FUMING about this man's comments on my lunch at the supermarket!

[LunchRant]

Working from home today. Extremely stressed as I'm really behind on deadlines for things. Decided to pop out for some fresh air and lunch. Went to the big Tesco near me and was browsing the lunch aisle (meal deal sandwiches etc) when a guy just walks by and tuts. Then he says "That's fattening. Definitely fattening."

I have definitely went up a size recently due to not having time to do my usual exercise routine, crappy sleep, and snacking for energy while i'm up at midnight typing/working. But the madness will end by the end of May and I can focus on losing weight again. Not my priority right now.

So i immediately got angry. Told him that he'd best stay away from it then (It was a hummus, falafel wrap btw). He giggled. Still didn't budge. He said something like he's been losing the same battle with his stomach for years. But his wife is still as thin as the day they got married. Then advised me to "stay away from all that. Fresh air is all that you need."

I asked if that's all his wife ate, fresh air. And i asked him to come over and tell me what i should be eating then. I was quite arsey. "Come on. since you've got such an opinion on what i should eat. Come and choose for me."

Another woman who had recently appeared in the aisle said i should calm down. Clearly the man was just trying to make conversation. I told her he should have said hello then and commented on the rain like a normal person. Not comment on my calorie intake.

Then the man starts acting like a victim. "now, now, that's not what i meant. Just being friendly." Tesco employee emerges, just walking by, and the woman informs him that I'm harassing an elderly gentleman.

The employee looked a bit awkward. Asked if everything was okay. I just grumbled 'fuck this'. Put down the bottle of water i was holding, swapped it for a full fat bottle of irn bru and also got a packet of crisps. Childishly said a big 'Yum'. Then told the man "you should be ashamed of yourself." then went and paid.

15 minute walk home and I'm still reeling!

Yes i over reacted. Yes i am half a stone overweight in terms of BMI. Yes i'm still stuffing myself into size 12 clothes when i'm now a 14. And yes, i'm touchy about it.

But i am so pissed off that someone feels it's their right to comment on what someone else eats (especially when he was clearly overweight himself!)

And i'm also pissed off that the woman just passed it off as 'friendly chatter'.

I now don't think i can go back there for a few weeks as I'm so embarrassed. Can't even stomach eating this lunch now as i'm actually feeling guilty about eating something so 'fattening'. Arsehole.

Also can't find the motivation to continue with this work. An hour til DD finishes school. Was hoping i'd make some progress today. Nope!

Your main point seems to be that OP came off feeling worse... Well, yeah. You generally do feel bad if someone insults you...
He was rude, but the OP's response cut off her nose to spite her face. It had limited effect on him. It's not about excusing him it's about having some degree of control over your own responses so you don't come away feeling even worse. Her over-reaction made it worse for her, not him. What is the point of that?

Perhaps it is because I tend to talk to the older generation who have had enough in their lives to put pettiness into perspective and have a good laugh

This, its "petty" exactly. It'd hardly the crime of the century what he said but shouting your mouth off about a petty and minor indiscretion is just ridiculous.

It's not about excusing him it's about having some degree of control over your own responses

And this. To meet like with like. He was rude in her opinion. Fine, be rude back don't start bawling and shouting to the extent passers by have to intervene to try to put a stop to your appalling behaviour.

The fact he was "rude" first in no way excuses the ops over the top behaviour. It's really not a case of if someone is slightly rude to you you are justified in going nuts , shouting the odds and acting totally deranged.

The way she'd responded you'd think he'd walked up to her and started shouting in her face she was a fat bitch and then repeatedly screamed in her face till people passing had to intervene and ask him to calm down, a bit like they had to do with her.

Basically all we women have to just suck it up, smile placatingly, and take those everyday sexism ego dings, putdowns and judgements because....I'm not sure why. Because us being disrespected as people is easier than not, I suppose. We must carefully police our reactions and feelings in order to ensure that we can weather the un-policed comments from men.

Count yourself lucky he didnt follow it up with "Now give me a smile, it might never happen".

I started a thread the other day bemoaning the fact that a woman had mistaken me for someone who would have likely been 15-20 years older than I actually am. I said I was "devastated" - perhaps a bit of an exaggeration but I was quite taken aback.

Now, quite a few posters got a bit arsey and accused me of being vain and anti-feminist and I had "The Beauty Myth" thrown at me. Apparently I should be quite ok with whatever age I look. Hmmph.

Anyway, on here the majority seem to think the man was some misogynistic creep for making what I see to be a much less judgemental comment about the OP's appearance. What's the difference?

You didn't over react. I'd have done the same, only I'd have said 'careful, I'll squash you!!' lol. Dementedpixie also makes a good point!!

