sounds a bit aggressive and if a passer by thinks you were being aggressive then maybe you were. Put it down to experience and try to not get so worked up and angry next time.

foxyariel · 28/04/2017 18:42

I do this all the time- get very arsey with complete strangers sometimes when I'm stressed. The other week I told some OAP whose car was half blocking the path into a multi-storey that he should move it. He kept repeating "We've had a bit of a prang" and I ignored that just because I had to swerve down a bit and manoeuvre past his car. I felt really ashamed and petty minded afterwards but there you go. It's done: learn from it and move on. Be kind to yourself- he should know NOT to comment on a woman's weight if he doesn't want to get a mouthful in return! The fact that you now are worrying about it shows what a nice person you really are underneath.

HappyFlappy · 28/04/2017 18:43

arse-licking Handmaidens who think the all important magical penis makes a person immune to any and all criticism, and any woman who fancies even the tiniest bit of basic respect as a human being is a PC-thug [ableist term] speshul snowflake Feminazi.

Don't talk soft!

user1489675144 · 28/04/2017 18:43

PS I agree with turnturtle - if 3 people present think you were over reacting they maybe you were.