FUMING about this man's comments on my lunch at the supermarket!

[LunchRant]

Working from home today. Extremely stressed as I'm really behind on deadlines for things. Decided to pop out for some fresh air and lunch. Went to the big Tesco near me and was browsing the lunch aisle (meal deal sandwiches etc) when a guy just walks by and tuts. Then he says "That's fattening. Definitely fattening."

I have definitely went up a size recently due to not having time to do my usual exercise routine, crappy sleep, and snacking for energy while i'm up at midnight typing/working. But the madness will end by the end of May and I can focus on losing weight again. Not my priority right now.

So i immediately got angry. Told him that he'd best stay away from it then (It was a hummus, falafel wrap btw). He giggled. Still didn't budge. He said something like he's been losing the same battle with his stomach for years. But his wife is still as thin as the day they got married. Then advised me to "stay away from all that. Fresh air is all that you need."

I asked if that's all his wife ate, fresh air. And i asked him to come over and tell me what i should be eating then. I was quite arsey. "Come on. since you've got such an opinion on what i should eat. Come and choose for me."

Another woman who had recently appeared in the aisle said i should calm down. Clearly the man was just trying to make conversation. I told her he should have said hello then and commented on the rain like a normal person. Not comment on my calorie intake.

Then the man starts acting like a victim. "now, now, that's not what i meant. Just being friendly." Tesco employee emerges, just walking by, and the woman informs him that I'm harassing an elderly gentleman.

The employee looked a bit awkward. Asked if everything was okay. I just grumbled 'fuck this'. Put down the bottle of water i was holding, swapped it for a full fat bottle of irn bru and also got a packet of crisps. Childishly said a big 'Yum'. Then told the man "you should be ashamed of yourself." then went and paid.

15 minute walk home and I'm still reeling!

Yes i over reacted. Yes i am half a stone overweight in terms of BMI. Yes i'm still stuffing myself into size 12 clothes when i'm now a 14. And yes, i'm touchy about it.

But i am so pissed off that someone feels it's their right to comment on what someone else eats (especially when he was clearly overweight himself!)

And i'm also pissed off that the woman just passed it off as 'friendly chatter'.

I now don't think i can go back there for a few weeks as I'm so embarrassed. Can't even stomach eating this lunch now as i'm actually feeling guilty about eating something so 'fattening'. Arsehole.

Also can't find the motivation to continue with this work. An hour til DD finishes school. Was hoping i'd make some progress today. Nope!

'd have eaten him if he'd commented in what I was eating

Sure you would sweetie. 😂😂😂

While I take your point MerchantofVenice, I personally don't see it as either rude, insensitive or sexist.
Surely it is only rude if intended as such. In this case, I very much get the impression it wasn't.
Insensitive? Well, again, I wouldn't see it as such because I wouldn't have taken it as a personal insult to me, although it does appear that the OP has.
And why is it sexist? Might he not have said the same to a man? I don't see why not.

But short of arguing over and over that the OP over-reacted and that it's only a sandwich (basically getting stuck on the scale of the issue rather than the actual point), what argument is there to suggesr it's ok to make comments about people's (women's most of the time but it must happen to men at times) food choices? Loads of people have said it's happened to them; loads of people think it's rude, and many are upset by it.

Who are you to tell them not be upset? Who are you to come and find it 'so hilarious' that women are upset by personal comments?

Who are you to tell them they're reacting 'wrongly'? Why is it so, so difficult not to say offensive (or even potentially offensive) stuff?

There's an old guy who works at my local coop. Once a fortnight if I'm having a bad day I'll go there to buy chocolate at lunch. He always comments on it - 'oh, should you be eating that?!'. That sort of thing.

I'm a size 6 and run about 40 miles per week. So really yes, I can eat that.

It winds me up so much so I understand where you're coming from. People should stick to safe conversations! Most likely it was just an old man trying to chat and being tactless though.

Bloody rude!
I somehow attract personal comments all the time and it intrigues me as to why some people think it's acceptable to comment so I comets understand why you were annoyed.

Btw my response was to the posters full of spiteful glee, not you Greenshadow

This kind of abuse as increased dramatically since the EU Referendum. Take the store to the European Court for Human Rights.

I think yes he was very rude and tactless, yes it was probably coming from a place of misogyny. I don't blame you for being upset. I personally wouldn't bother yelling at an elderly person though. It's like bollocking your nan for making a racist comment, what's the point? They'll not change, it causes more stress for you, and maybe he simply spoke without engaging his brain? If a younger guy said that to me then I'd definitely tear him off a strip, but an old dude, no.

