Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To end 25 year old friendship over this comment

279 replies

nakedandconcerned · 25/04/2017 21:38

Dh and I were out with another couple at the weekend who we have been friends with for over 25 years (since me and the other woman were pregnant with out first).

Was a lovely evening until the end when they asked who we were voting for in the next election. Myself and dh both said labour. Other couple said they were voting Tory and said that they thought we were stupid to even consider voting for corbyn. Both myself and dh were a bit Hmm at that but I tried to explain I work for the NHS and I don't like what the current government are doing and dh is heavily involved in unions so feels his heart belongs to labour despite their current leader.

Now I should add that when we met current couple we were from similar social-economic backgrounds. Man from other couple owns a business and over the last 15 years it has taken off and they now earn a lot more than us. This has never been a problem in the past except a few occasions when they have chosen restaurants that are out of my and dh's price range.

Back to the evening they went on to tell us that the reason they were better off than us is because they work harder than we do, and that we have easy life's because we have no 'drive'. This is completely not true, I might be a lowly nurse but Im always signing up for new training, courses and promotions despite doing my training 30 years ago. I find the comment that they are better off than us because they work harder as incredibly offensive and dismissive of other people's struggles. It kind of escalated into a bit of an argument at this point as my dh was very offended. We then said our goodbyes and made a swift exit.

The man has a bit of form for making arseholey comments. Last year he got very drunk and told dh that he didn't understand how anyone could be poor 'if you don't have money then don't spend any'.

Aibu to not want to speak to either of them again. I feel very offended.

OP posts:
TheTabardOfDoom · 27/04/2017 18:38

In answer to your OP. Yes I would no longer be friends with this couple. How can you possibly move past them being such wankers this?

cuckooplusone · 27/04/2017 18:41

Hi OP

I don't think I would feel very enthusiastic about meeting up with them again. It sounds like they don't respect your contribution to society very much.

If it was me, I would probably not pursue the relationship, but if they were keen to make an effort I might be persuaded to give them the benefit of the doubt (after the long history) and see if they were feeling a bit sheepish (I suspect it was obvious how you felt).

fondmemoriesofsleep · 27/04/2017 18:46

I cannot imagine anyone actually saying that. OP did they really say that or are you translating what they said as meaning that? If they actually said that you should end the friendship immediately!

PuckeredAhole · 27/04/2017 18:47

I wouldn't not be friends with someone because of their political persuasion per se. In this case it's not that they're voting tory, it's because they're tossers. You can get tossers from the labour and lib dem voting camps too.

Tapandgo · 27/04/2017 18:48

Bin them - they clearly put money ahead of everything and everybody. Their values are clearly in inverse proportion to their bank balance. (Be proud of what you do - we all need good nurses - as they will one day when someone knocks them out 🤕)

sheepashwap · 27/04/2017 18:49

Please, please don't defriend him just yet.

Organise for him to shadow you one day first.

Then end the friendship.

Tapandgo · 27/04/2017 18:49

puckered - true, tossers everywhere

VickyRsuperstar · 27/04/2017 18:49

I haven't read all the comments, but if someone was willing to say what they truly thought i.e. that you have an "easy life" and you haven't worked hard enough...then goodness knows what else they think and say behind your back. It's incredibly rude, arrogant and judgmental. Whatever you had in common in the past, if they are that rude to your face then you have definitely outgrown the friendship. I would walk away and not look back. Don't waste your time with them any more.

silverfox17 · 27/04/2017 18:57

With friends like that who wants enemies. I think your friendship has run its course. Bin them, sounds like the pair of them are well up there selves. Your better than them by a long shot.

feebeecat · 27/04/2017 18:58

Ditch them. I had something similar happen with one of my oldest friends and her husband - he could not have been more condescending and insulting if he tried! Friend tried to gloss over it, claimed it was the drink, should never talk politics etc. After a bit of a rant, dh & I decided to let it go. Next met up with them at a large social gathering, lots of people around, plenty of other stuff to talk about - literally the first thing the dh said, after a brief hello, was a repeat of previous conversation. Only just arrived, stone cold sober. My dh cut the conversation dead, not seen them since.
Shame really, she was lovely, he became a complete arse after his business took off, really have nothing in common anymore, so have just drifted apart. do secretly want to contact him & ask his current opinion of his hero nigel farage

