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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH has been sprayed with red dye!

767 replies

Mojit0 · 26/04/2017 17:00

This morning DH was running along the Thames towpath as he often does. He was running quite fast as he's training. There is an area where the path narrows a bit and he had caught up and was running behind a woman. He thought she moved to one side to let him pass, so he ran up behind her, at which point she screamed and suddenly sprayed him with a spray! Most of it got on his t-shirt but some of it also also got on his neck and lower face, though he didn't realise at the time. She screamed at him to get away from her and then ran back the other way. He was saying to her, "It's ok" etc, but he said she was so freaked out and looked so terrified he didn't try and follow her.
Now he has a zig-zag pattern of red up his neck and on the left side if his face and it really won't come off. He went into work and someone told him its probably a dye that the police use to mark criminals! I looked on google and it looks as if you can buy a red spray dye that won't wash off for 7 days! If it's this, it's a nightmare as he has to go to China on business tomorrow.
DH feels bad that she was so scared and her reaction actually scared him. He thinks maybe he should have held back, but he thought she was letting him overtake her. I think her reaction was a bit extreme though -AIBU? I run down that path frequently (although not at 6.30am) and I have never heard of anything like this.

OP posts:
AsthmaQ · 27/04/2017 10:53

"t's scary though that if she had reported something, it would have been her word against his and the fact she had sprayed him used as evidence that he had threatened her."

Whilst it is scary and frightening, then the evidence of the spray would have only been used to ID your DH and maybe talk about angles and points of contacts - many other pieces of evidence would have also been used (forensics, witness statements, CCTV). Unfortunately the his word, her word, is the reason so many crimes against women are not prosecuted.

Glad you have it reported and noted down and hope your DH has a great trip to China.

IloveBanff · 27/04/2017 10:57

worridmum I agree with you. I'm also sick of seeing so many people describe criticism of the woman's actions as "victim blaming". Angry

IloveBanff · 27/04/2017 11:01

How many times does it have to be said that he thought the woman was moving aside for him to pass, hence unnecessary for him to say "excuse me". There is far too much victim blaming on this thread. HE is the victim. It's been a thoroughly sickening and infuriating thread to read.

Blistory · 27/04/2017 11:06

But men and women are already treated differently. Women are much more likely to receive custodial sentences than men for first offences. That statistic worsens if we're talking about black women.

Women are much more likely to be attacked than to attack.

Women are smaller and physically weaker so am generally more vulnerable. In a physical fight between an average man and an average woman, she will come off worse. In a fight between two average men, the odds are more equally weighted.

Society is already balanced in favour of men. I'd like to level it. That's not the same thing as tilting it in favour of women.

Sirzy · 27/04/2017 11:08

You want to level it by making it acceptable to assault a man just for walking close to you? I don't want to live in your world then!

LeBoob · 27/04/2017 11:08

If it hasn't already been mentioned, alcohol hand gel will take it off

Original poster
Mojit0 · 27/04/2017 11:09

Also, this was many years ago before I met him, but DH was once the victim of a serious attack by a group of "skinheads" in an East European country. His jaw was fractured and two ribs as well and it knocked his confidence for a long time. He was/is a black belt in two martial arts but this means nothing in that kind of group attack situation. So he knows what it's like to feel vulnerable and men can feel that way too.
I am lucky enough to have never been attacked, though I did once have a close shave when I was travelling in Asia. When I was younger I used to put myself in quite risky situations, looking back. These days I think I'm more aware and realistic, but hopefully not paranoid.

OP posts:
RitaMills · 27/04/2017 11:13

This thread is off the scale bonkers. Reading the OP I was thinking everyone would be unanimous in thinking your DH was the victim here, what other spin could people put on it?! I didn't factor in people inventing utter tripe in their own imaginations and bleating on about 'what if'.

I know the word 'shocked' is a favourite on MN over pretty mundane things but I think it is fair to say that a few of the attitudes on this thread are a bit shocking.

BonfiresOfInsanity · 27/04/2017 11:22

Cheese Queen, I've read the whole thread thanks and I am in agreement that this woman was out of order!. The quotes you've pulled up there are by the same few posters, the vast majority of people on here are saying they are wrong. You are always going to have people who have an opposing view but that is not what the majority of posters on MN are saying and you damn well know it.

