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AIBU?

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Original poster

FUMING about this man's comments on my lunch at the supermarket!

650 replies

LunchRant · 27/04/2017 14:00

Working from home today. Extremely stressed as I'm really behind on deadlines for things. Decided to pop out for some fresh air and lunch. Went to the big Tesco near me and was browsing the lunch aisle (meal deal sandwiches etc) when a guy just walks by and tuts. Then he says "That's fattening. Definitely fattening."

I have definitely went up a size recently due to not having time to do my usual exercise routine, crappy sleep, and snacking for energy while i'm up at midnight typing/working. But the madness will end by the end of May and I can focus on losing weight again. Not my priority right now.

So i immediately got angry. Told him that he'd best stay away from it then (It was a hummus, falafel wrap btw). He giggled. Still didn't budge. He said something like he's been losing the same battle with his stomach for years. But his wife is still as thin as the day they got married. Then advised me to "stay away from all that. Fresh air is all that you need."

I asked if that's all his wife ate, fresh air. And i asked him to come over and tell me what i should be eating then. I was quite arsey. "Come on. since you've got such an opinion on what i should eat. Come and choose for me."

Another woman who had recently appeared in the aisle said i should calm down. Clearly the man was just trying to make conversation. I told her he should have said hello then and commented on the rain like a normal person. Not comment on my calorie intake.

Then the man starts acting like a victim. "now, now, that's not what i meant. Just being friendly." Tesco employee emerges, just walking by, and the woman informs him that I'm harassing an elderly gentleman.

The employee looked a bit awkward. Asked if everything was okay. I just grumbled 'fuck this'. Put down the bottle of water i was holding, swapped it for a full fat bottle of irn bru and also got a packet of crisps. Childishly said a big 'Yum'. Then told the man "you should be ashamed of yourself." then went and paid.

15 minute walk home and I'm still reeling!

Yes i over reacted. Yes i am half a stone overweight in terms of BMI. Yes i'm still stuffing myself into size 12 clothes when i'm now a 14. And yes, i'm touchy about it.

But i am so pissed off that someone feels it's their right to comment on what someone else eats (especially when he was clearly overweight himself!)

And i'm also pissed off that the woman just passed it off as 'friendly chatter'.

I now don't think i can go back there for a few weeks as I'm so embarrassed. Can't even stomach eating this lunch now as i'm actually feeling guilty about eating something so 'fattening'. Arsehole.

Also can't find the motivation to continue with this work. An hour til DD finishes school. Was hoping i'd make some progress today. Nope!

OP posts:
Discobabe98 · 27/04/2017 20:43

YANBU, Why should you have had to 'just smile and move on' when he's the one who's gone out of his way to make a snide comment? What an absolute fucking wee fruit shoot. And that woman too telling you to calm down. Eh??? Mind your own business cow. Absolute chicken fillet

AwaywiththePixies27 · 27/04/2017 20:54

No the man also being overweight does not make this okay. I'm overweight. I dont comment on other peoples lunch purchases because it's none of my business and I'm not rude.

optionalrationale · 27/04/2017 20:58

I can't believe all the minimising going on here. This man was perpetuating patriarchal oppression

AtomHeart · 27/04/2017 21:01

OMG! He was just being friendly. You were being well over sensitive.

AtomHeart · 27/04/2017 21:02

This man was perpetuating patriarchal oppression

Lol! That was a joke wasn't it?

ohgoshIdontknow · 27/04/2017 21:07

Agree with PP who said 'you seem highly charged'.

I'd have been mildly irritated at worst.

Therealslimshady1 · 27/04/2017 21:07

Perpetuating patriarchal oppression Grin

This thread is hilarious

ohgoshIdontknow · 27/04/2017 21:10

Yes patriarchal oppression!

Hilarious. Peak Mumsnet!

user1490395938 · 27/04/2017 21:14

He was rude and should have kept his nose out of what you were buying to eat. Not his concern or business. Please don't feel down about it!

WanderingTrolley1 · 27/04/2017 21:17

Yabu.

