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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To end 25 year old friendship over this comment

279 replies

nakedandconcerned · 25/04/2017 21:38

Dh and I were out with another couple at the weekend who we have been friends with for over 25 years (since me and the other woman were pregnant with out first).

Was a lovely evening until the end when they asked who we were voting for in the next election. Myself and dh both said labour. Other couple said they were voting Tory and said that they thought we were stupid to even consider voting for corbyn. Both myself and dh were a bit Hmm at that but I tried to explain I work for the NHS and I don't like what the current government are doing and dh is heavily involved in unions so feels his heart belongs to labour despite their current leader.

Now I should add that when we met current couple we were from similar social-economic backgrounds. Man from other couple owns a business and over the last 15 years it has taken off and they now earn a lot more than us. This has never been a problem in the past except a few occasions when they have chosen restaurants that are out of my and dh's price range.

Back to the evening they went on to tell us that the reason they were better off than us is because they work harder than we do, and that we have easy life's because we have no 'drive'. This is completely not true, I might be a lowly nurse but Im always signing up for new training, courses and promotions despite doing my training 30 years ago. I find the comment that they are better off than us because they work harder as incredibly offensive and dismissive of other people's struggles. It kind of escalated into a bit of an argument at this point as my dh was very offended. We then said our goodbyes and made a swift exit.

The man has a bit of form for making arseholey comments. Last year he got very drunk and told dh that he didn't understand how anyone could be poor 'if you don't have money then don't spend any'.

Aibu to not want to speak to either of them again. I feel very offended.

OP posts:
user1234566 · 26/04/2017 10:22

Yanbu. They are some very nasty comments and I can totally understand why you wouldn't want to talk to them.

nannybeach · 26/04/2017 10:24

Defo drop them. I was brought up never discuss politics,sex,money or religions. But if you have geniune good friends you should be able to discuss these things and have separate opinions.

jelliebelly · 26/04/2017 10:28

Politics irrelevant here - how on earth have you stayed friends with these people for 25 years!?!

Babypassport · 26/04/2017 10:29

I'm a Tory voter and there's no way I could be friends with someone like that. It's not down to politics, it's down to them just being really unpleasant people!

Original poster
nakedandconcerned · 26/04/2017 10:39

Like I've said previously I have other friends who vote Tory.

It's not about politics for me it's about the comment.

OP posts:
SapphireStrange · 26/04/2017 10:43

Politics per se is not the issue. The issue is their actual comment.

They sound like tossers. They should have been in touch as soon as the alcohol cleared to apologise and ask how they could make reparations.

I wouldn't bother getting in touch with them again, long friendship or not.

elgatoderisa · 26/04/2017 10:44

I do believe that nurses are one of the most underpaid sectors of society in relation to the importance and value of the job they do.
Not quite the same, but I used to work as a social worker for the child protection team where resources were also very stretched.
My husband is a highly successful entrepreneur and, financially speaking, has set us and our DC up for life. Do I think I worked harder than him? Not really if I'm honest. Yes it was highly stressful to be dealing with extremely vulnerable children and babies on a day to day basis, but when my shift ended, it ended. All decisions are made collectively and you can make sure your back is covered. This is not the case for entrepreneurs who may risk everything to get set up, with no expectation of a safety net, salary scale, pension plan, normal working hours or anyone to blame if it all goes wrong.
It's ridiculous to assess who works harder because the type of stress is so totally different, as is the mentality that goes with it.
Your friends are very crass to suggest they work harder than you because they have no idea. Maybe what they were clumsily trying to say though was that nobody is forced to work on a government salary. If you were doing a different job you could well be in more money and government cuts would not affect you as much.
I say this because I think it's a shame to end a 25 year friendship over one conversation. You admit you were Hmm when they told you they would be voting Tory. Maybe they picked up on that and got defensive? I would try and talk this through. You made your life choices, they made theirs. It doesn't matter who works hardest and it's not a competition.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 26/04/2017 10:48

Wow, they sound like smug, judgemental arseholes! Bin them!

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 26/04/2017 10:50

^ Should also add, totally agree with you on having lots of friends who I disagree with politically, also think this is healthy, and it does not impair the friendships at all, because they are not arseholes, they just have a different political opinion, which is kinda how democracy works...

