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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To end 25 year old friendship over this comment

279 replies

nakedandconcerned · 25/04/2017 21:38

Dh and I were out with another couple at the weekend who we have been friends with for over 25 years (since me and the other woman were pregnant with out first).

Was a lovely evening until the end when they asked who we were voting for in the next election. Myself and dh both said labour. Other couple said they were voting Tory and said that they thought we were stupid to even consider voting for corbyn. Both myself and dh were a bit Hmm at that but I tried to explain I work for the NHS and I don't like what the current government are doing and dh is heavily involved in unions so feels his heart belongs to labour despite their current leader.

Now I should add that when we met current couple we were from similar social-economic backgrounds. Man from other couple owns a business and over the last 15 years it has taken off and they now earn a lot more than us. This has never been a problem in the past except a few occasions when they have chosen restaurants that are out of my and dh's price range.

Back to the evening they went on to tell us that the reason they were better off than us is because they work harder than we do, and that we have easy life's because we have no 'drive'. This is completely not true, I might be a lowly nurse but Im always signing up for new training, courses and promotions despite doing my training 30 years ago. I find the comment that they are better off than us because they work harder as incredibly offensive and dismissive of other people's struggles. It kind of escalated into a bit of an argument at this point as my dh was very offended. We then said our goodbyes and made a swift exit.

The man has a bit of form for making arseholey comments. Last year he got very drunk and told dh that he didn't understand how anyone could be poor 'if you don't have money then don't spend any'.

Aibu to not want to speak to either of them again. I feel very offended.

OP posts:
OCDmummy123 · 27/04/2017 22:14

Seriously these people are your friends?!????? They can't be if they make you feel like that. That is awful.

OCDmummy123 · 27/04/2017 22:16

You sound like such a nice decent couple, ignore their comments. You don't need to hear that crap. They are living in a dream world.

Ticketybootoo · 27/04/2017 22:18

I think their comments are unkind and reflect their ignorance. I think I would part company with them .
I have had a well paid job in the city and been a nurse in the NHS and people are shocked that I have done both of those things . I can absolutely tell you that the hardest work was done in A& E and not as a Msnagement Consultant - that is not because Management Consultants don't work hard - they absolutely do but not much compares with irregular shift work in A & E 'a where the pressure is relentless on everybody . I earnt a third of my Management Consultant salary doing the nursing and I was wrecked . These friends are not intelligent and have no right to make such awful judgements in you and your DH . Bin them and carry on having great values ...

OCDmummy123 · 27/04/2017 22:21

Generally, people like that who flaunt it don't actually have it - and are socially inadequate knob heads who just want to "fit in"

Hedgehogparty · 27/04/2017 22:28

I don't see how you can come back from this now you know what they really think of you both.
They think they are better than you- it's hardly the basis for a friendship

Areyoulocal · 27/04/2017 22:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dramaticpenguin · 27/04/2017 23:21

Ah so that's the thinking behind tory voting... I was wondering! Although mu father in law is like this, genuinely thinks he has worked harder than others which is why he's never been out of work or needed benefits, failing entirely to see his own privilege.

cherish123 · 27/04/2017 23:37

Does he read the Daily Mail. He is clearly not very bright. I would avoid him. Not sure about his wife. Could you meet her on her own?

angelfacecuti75 · 27/04/2017 23:53

I think they're outlook on life is very close minded. I absolutely hate talking about politics as its an argument you can never 'win' & ends up in years usually. So I avoid especially at work. I think it's a bit close minded again to think that 'if people don't have money why spend it?' . Your children need feeding and clothing and gearing and a roof over their head. I would keep my distance from now on. If they ask why say you were hurt by their comments which you felt were undeserved and felt extremely belittled by and you do a very important job that requires a unique set of skills thank you very much. You thought more of them and that they thought more of you, but you were mistaken. Might shut them up.

SmellyFartado · 27/04/2017 23:56

I'd have no qualms at all in ditching them as friends. Ghastly attitude to have.

Takes all sorts to make up an economy but they sound deeply unpleasant. Politics and (new) money very often brings out the worst in people.

reiki73 · 28/04/2017 00:04

They are fucking cheeky ignorant and arrogant bastards. Drop 'em. You are well shot. What a shitty thing to say. No wonder you were so pissed off and offended. Also worth bearing in mind that sometimes friendships just run their course. By the way, nurses do a brilliant job! No Way are you lowly. No way. Hold your heads up high and walk away my love. Blessings and love. 🙂