Renaissance2017 there are plenty of 'one rule for one and one for another' but usually the other way round so don't give me that. Plenty of men being anti women everywhere in the world. What happens here though is you get one or two people saying something and the rest of the posters get ignored and suddenly the whole of MN is manhating. Hmm

whatsthecomingoverthehill · 27/04/2017 11:30

Men are also much more likely to be attacked than women Blistory. Violent men are the problem, not men in general.

CheeseQueen · 27/04/2017 11:31

The quotes you've pulled up there are by the same few posters

As I said, that was just a few. There were three different posters just on the first few pages.
As I said, I could have gone and got many more.

Joanna0685 · 27/04/2017 11:35

Also @ Blistory you can write your four paragraphs of justification, but it is not really ok to spray someone with paint in the face. I would take her to the drycleaners.

Renaissance2017 · 27/04/2017 11:38

Bonfires

I was referring to MN specifically. The responses to men are markedly different to the responses to women. When it occurs, yes it should be challenged. What's so wrong about that?

And you seem to have missed that I said some posters. Not all.

DeleteOrDecay · 27/04/2017 11:44

I see the points Blistory is making but I really don't think this is the thread for it.

In this instance op's DH is a victim. Anyone who says otherwise is deluded.

AsthmaQ · 27/04/2017 11:49

So when does someone stop being a victim? Is it not entirely possible to have someone who reacted in a certain way who has previously been attacked and is still a victim, and another victim?

NightWanderer · 27/04/2017 11:52

Glad he reported it and the police took it seriously. If someone else is sprayed in the same area then it will help the police build a case.

I hope his trip goes well and doesn't cause him any problems.

A body cam may be useful, just in case. It might help him regain some confidence.

DeleteOrDecay · 27/04/2017 11:55

It's possible that the woman may have been a victim of assault in the past, given her behaviour I wouldn't be surprised. I don't think badly of the woman who did this, in fact I feel incredibly sad for her, something most likely has happened to her to make her react in this way, and I hope she is getting some sort of help to overcome her fears.

However that doesn't mean she can dye spray innocent people without consequence. In this instance she is the perpetrator and he is the victim. That doesn't mean she is not a victim herself.

myshinynewusername · 27/04/2017 13:26

Zilphas, if you are still reading the thread, in my posts that you listed, you listed my quote from one of your posts.

Its raining irony here now. Grin

Edsheeranalbumparty · 27/04/2017 13:36

All of the points that Blistory have absolutely nothing to do with what happened to the OPs husband.

If i had been bitten by a dog, or was just generally scared of dogs because dog attacks happen at a fairly frequent rate, then am i in anyway justified or rational in spraying a dog with an unknown substance just because it walks past me? Confused

HarmlessChap · 27/04/2017 13:48

Like the OP's H I'm a black belt but I'm not sure I would have reacted as he did.

If I was innocently going about my day, jogging, and was sprayed with an unknown substance, by someone I was just trying to pass, there is every chance I would expect the substance to be dangerous and by association that the sprayer was dangerous too.

I would probably panic, defend myself (irrespective of the gender of the attacker) using whatever force I felt necessary to make sure they weren't able to spray any more of it. Then I'd jump in the river in order to dilute/neutralise whatever the fuck the stuff might be.

HappyFlappy · 27/04/2017 14:00

Seriously bad idea. The reality is that people who carry a knife for protection are rarely able to use it effectively, and once they get it out they're vulnerable to their attacker forcing it out of their hands and using it on them.

Not to mention that carrying a knife (other than a small penknife) is illegal, even if you are carrying it for defence.

And as Magisterium has pointed out - knives are both dangerous and can be wielded against the victim.

Also - speaking personally, and I know this is a stupid thing to say if you are being attacked - I would find it very difficult to stab someone. I think most normal people have an instinctive revulsion against doing something so potentially damaging. Any knife I tried to carry would definitely end up in the hands of my attacker.

HappyFlappy · 27/04/2017 14:07

It looks as if you can buy pepper sprays and things legally too

You can buy them, and you can sell them. But it is illegal to carry or use them.

bbcessex · 27/04/2017 14:16

What a shock for him.

I find running very early is even more 'threatening' than later at night tbh. It can feel eerie and makes me feel vulnerable.

I've only done it when absolutely unavoidable when training for something so perhaps she was anxious...

brassbrass · 27/04/2017 14:22

unless she had eyes in the back of her head the person running up behind her could just as well have been a female and she would have ended up spraying a woman....

IloveBanff · 27/04/2017 14:30

brassbrass men would still have been blamed if that had happened. For causing the fear that made the "sprayer" react. If that had happened both women would have been called victims.

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