Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH has been sprayed with red dye!

767 replies

Mojit0 · 26/04/2017 17:00

This morning DH was running along the Thames towpath as he often does. He was running quite fast as he's training. There is an area where the path narrows a bit and he had caught up and was running behind a woman. He thought she moved to one side to let him pass, so he ran up behind her, at which point she screamed and suddenly sprayed him with a spray! Most of it got on his t-shirt but some of it also also got on his neck and lower face, though he didn't realise at the time. She screamed at him to get away from her and then ran back the other way. He was saying to her, "It's ok" etc, but he said she was so freaked out and looked so terrified he didn't try and follow her.
Now he has a zig-zag pattern of red up his neck and on the left side if his face and it really won't come off. He went into work and someone told him its probably a dye that the police use to mark criminals! I looked on google and it looks as if you can buy a red spray dye that won't wash off for 7 days! If it's this, it's a nightmare as he has to go to China on business tomorrow.
DH feels bad that she was so scared and her reaction actually scared him. He thinks maybe he should have held back, but he thought she was letting him overtake her. I think her reaction was a bit extreme though -AIBU? I run down that path frequently (although not at 6.30am) and I have never heard of anything like this.

OP posts:
CheeseQueen · 27/04/2017 09:32

Look speaking as a man getting sprayed by red paint is an inconvenience not an assault

So if I decided to randomly turn round and spray a paint can at you today with paint that doesn't come off for a week you'd be OK with that? Yeah, course you would. Hmm

Mrsfred · 27/04/2017 09:33

i have briefly skimmed the thread, has anyone suggested contacting the company in the Amazon link to see if they can suggest anything to remove the dye? Maybe worth a try.

tabbymog · 27/04/2017 09:43

She shouldn't be there either at that time if so nervous feels the need to carry spray paint!

Wrong. Completely wrong. This is blaming the victim, barring them from places they have the same right to be in as everyone else. A person (it’s not just women) carrying spray paint, which I always do when I go out, has had experience(s) that teach them they have to do this to keep themselves safe in public places.

Reading this whole thread it’s obvious that the OP and her husband have more sympathy and awareness of what that unknown woman might have been feeling, than many of the respondents. For some responses, if I’m feeling charitable I think that they simply don’t understand because they’ve never experienced it, what it’s like to have to respond in a split second to the fear that they might be about to be attacked. It absolutely is not a situation where there is time for a considered judgement. Lucky them. If I’m not feeling charitable… it’s not printable.

I’ve been in that unknown woman’s place more than once. The first time I don’t want to relive. Ever since, I’ve carried that paint spray. It gives me the confidence to be out in public, doing what most people take for granted.

As for the claim that she assaulted someone, the essence of a crime without which an action generally isn’t a crime, is intent. Then there’s recklessness which can make an action a crime without intent but it’s an evidentiary matter for a magistrate or jury to decide on at trial. In these circumstances it’s for CPS to decide whether to prosecute or not. Do you think CPS would prosecute a frightened woman who took a harmless action with a legal paint spray and did what the spray is intended to let her do – run away? Do you think CPS should prosecute in these circumstances? It’s unfortunate that an innocent person should be sprayed because this unknown woman was scared, but that’s a problem for society. As is the problem of so many people being attacked and needing to protect themselves. The paint spray is legal, carrying keys or a nail file for that same purpose, is a crime. So this is the only legal option open to people who want to protect themselves unless they’re martial arts experts.

Personally, if I'd been that unknown woman I'd have felt safer if a runner had slowed to walk a reasonable distance behind me and called out that he was about to pass me, trotted past me and gone back to a run after he was clear of me. That's just a suggestion; it's society's problem that a runner should have this kind of difficulty. That too, is wrong.

Pepper spray: It’s illegal both to try to buy it and to carry it in England and Wales. I don’t know about Scottish law, it’s a different system.

OnionKnight · 27/04/2017 09:47

Personally, if I'd been that unknown woman I'd have felt safer if a runner had slowed to walk a reasonable distance behind me and called out that he was about to pass me, trotted past me and gone back to a run after he was clear of me.

I'm sorry but that is absurd, I see joggers going up and down my street every day, in all the years I've lived there I've never seen the above behavior. Even when I've been walking along and a jogger has approached me from behind they just jog past, occasionally saying 'excuse me' or similar.

