to ask how much freedom your ten year old has?

[hollyvsivy]

My daughter will be ten soon. I wouldn't say I'm super strict but it's begun to occur to me that she has way less freedom than others her age. We saw friends of hers at mcdonalds alone the other day with their iPhones in hand and make up on. Tonight we saw her friend out bike riding alone. Her other friend stays home alone while her mum takes her brother to swimming lessons. The majority have their own phones and/or tablets.

DD doesn't have a phone or tablet. She doesn't ask to use technology at home. She doesn't wear make up. She has never been out alone or with friends alone and I still don't like her going to the toilet alone in public places

Seeing as she's happy with how things are (and doesn't have the awful attitude a lot of her friends do!) AIBU to continue this way for as long as possible, or should I be encouraging her to grow up a bit? How much freedom does your ten year old have?

I would seriously reconsider allowing a six year old to walk to school (20min walk).

DS has just turned 10 and in Year 5. He walks to and from school by himself, goes out on his bike to the park next door and round the estate by himself or with friends, and stays at home by himself if I have to go out.

He also uses technology (but doesn't have a phone) - but ime this is a different topic. You're asking about independence. And I think that should be encouraged - or else the leap from primary to secondary may be too big.

Make up and technology are totally separate issues to independence and self care skills. The former should be child led and it's perfectly fine of she never wants to wear make up or have a tablet or smartphone. Independence skills are ideally child led but parents should actively encourage and help reluctant children develop them and are doing no favours treating a ten year old like a four year old.

My kids have been allowed to cycle alone in the village from 8 and longer distances after passing their cycling proficiency at 9 or 10 (take emergency family property phone to call in when arriving at friend's house or in case of problems, route agreed in advance, safe route, many daylight hours remaining etc).

Home alone we start training at 6, having already established fire drills from preschool age, competence in using landline to call speedial numbers, which neighborly to go to, the ground rules etc. At first it's 5 mins to walk to post box, build up gradually,never against child's will if they'd rather come with. Build up to a couple of hours by 9, by 11.5 four hours after school though by choice only - there is a free homework club at school if she prefers but she finds it too noisy. Not every day due to part time shift work. I was initially wobbly about not being sure she'd got in (key safe is a good back up tip from MN,I hadn't thought of it - though since getting it only DH Has needed it!)

It's your choice OP but you need to start building her skill set up a bit before secondary age IMO.

mine have always had phones, not tablets

tablets seem to give them all the boring crap of the internet with no actual way to contact them

I have a friend who is so anti phones her dd has an ipad and a walkie talkie

AnnPerkins, my child in year Six, goes to a childminder, so she takes him to school. On the rare occasion I take him, I walk him to the main road, and once he's crossed that safely I watch him walk the remaining 300 yards on his own. At pick up time I go into the playground to collect him, but that's really only because he will forget he's not going the childminders that day and will be waiting at the wrong exit for her. In September, he will be walking on his own to Highschool, but it's only another 200 yards away. I'm not worried, he will be fine. Just because he doesn't walk to school now, doesn't mean he won't be able to in September.

Mine also walk to the school bus stop (because we're 4km from school) with neighbor kids from 6 and come home the same way - I've never done a school run and parents only take kids to school on their first day and walk them to the bus stop/ school on day 2, but we're abroad where the infrastructure is set up for all primary school children to walk or bus to school.

mine have always had phones, not tablets
tablets seem to give them all the boring crap of the internet with no actual way to contact them

Hah. Yes. The stalking and harassing (and demanding that they put the kettle on) opportunities mean a phone is far more useful to a parent than a tablet.

Forgot to say that all DD's tech is regularly audited by me (and she is well aware of this).

(age 6 not year 6)

yes phones are quite useful! put the oven on, take something out of freezer, let dog out etc

tech also audited by me

I'll reconsider if she changes her mind about wanting to do it or her teacher has an issue with it but otherwise no mumzy she'll most likely won't be the only one walking/biking there so will probably find friends to walk with soon enough if she wants. She'll have a phone with her though, she usually takes my old phone with her when she's out wandering.