Blueink · 28/04/2017 01:42

OP it's not just one comment, it seems it's a whole way of life! Still, you've been friends a long time, speak to them about your concerns, minus party political lines, explain the impact on you, apparent lack of value and respect. Establish if the friendship can be salvaged.
Many other people work incredibly hard in jobs that fulfil an important role in society but don't pay well, for example teachers. Others are billionaires from inheriting shares in a tobacco company (in news this week).
You have no idea cdtaylornats!!! Far from being "paid for" the NHS is under threat of extinction, being dismantled piece by piece. Chronic underfunding is being met internally through radical service cuts and propped up by staff taking on more work for less pay and worsening conditions. As reported by the BBC this week a "combination of pay freezes and caps on pay rises since 2010 have effectively led to a 14% pay cut in real terms for nurses". Housing, heating, electricity, food, travel, toiletries, on clothes and shoes all need to be paid for. It is already difficult to recruit and the loss of student nurse bursary means over time the profession will not be replaced. Not to mention the impact of Brexit on bureaucratic expense, rising living costs and labour (small L Wink).
Ps letter today that child's school about to lose classroom support staff due to the forthcoming education cuts, so the short sightedness of this government is not only reserved for the NHS

wems86 · 28/04/2017 03:39

^
"they^ went on to tell us that the reason they were better off than us is because they work harder than we do"

This is some kind of mind fuckery and actually something that clearly some weirdos think!

A girl I met at antenatal classes told me she was lucky enough not to have worked for the last two years because her DH works soooo hard. WTF. Because of course my DP is a lazy twat which is why I'm slogging my guts out.

Get a grip!

Ditched her very quickly.

YANBU!!!

Honeychild54 · 28/04/2017 08:53

It sounds as those he has stepped on a lot of people and lacks empathy and intelligence. What a brute. Quite honestly, leave them to it. They probably believe their own misguided hyperbole. And being a nurse is a very hardworking career. You can't control your salary and the taxes you pay.

GloriaGilbert · 28/04/2017 08:57

Drop them like hot potatoes.

I doubt they have as much money as they lead people to believe.

eulmh · 28/04/2017 09:04

Being a nurse is a vocation. We'd be pretty lost without nurses and don't call yourself lowly. You're a very special kind of person to be a nurse. Being rich does not always mean having lots of money. You can still have a rich happy life with lots of friends without earning lots of money! They're rude and even if that's their opinion they really ought to keep their mouths shut. I would certainly back away!

CaliBoingo · 28/04/2017 09:42

I can't read all the comments here because I've only just discovered this thread, but I'm shaking from anger and have to put in my 2p. This is more than just "one comment" - to them, this type of abuse has become a lifestyle! Yes, dump them.

And bless you for being an NHS nurse.

GoLightlyHollie · 28/04/2017 10:06

If they made such comments but were Labour supporters would you be binning them? Or is it just because they are Tory voters?

SapphireStrange · 28/04/2017 10:14

Hollie, are you being deliberately obtuse?

The OP has said more than once she has friends who vote Tory and that she doesn't judge them for their political viewpoint. She's said clearly and repeatedly that it's not politics that's the issue but their attitude, specifically the comment that they are better off than her because they work harder.

Annahibiscuits · 28/04/2017 10:32

But hollie, Labour supporters wouldn't have made those comments. You wouldn't be a Labour Supporter if you thought like that Confused

SpangledShambles · 28/04/2017 23:22

Your valuable work as a nurse compared with being a self serving business person reminds me of the documentary I watched about 9/11 when the bankers running downstairs were so rightly awe inspired by the firemen running past them going upstairs. Their relative salaries versus the public service they each provide made me realise yet again how upside down our values are. Thank you for being a nurse- I've had my life saved by your profession.

Genius46 · 29/04/2017 12:48

Do not talk health, money, politics nor religion unless in a college course or writing a book. Stick to capabilities, interests or other news.

Conservatives support business, class, law, minimal goverment, monarchy, money or religion with similar attitudes.

Greens support animals, environment, fairness or nature with similar attitudes.

Labour support helping others, greater governmental support, international peace, selfhelp, unions, or workers with similar attitudes.

Liberals support honesty, different cultues/lifestyles, reliability, or whoever will keep them in power with similar attitudes.

Good living.

Deejoda · 29/04/2017 18:34

You are better off without them OP! And yes, as a fellow nhs worker, it grinds my gears when people mouth off about how the Tories have invested 'more than the NHS needs' when we all know in reality, they have been cutting investing year on year and setting it up to fail. So demoralising that so many of the public we serve have no idea voting for the Tories is yet more nails in the NHS (but many dont care I guess as they falsely believe they can afford private healthcare).

Deejoda · 29/04/2017 18:35

*in the NHS coffin

Tapandgo · 29/04/2017 19:42

Deejoda - anybody who wants to know, knows the Tories want to have a health service like the US - serving best those who can afford it. Lets hope, when we place our vote, that enough of us realise this jewel in our crown needs safeguarding for the next generation.