JamesDelaneysHat · 27/04/2017 21:32

You should have shouted 'willy willy willy' at him. www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1270796-To-have-reported-this-builder-to-his-company

DontPullThatTubeOut · 27/04/2017 21:42

Omg James I remember that thread 😂😂

CheeseQueen · 27/04/2017 21:43

I can't believe all the minimising going on here. This man was perpetuating patriarchal oppression

OMFG. This place is absolutely bonkers today. Is it a full moon or something?! Grin

ChiefClerkDrumknott · 27/04/2017 21:44

YANBU. Fuck politeness towards people, men in particular, who try to police what women should be doing. He was rude, none of his business what you're doing, I'd have blown my top too. Why one earth should you just accept the rude comment of some random man with a smile to be easy? Fuck that

JamesDelaneysHat · 27/04/2017 21:45

Grin Don'tPull - it should be in classics really.

pringlecat · 27/04/2017 21:48

It was a daft comment made by someone with no filter. The fact that he said he was losing the battle of the bulge too meant he was trying to relate to you (poorly) rather than judge you as being something inferior to him. If you found his comments inappropriate, you should have ended the exchange there rather than drawn him into a verbal fight that caught the attention of another customer.

I'm not saying I think you're fat. I'm not saying anyone else does. But I think you think you're fat and that's what the real problem is - the comment triggered your own insecurity and you lashed out. Given your extreme reaction, I think you should try to find a way to exercise more and/or eat better because your weight is clearly upsetting you. At a size 14, you could look perfectly normal (depending on your height), but if you were really comfortable with yourself, you wouldn't have gone on the defensive so easily.

Cupofteaandtoilet · 27/04/2017 21:49

Oh God. Willy, willy, willy. Hahahaha

MerchantofVenice · 27/04/2017 21:49

I think there's a bit of classic point-missing going on in this thread.

Some posters have said it's not about sexism because random women/ their grandmother say similar things. Sexism isn't really about who it's from as who it's to surely? Plenty of women can be sexist and misogynistic towards their own sex.

It's also slightly beside the point to say that the OP over-reacted. If someone is rude to you, they or other random bystanders don't get to decide how upset you should be. Yes, maybe you think OP's reaction was on the extreme side - but does that mean rhe bloke wasn't rude? How about we focus on his thoughtless comments instead of analysing if OP was upset in the right way?

I for one don't necessarily think all of this sort of comment is maliciously engineered and evil - but it's wrong and should be flagged up. It's so normalised that neither the bloke or half the people on here can see the dark place it comes from. It's sexist bullshit.

And bollocks to 'oooh, he's old, he can't help it'!! Old people are not stupid. They can learn new stuff, like why it's wrong to pour scorn on women's food choices (assuming he didn't already know it was wrong). We don't just blithely tolerate prejudiced attitudes just because they come from older people, do we??

JustSpeakSense · 27/04/2017 21:50

@JamesDelaneysHat omg thread is hilarious..Grin

AngryGinger · 27/04/2017 21:52

I find laughing and asking people to repeat themselves works for ridiculous comments. I'd have eaten him if he'd commented in what I was eating

MerchantofVenice · 27/04/2017 21:52

OMG pringlecat I assume you're going for a bit of satire here:

at a size 14 you could look perfectly normal

Aaaand we have new evidence that some people on this thread don't get this thread!!

ChickenVindaloo2 · 27/04/2017 21:57

I honestly wonder what we, as future elderly people, will get pulled up on in the future? What views do we hold/express these days which will be terribly offensive, old-fashioned and prejudiced in the future? The mind boggles. I'll probably end up in jail for hate crime for saying the wrong thing to some person in a supermarket Sad

Bluntness100 · 27/04/2017 21:59

This man was perpetuating patriarchal oppression

Bwahahahaha,,😂😂😂

you see old folks making daft conversational comments all the time, what you never see is women shouting at old people " fuck off to the other side of fuck uou oppressive old cunt and let me at the mars bars" because said old person commented on the calorific content of your sarnie. But apparantly folks on here are out screaming at any elderly person who dares to comment to them down their local Tesco.

Seriously full of bullshit on here sometimes,😂😂😂😂

MerchantofVenice · 27/04/2017 21:59

Yeah, maybe you will.

MerchantofVenice · 27/04/2017 22:00

(That was to chickenvindaloo obvs)