Jem6738 · 27/04/2017 18:58

I always say "be careful who you step on on the way up, because on your way down they will either be there to hold your hand or laugh their arse off". This isn't about politics. We have friends who are similar to you, whilst we have been more career driven. It matter absolutely squat. They are our friends we love them and their company. They are far less stressed than we are. At times we often think 'have we got it right?' As time has gone on we have all changed in our work and I am now a SAHM. This is, I am afraid to say, their total lack of respect for you or even your right to an opinion. I wouldn't make any plans to see them And see if they do all the running to restore your friendship. You don't have to be rude or make a big scene. If they can't see what they have lost, then you will have lost nothing

simiisme · 27/04/2017 19:05

Plenty of people on here bang on about 'If you work hard, you'll be wealthy' - pisses me off.
Bin the cockwombles

HumphreyCobblers · 27/04/2017 19:13

It will be interesting to see what happens to their perspective if their business goes down a bit.

What horrible people. I have noticed this with a few people I know, they work hard in fields where they get a massive reward for their efforts, and good on them for choosing that and doing well. But it seems to blinker them to the fact that most of the world work incredibly hard and DON'T get super wealthy on the back of it. It is deeply annoying.

Also, it is bad enough that the man thought those things about you, but to actually SAY them! To your very face! What a complete arse.

InfinityPlusOne · 27/04/2017 19:14

We have friends who are similar to you, whilst we have been more career driven.

The OP isn't career driven?

They are far less stressed than we are.

Doubt that applies to a nurse in the NHS

Soozikinzii · 27/04/2017 19:17

I am afraid sometimes just the fact you've known someone so long isn't a reason to still be friendly. Sadly friendships run their course like relationships do ,and it sounds like this one has xx

Gentlygrowingoldermale · 27/04/2017 19:24

As a one time unionist in the public sector (FE) it gives me heart OP that there are still people like you and your DP around.

50/50 of my friends differ from me politically, but we still talk politics. I think that shows our decency to others.

I wouldn't de-friend someone over their politics but what they are talking about isn't political views but downright nasty and unpleasant!

I agree; you need to decide whether your friendship is important to you, anyone who tells a nurse, they have an easy life, is showing ignorance and breath taking arrogance.

Perhaps they are trying to end the friendship because they believe they're superior.

Perhaps leave things to see whether they ask you out again, if they don't, problem solved. If they do, tell them how crass their descriptions of you felt.

All the best.

Becky2181 · 27/04/2017 19:26

Dicks the pair of them, cut them loose.....

ShiningArmour · 27/04/2017 19:35

Patronising cunts, bin them.

Jem6738 · 27/04/2017 19:35

Infinity plus one. We all work in public services (police and local authority).

I was talking about us. I can't help feel someone is always trying to pick an arguement on here!

ahhhhhwoof · 27/04/2017 19:38

Disgusting. These people are not your friends.

InfinityPlusOne · 27/04/2017 19:39

Jem I was highlighting your own words which suggested the OP was like your friends and therefore not career driven. I don't think there's anything in the OPs post to suggest that.

Patsy99 · 27/04/2017 19:41

People who think money is the most important thing think anyone who has the capability to be rich would be.

Therefore if you're not rich, you're less able than them.

They just don't get that some people are motivated by wider issues and ime it's useless trying to persuade them.

SherbrookeFosterer · 27/04/2017 20:02

I have frozen out a lot of friends who voted Brexit, so I understand where you are coming from.

Benedikte2 · 27/04/2017 20:04

Mature people accept their friends for who they are and don't disparage them for their political views. They should have known better than to bring the subject up .
Unfortunately so few people seem to understand the interdependence of people living in a society -- we can't all be successful business people and if we were who would ensure we'd have clean water, drainage, power, transport, roads, health service etc etc
The reason our society is relatively healthy nowadays depends on clean water and drainage as much as the health service -- yet your friends OP, would see workers in these fields as even less deserving of a decent income than nurses etc!
I could not continue a friendship with folk like your "friends".

clarabellb · 27/04/2017 20:06

YANBU

They called you stupid and lazy.

They think that having money makes you a better person.

They sound vile.