MerchantofVenice It depends. I'm a size 14 myself and I don't look particularly overweight, but my BMI is far too high. If I was any shorter and a size 14, it would show more obviously.

The OP may well look a healthy weight (as I said, it is dependent on height at that dress size), but she clearly doesn't feel a healthy weight or she wouldn't have been so sensitive. And what is really important is how she feels in herself rather than how some stranger perceives her.

When I buy diet coke in my corner shop the shopkeeper often says "Diet is it?" I just laugh (sometimes I am trying to diet, but I'm also addicted to diet coke). He's just making conversation.

"Why is it so, so difficult not to say offensive (or even potentially offensive) stuff?"

Because somebody could be offended by almost anything. 'How are you' - person has a serious illness and is upset. 'What do you do?' - person feels anxious about their social status or is unemployed and unhappy about it. 'Where do you live' - person lives in rough area and doesn't want to be judged.
Someone upthread complained about the very act of talking to a stranger in the supermarket!!!

YABU.

An old man approached me in a supermarket cake aisle once and said: "I bet you love cake don't you!" Then asked if I was a good cook and if I could make him some rice and peas

I just saw it all as fairly amusing, he was just trying to be friendly albeit in an inept way.

Who are you to tell them not be upset? Who are you to come and find it 'so hilarious' that women are upset by personal comments

A while ago there was a thread about penis size in which the majority agreed that 'small dick' comments hurt men and were unacceptable. Yet, when a woman is shamed for food choices that may make her fat she is told she is overreacting. Seems that in respect to body shaming that what is unacceptable for the gander should be acceptable for the goose.

Spartacus I completely concur. Some people fall over themselves in their rush to sympathise with men, but when it is women who are being belittled....nah, who gives a shit!

I replied that the only thing that ruins mothers is toddlers as I dragged my 3 year old out of the yoghurts

Frouby - like you I often enjoy a chat with random strangers in the supermarket - and TBH, unless someone said "Oi! Fat Twat! - put that multi-pack of kit-kat chunks back on the shelf you're disgusting enough as it is." I wouldn't take offence.

Many times, men and women have made a friendly comment on what was in my basket or hand (or sometimes mouth ) - I don't take offence. I don't mind when complete strangers say "Oooh! You can't have that - it's fattening!" Or "Those are full of chemicals" or "That looks nice" or "Having a party?" or whatever. I enjoy the exchange.

I'm so glad I live in the north.

Its misogynistic body shaming patriarchal emotional victim blaming Brexit abuse

After years suffering from an eating disorder and knowing how sensitive food/calories/fat content conversations can be. I believe this man was out of line big time and I can understand why the op was upset. Weight is such a touchy subject and should be left alone. What kind of weirdo random comments on a strangers food choice anyway? Has he seriously got nothing better to do? He sounds like a really rude busy body. Or an extreamly thoughtless busy body. Either way it's not ok.

HappyFlappy
"I'm so glad I live in the north"

Divisive regionalist minimising.

My child has autism. They would never make a comment that would upset someone. In fact they think far too much about what to say to people.

Why would someone with aspergers get to old age without having learnt not to make personal and hurtful comments? Do people really think people with aspergers can't learn how to behave?

Sick of anyone rude being labelled autistic!

I know the meaning of each of those words, but have no idea what your comment is supposed to mean.

Patronising sociolinguistic psychobabble.

Me too dataandspot! It's extreamly ignorant and very offensive to those who are genuinely autistic!

"n respect to body shaming that what is unacceptable for the gander should be acceptable for the goose."

He didn't body shame her! He was talking about the food being fattening. Is my shopkeeper asking if I'm on a diet body shaming me? I don't think so.

If someone is rude to you, they or other random bystanders don't get to decide how upset you should be

What, so there are no degrees of rudeness and, if you think someone has been rude, even if they didn't intend to be, it's fine to berate them until complete strangers have to intervene?

Gosh o think he sounds mildly flirtatious. I would have said something about enjoying putting all the bad things in my mouth with a cheeky wink.

as you both know, know one person with autism, you know one person with autism. I know a lot of older people with autism. some would say something aloud like that, plus the comment about living on fresh air, some wouldnt. who knows? is it better to always assume things are meant as a personal attack, rather than just writing it off as one of those things, maybe a mental health issue, or alzheimers, or autism, and so not taking offence, starting a shouting match and getting told to calm down by random passers by? is that better?