BonfiresOfInsanity · 27/04/2017 09:55

Can we stop with all this kind of crap please ^Also (not aimed at this poster, just in general on this thread) it's interesting to see the "MN - We Believe You" campaign in full force.
Translate it as - "MN - We Believe You. If you're female. If you're male you're more than likely a big fat liar."^

I'd say at least 95% of the posters on this thread have said what the woman did was not acceptable, so lets not keep writing this 'if the roles were reversed' shit that I keep seeing all over MN lately.

OP, I hope your DH is OK and that his work is not affected by having the paint on his face. Poor bloke.

worridmum · 27/04/2017 09:55

Why the he'll are people still calling the woman here a victim she is bloody not a victim the op husband is the bloody victim or are people as cutting victim with female as belive it or not women can be criminals you know

AsthmaQ · 27/04/2017 09:57

The OPs husband himself says he thinks that the way he was running may have led to her feeling like she was being chased.

Thankfully, he gets it. Shame so few on this thread do.

OP - hope it's off and the police have taken the statement etc.

splendide · 27/04/2017 10:01

As for the claim that she assaulted someone, the essence of a crime without which an action generally isn’t a crime, is intent.

This isn't applicable here - she absolutely had intent, she didn't accidentally spray him with paint. She may be able to claim self-defence but that has nothing to do with intent.

shakingmyhead1 · 27/04/2017 10:07

imagine the Op's Dh is a sexual assault therapist or something ,
now imagine him going into work covered in a long lasting "Rapist/attacker identification dye" and how long he would keep his job after his first patient of the day seen him covered in a LONG LASTING RAPIST/ATTACKER IDENTIFICATION DYE... how long? would it matter that we was completely innocent? nope, his reputation would be shot all because he chose to go jogging before work
( yes i caps locked on that as too many people are down playing that it is a dye that is designed to leave a long lasting stain )

Just for your info as people seem to think this is some sort of paint

TIW Farb Gel (Temporary Identification Witness) is the UK’s No 1 selling criminal identification spray.

With the ever increasing crime rate, this product provides an alternative way to protect ourselves and deter attack.

Farb Gel is legal in the UK and does not contain any harmful chemicals and is non-toxic.

Designed to stain and mark your attacker with a bright red gel and is not designed to cause injury.

tabbymog · 27/04/2017 10:16

I'm sorry but that is absurd, I see joggers going up and down my street every day, in all the years I've lived there I've never seen the above behavior. Even when I've been walking along and a jogger has approached me from behind they just jog past, occasionally saying 'excuse me' or similar.

Not so, context, or in this situation, location, is everything. There's no, or little fear of a violent attack on a busy street in daylight, handbag grabbing perhaps, but not a violent assault. This location and time of day were very different.

CheeseQueen · 27/04/2017 10:17

I'd say at least 95% of the posters on this thread have said what the woman did was not acceptable, so lets not keep writing this 'if the roles were reversed' shit that I keep seeing all over MN lately.

You haven't seen the amount of shit spouted about how

I wonder to I'm sorry to say whether he is innocent

If he doesn't want to report it to the police then I would be very suspicious, sorry.

Give the woman a break.

Reported for what ? He seems to have gotten a bit too close which suggests a huge lack of awareness on his part.

He got a bit of paint on him. (minimising an assault, how lovely)

I could go on. Just a few, so many more quotes. The minimising quote? So if a woman came on here saying a man sprayed her with an unknown substance just for passing, she'd get told , it's only getting a bit of paint on you, would she?!

Or would she be told "Sorry to say, but you must have done something to deserve it?!"
Would she FUCK and you damn well known it.
This place is sick sometimes.

worridmum · 27/04/2017 10:18

But it causes property damage so would still be classed as assault

As spraying people with water is still assault why it is perfectly harmless and I don't think anyone could possibly be allergic to water while there is possibility of an allergic reaction to the paint as I bet they use chemicals similar to hair due and all know how "safe" hair dye is for everyone

WhatALoadOfOldBollocks · 27/04/2017 10:19

The OPs husband himself says he thinks that the way he was running may have led to her feeling like she was being chased.
Thankfully, he gets it. Shame so few on this thread do.

He's shocked and desperately trying to find fault with himself, because a normal person wouldn't just spray him unless he'd done something "wrong" eh. If he'd slowed down to pass her as some have suggested he could've been "wrong", if he carried on at his normal speed coiuld've been "wrong", if he'd been wearing different clothes, not been panting as he was running, not been running on the towpath, not been running at that time in the morning, if he wasn't male...
It's all BS. He did nothing wrong. She has issues and he got the brunt of it.