Yabu ffs. i picked up a pack of chocolate biscuits in Lidl once and a man said to me "they'll make you fat". My answer was so what, I'm already fat (I am fat, it's immediately obvious). It was a bit cheeky of him but I didn't have a massive strop about it. Lighten up.

This was just a clumsy pick up line. He obviously fancied you, can you not see that?

I can't imagine he was the least bit interested in your size - why should he care. Just an older person making a comment in the supermarket. There is so much loneliness amongst older people and so they try and make conversation which can be less than PC. Does it matter? Bet he went home gutted, resolving never to speak to anyone in a supermarket again. Shame on you.

Whoa... yes, you over reacted.... times a million. Yes, the mans comment was possibly crass, but it sounds to me like a bloke slightly lacking in social skills just trying to be 'matey'.... we've all met 'em, the 'whats the weather like up there' to tall people, the 'my other cars a Bentley' on his mobility scooter... you know the type, harmless. You behaved horribly, to be honest, and yes, I wouldn't go in there again either, if I were you. Come down off your high horse, with your 'working from home and meeting deadlines' lifestyle, and take yourself a tad less seriously.

I Just think you need a break
Have a kitkat

Massive over reaction if its an old man, have some respect.

Jeez, well I am firmly in the 'old boy was a bit thoughtless and was probably making what he thought was just a friendly bit of chit chat' camp!!! I think the OP's response was way over the top personally, but I suppose I can understand if it's a sensitive issue. It's annoying that people assume only women are concerned about their weight. Plenty of women are very comfortable with their weight (I'm not one of them though!) and plenty of men are weight conscious. Although what's the big deal?! He's old, he's unlikely to be aware that certain topics are probably best avoided. the OP made a scene, ended up with a lunch she didn't want and now feels too awkward to shop there for a while. Surely just ignoring him would have been better. Or saying that she wasn't bothered if it was fattening. What a fuss!!!!

Firstly I'll start with I have reacted similarly in a different situation.... but from an objective point of view he was just making conversation. I find the more mature people do make personal comments and maybe they shouldn't but I don't think he meant anything by it.... but as for that woman saying you were harrassung him you weren't! He started the convo

He probably didnt mean anything by it towards you. He most likely saw you looking for a while and assumed you were having a hard time choosing. Sometimes we are not in the right frame of mind and a complete stranger wouldnt know this and then its easy to take a comment out of context.

Best to just forget about it as what is done cannot be changed. If it happens again just laugh and walk off.

I think you need to get a sense of humour!

Some people, just feel like they have a right to comment on your business, yes some people do it to make conversation - what's the need - often men for some reason - I'm sure you tried the look of contempt I often give! You have a right to be fuming, none of his business!

Sorry but being old doesnt mean you are allowed to be rude.
Being autistic doesn't necessarily means you are rude.
Commenting on meta pople are eating, and on their weight (albeit indirectly) is rude. Imagine if vegan people went on making comments in supermarket on how MIL is for calves and not human, that we depriving them form their mother's milk or about are you happy to kill a baby to eat lamb??
Same sort of comment, same rudeness.

And YY about #evrydaysexism

Commenting that the food someone is holding looks tasty is making polite conversation. Commenting on the calorie content of that food is NOT. If the man did not mean to put OP down he would not have mentioned how thin his wife is. WTF that had to do with their conversation is beyond me.

Shocks me how many people here are defending him. He was a rude dickweed.

Very sorry you had to deal with that, OP.

A friend of mine hurt his finger while in Italy, and tried to form an Italian phrase based on a French verb (casser). He ended up telling the nurse that he thought his finger was an ice cream (cassata).

Wow. Read page 1, (not on app at the time, followed the link in daily email), came away thinking - why hasn't anybody spotted the 'elderly gentleman' bit. Skipped to last page and relieved it's not just me thinking that and all women aren't nutters crucifying the OAP's male entitlement and everyday sexism

Glad to see I'm not wrong, not every woman is a overly sensitive social justice warrior and can see it's an old man making a faux pas because he's old and they had life in a better perspective, what with world wars and family members dying and rationing and air raids and stuff.

Anyways, fwiw OP, I think he hit a raw nerve and you bit his head off. And if you're half a stone over your BmI there is no way you'd be a size 14.

u should've told him to just fuck off

I haven't read all 16 pages because its 16 pages about a sodding hummus and falaffel wrap. I think you behaved horribly. Even if you didn't like what he said you "stooped to his level" with your reaction, in fact I think you behaved much, much worse. Two wrongs don't make a right. Grow up and a get a hobby that isn't taking mortal offence at everything and anything.

Oops - wrong thread.

Wrong thread GrandDesespoir?

Sodding cross-post! My PC's so slow.