Ineedacupofteadesperately · 26/04/2017 10:53

Definitely bin them. Nurses are way underpaid in the UK for what they do and we'd be stuffed without them. I couldn't do it - nurses should be paid more and given the utmost respect for doing a very difficult and demanding job. Bet your "friend"'s business doesn't contribute anything to society like you do.

Nanny0gg · 26/04/2017 10:56

I might be a lowly nurse

Nothing 'lowly' about it!

We have friends with different political views and a different approach to work (he's been in the same job for 30 years).

We have very lively discussions and get a bit cross sometimes.

We get over it and we are still very good friends. Because we don't insult each other. You don't need to be rude just because you disagree.

Your friends are arses.

Ineedacupofteadesperately · 26/04/2017 10:57

If you don't want to bin them suggest they spend a day work shadowing you in the nhs and then ask if they dare to claim they work harder. The cheek of it!

HashiAsLarry · 26/04/2017 11:01

Well as clearly you two don't know how to work hard this is the perfect opportunity to stop working at the friendship Wink

Seriously, who the hell thinks they work harder than an NHS nurse FFS?

The80sweregreat · 26/04/2017 11:01

i can see why your so upset - you dont need people like this in your life.
Money, always seems to go to people's head i;m afraid.
I'd always rather be friends with a hard working nurse than some business man who is in it for himself.

Original poster
nakedandconcerned · 26/04/2017 11:03

I was Hmm at them calling us stupid for voting labour not at them voting tory.

OP posts:
mimishimmi · 26/04/2017 11:05

It's really offensive. On the one hand they're saying they are better off because they work harder and then they are saying your lives are easy. So which is it? Do they feel hard done by? Sounds like they're a bit miffed you are not salivating at their new found riches.

Zaphodsotherhead · 26/04/2017 11:06

Unfortunately there are plenty of people who think that working hard = money and being poor = laziness.

They tend to be people who've had a fairly easy ride, but who, in their heads, have 'clawed their way up'. They only know about their lives, lack the intelligence to see that it's not the same for everyone, and that circumstances can restrict even the hardest worker's ability to earn millions.

I'll never forget a bloke i went out with once, lecturing me on how, despite paying into a sizeable pension, he was going to be 'very hard up' when he retired...he had over a million invested. It's all relative.

Original poster
nakedandconcerned · 26/04/2017 11:09

Also I know I'm not forced to work on a government salary...I haven't once complained on here or to them about how much I earn or my and DH's financial situation. I also haven't once said on here about how hard I do or do not work nor what I feel I deserve.

They brought up money. They made the judgement if I worked harder I'd be in more money. I don't know why some commenters are trying to spin this back on me. I don't judge them for their lifestyle or political viewpoint and haven't made any comments on this thread which would suggest otherwise.

OP posts:
Justaboy · 26/04/2017 11:10

I'd always rather be friends with a hard working nurse than some business man who is in it for himself.

But a lot of the time that businessman is making jobs that might well have not been there, those persons employed will be paying taxes and National Insurance and he if that successful will be paying corporation tax all of which can and does fund the NHS.

Not everybody who is in business is and arse like this one depicted by the OP.

GaelicSiog · 26/04/2017 11:14

And this is why I never discuss politics in real life situations.

UrbanYokel · 26/04/2017 11:15

@nakedandconcerned don't worry about the sideline topics that have been bought up on this thread. This situation isn't really about politics or money, rather, friends who apparently perceive themselves as "better"/"more hardworking" etc. and are using politics/money to make their point. Personally if I were you I would distance myself from them, but tell them why in a diplomatic way. Their response to that will tell you everything you need to know.

The80sweregreat · 26/04/2017 11:17

A lot of business men do a lot of good things, granted, but this friend of the op's clearly isn't!

TheDevilMadeMeDoIt · 26/04/2017 11:43

This couple are not your friends. They were once, but now they're just people you know.
Friendship is about mutual like and respect, sharing interests, and sometimes because of or despite differences in opinions and views on things. You used to have that with them, you don't now - ergo they are not friends. The relationship started to morph out of friendship five years ago. Let their comments go and gently wave goodbye to them from your life.

NewPapaGuinea · 26/04/2017 11:53

This board is full of Harry Enfield characters lol "I am considerably richer than you"

floraeasy · 26/04/2017 11:56

Look at my wad Grin

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