MissDallas · 27/04/2017 10:22

Maybe the woman from Limehouse moved to SW London? It might be worth the police checking with their East London colleagues...

HappyFlappy · 27/04/2017 10:29

If he is worried that he will look like a criminal at his business meeting, could he use it as an ice-breaker? Tell a fib ("My wife was anxious to be running alone and I got her a spray dye. She tried it out, but it was pointing the wrong way and I got a face full.") There is nothing like a "My silly little wife" story to bond blokes together, and I'm sure your shoulders are broad enough to take it as a one-off.

kali110 · 27/04/2017 10:36

This thread highlights everything that is wrong about Mumsnet.
Agreed.
cheese with you completely.
Disgusted reading this thread. Confused

Renaissance2017 · 27/04/2017 10:40

lets not keep writing this 'if the roles were reversed' shit that I keep seeing all over MN lately.

Why not? Would you rather have one rule for women and another for men? The amount of blatant anti man bias that is spouted on a regular basis and not challenged is unbelievable. It's about time that some posters realised how prejudiced their views are.

The world is not divided in women good, man bad ways. Their are shits from both sexes.

Annahibiscuits · 27/04/2017 10:44

Yes, there should be different 'rules' for men and women. Until men stop attacking people at such high rates, absolutely

Equal is not equality

niangua · 27/04/2017 10:45

No sympathy for the silly bint. She can't go around attacking people because she's 'scared'. If she'd done it with a knife, a taser or bleach there'd be little sympathy and I don't see why dye should be any different. It's not 'victim blaming' when she isn't a victim - she sprayed a man with dye for no reason other than he just existed.

If she doesn't like men running near her maybe she should consider using a treadmill, just the same as if a man doesn't like to be near women he can bugger off elsewhere and get over himself.

It's criminal damage and could have really messed up his eyesight. Plus, as you say, his work.

Mojit0 · 27/04/2017 10:46

Just to say he's back and has given a statement. Thankfully the woman has not contacted the police about this as there is nothing on the system. The police were fine although they did ask him to confirm about three times that he had no physical contact with the woman, that he didn't barge her or shove her. They took quite a detailed statement. They said the spray is becoming quite popular these days and can be a real nuisance. It is legal but unfortunately there is no way of getting it off. You have to wait for the skin to renew itself. It does fade daily though. The police do not expect he will have any issues at the airport, but have provided a letter to the effect that he has been randomly sprayed just in case.
So I guess that's it. The fact that the woman hasn't reported anything probably suggests she realised she had not actually been under threat but had panicked. It's scary though that if she had reported something, it would have been her word against his and the fact she had sprayed him used as evidence that he had threatened her.
I think it was worth reporting anyway just in case it links with any other incidents and for peace of mind that there is no investigation taking place.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 27/04/2017 10:46

Seriously? What is going to happen by a perfectly innocent man not going out because a woman may be scared of him? Other than the man is becoming a victim.

This double sided victim blaming is awful!

CheeseQueen · 27/04/2017 10:49

Until men stop attacking people at such high rates, absolutely

You do realise that women can attack too, right?! Men aren't a monster species. Hmm
The majority are lovely. So because some attack, is it perfectly OK to spray passing joggers as you feel jittery?
I read an article about female girl gang attacks being on the rise a while back. Would the same principle apply if someone had been attacked by one? A loud, sweary, intimidating gang sauntering past and getting too close, just turn and spray them?
I'm guessing not.

worridmum · 27/04/2017 10:50

Can you imagine the outrage if there were different rules for men and women for example women are more likely to shop lift then men so they should be treated differently aka worse then males who are less likely to shop lift oh wait people campaigning for different rules don't like it when it disadvantaged females....

OnionKnight · 27/04/2017 10:50

I do wonder where this inclination that some posters have to believe the woman over the man or to minimise the effects on the man but maximise it on the woman comes from.

I've encountered horrible women and horrible men and I'm wondering if these posters have encountered far more horrible men than women or something? I certainly don't disbelieve someone because they happen to be a man or a woman.

Renaissance2017 · 27/04/2017 10:51

Anna

I don't attack women so why should I be treated differently? What the hell do you expect me as a man to do?

Is the fact that I'm born a man now a reason to be discriminated against?

Swipe left for the next trending thread