Blowing through the Jasmin.......Errr I'm confused now because i never said me and my friends did it from age eight? Where did you get that from?

you said year eight

not age eight

Her opinion came from somewhere?? WTF. yeah naybe her opinion came from her brain, where she can obviously think for herself she actually sounds quite mature and confident. Well done op for raising a child who doesnt feel she needs to be the same as everyone else to be liked!!!

my just turned 10yo has less freedom than I'd like, mainly because there is no "playing out" culture in the immediate local area. It's an urban area with busy roads which may explain why kids don't play out much.

I'd happily send her out to play if there were others to play with.

I do let her walk to the corner shop and postbox, which are a couple of minutes away - the former means crossing one small side street, the latter crosses a main road but at a pelican crossing.

Doesn't walk to school as she chooses to walk with her younger sister and me. Again, I'd be happy for her to walk without me but none of her friends walk, and she'd rather our company than walking alone. No phone, no key - will get these in YR7.

I leave her on her own for up to a couple of hours now and again, most often if I'm taking DC2 to an activity or a party. We've checked she can use the landline to call us, and she does. She's not allowed on the computer while I'm out as I don't want her to have wholly unsupervised internet access, but she can use her ipad which has pretty comprehensive child safety settings.

Ash yes, i said my daughter did it from year eight, so at about age 12/13.

Yes, lots of it is about geography. We live in a naice village. DS(10) Y6 walks to school, goes out with friends to the park and bike rides 3 miles or so along the canal to the next village for an ice cream.

Next stage will be going around town with friends, discreetly shadowed by a parent, then getting the train to town (two stops) with friends.

I am pretty slack though. My older kids went abroad, youth hostelling with friends at 16 and 17 and laughed at the idea of us going on uni open days with them. They are all competent independent young adults.

Natsku...Do you let your six year old go out wondering? Gosh that makes me feel really like I've smothered mine. Mine wouldn't have been allowed out the back garden at age six.

Alllowed out OF the back garden mumzy or allowed out IN the back garden?

I remember having a friend for lunch once with a controlling obsessive new husband.

He couldn't believe we let our two children, then 8 and 5, out to play in our garden by themselves.

I've never forgotten it as I had NO CLUE people could be so bonkers.

Yeah I do. We live on a little estate (4 roads) surrounded by forest on three sides and a bike path on the fourth side so she has free range in the area, often goes to visit her friends in other houses or takes her doll for a walk in its pram. She likes to call it her "exploration trips"

in fact even saying we 'let them out' seems nuts

they go in and out as they wish and have done since they were tiny!

I meant not allowed out the back garden, ie off the premises entirely. I would encourage them to play in the back garden. I wouldn't have allowed them to go wandering at age six.

I think my DD is fairly normal compared to most of the people that have commented.

She is 10 and a half, has no siblings (I think this is relevant as she has no one at home to play with) I am pregnant but obviously a 10 year gap is a big one!

DD has a phone and has since Christmas, because she plays out. In the holidays she can be out all day and we can contact each other.

She walks/cycles to and from the local shop, park, youth club. Usually with friends but will go alone. I pick her up from youth club if it is dark.

She can make tea, cook basics like pasta.

She has never shown an interest in make up and dolls, she is always at the park with a football!

She has a wide group of friends and I am happy with her level of independence, especially as the new baby will be here soon and DD will want to be out and about with her friends in the summer holidays and I won't have to be entertaining her and a newborn!

Not having a go natsku....I don't think my area is as rural as yours.

From 11 DD walked into town from school with her friends - it's such a non issue here though because on days when they have afternoon school or homework club there is no supervision at all from 12:25-13:30 and the kids often walk into town for pizza or a "Schülerschnitzel" :o The pizza/ schnitzel type food outlets have special lunch menus only available to school kids :o

It's a"nice" town though, no MacDonalds, the only chains are Subway and a posh bakery chain - so that's alright then :o

AnnPerkins - ds is at a middle school, and unless they have a sibling in the first school next door, or have an SN, it is very much not the done thing to be taken to and from school by your parent/grandparent etc, and the school encourage that from Yr5 when they start middle school that they are more independent.
Friends dd has gone from tiny village school to a large middle school, and that is an hour on the bus each way as the school bus winds through the villages and its been a huge leap to that indpendence