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AIBU?

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Original poster

To end 25 year old friendship over this comment

279 replies

nakedandconcerned · 25/04/2017 21:38

Dh and I were out with another couple at the weekend who we have been friends with for over 25 years (since me and the other woman were pregnant with out first).

Was a lovely evening until the end when they asked who we were voting for in the next election. Myself and dh both said labour. Other couple said they were voting Tory and said that they thought we were stupid to even consider voting for corbyn. Both myself and dh were a bit Hmm at that but I tried to explain I work for the NHS and I don't like what the current government are doing and dh is heavily involved in unions so feels his heart belongs to labour despite their current leader.

Now I should add that when we met current couple we were from similar social-economic backgrounds. Man from other couple owns a business and over the last 15 years it has taken off and they now earn a lot more than us. This has never been a problem in the past except a few occasions when they have chosen restaurants that are out of my and dh's price range.

Back to the evening they went on to tell us that the reason they were better off than us is because they work harder than we do, and that we have easy life's because we have no 'drive'. This is completely not true, I might be a lowly nurse but Im always signing up for new training, courses and promotions despite doing my training 30 years ago. I find the comment that they are better off than us because they work harder as incredibly offensive and dismissive of other people's struggles. It kind of escalated into a bit of an argument at this point as my dh was very offended. We then said our goodbyes and made a swift exit.

The man has a bit of form for making arseholey comments. Last year he got very drunk and told dh that he didn't understand how anyone could be poor 'if you don't have money then don't spend any'.

Aibu to not want to speak to either of them again. I feel very offended.

OP posts:
Kaybush · 26/04/2017 13:11

LuluJaky1 this says it all really.

badhotfanny · 26/04/2017 13:27

I came on to say that, like OP, I don't want a job that isn't a government job.

Shock, horror, some of us actually chose our government jobs, enjoy them and want to continue doing them, and are quite happy receiving our currently salaries for doing them.

What we don't want is to feel judged by other people for this, especially if we are in professions where these judgmental people may well need us and would probably prefer those whom they have contact with to be quite the hard worker.

Peregrina · 26/04/2017 15:33

Maybe what they were clumsily trying to say though was that nobody is forced to work on a government salary.

It's a good thing we aren't all so selfish. So no school teachers, no nurses, doctors or midwives, no police force, no armed services.

Muskey · 26/04/2017 15:43

you really are better off without them. Why would you wish to be friends with people who believe they are superior

Ilovewillow · 26/04/2017 15:50

I wouldn't de-friend someone over their politics but what they are talking about isn't political views but downright nasty and unpleasant! I would avoid over their comments they sound horrid!

kerstina · 26/04/2017 16:55

Wow your friends have huge egos or are narcissists where they feel they need to feel superior to other people . I do not want any friends like these. They don't sound intelligent either . Nurses are vital in society . I am sure life would go on without his business.
DP and I have always voted Labour but now we are older and he does not agree with renationalising companies he is saying he will vote Tory . I never imagined going out with a Tory never mind living with one but I am not cross about it but tease him. Some people enjoy debating politics but your friends sound rude ,dim and obnoxious!

bigbluebus · 26/04/2017 17:19

I don't think their attitude is compatable with continuing this 'friendship'. They clearly think they are now much better than you because they have more money. Money does not make a better person. Nothing short of a grovelling apology would persuade me to continue this friendship.

We have friends who have done well for themselves. Thankfully they do not have this attitude and would go out of their way to help someone less well off - and not in a patronising way either.

honeyharris · 27/04/2017 17:41

You're a nurse - a qualified person working in a graduate level profession. They are wankers.

Spoog1971xx · 27/04/2017 17:44

Yes. It is a line in the sand for me

olbndansmummy · 27/04/2017 17:47

Tell me to nob off duck, as a nurse you work terribly hard and if they think they work harder than you eff em and your personal political opinions are your own and based on your lives sod em be my friend instead!

Fairysnuff321 · 27/04/2017 17:48

YANBU they have shown they don't see you as friends, or have no idea how to be a friend. I would really want to explain to them exactly why I found their attitude so vile, I'd be tempted to write a letter, giving myself that me for calm reflection. Unlikely they will learn anything, but at least you get to put your view accross and give them a chance.
How sad that people are so awful .

anotherpoisonprince · 27/04/2017 17:51

YANBU.

LaContessaDiPlump · 27/04/2017 17:56

I must say I've noticed several my friends have this sort of attitude:

You should work harder OR
You should have chosen a more lucrative career OR
You should have worked harder at school so as to pass the exams which would enable you to choose a more lucrative career OR
Your parents should have got you a tutor.

Basically to them, SOMEONE got it wrong SOMEWHERE and that is where the blame lies for your current poverty. I strongly suspect which way they vote....

I hasten to say I don't agree with the list above!!

ittakes2 · 27/04/2017 17:59

Oh my goodness - I am so sorry. I am in awe of nurses - your drive, commitment - you do incredible jobs in difficult circumstances. To me money has nothing to do with anything. If your friends can't respect you and your views than unfortunately they are not good friends. Unless of course in the cold light of day they apologise and mean it.

Smudge100 · 27/04/2017 18:02

You put your finger on it: they think they are superior to you and they don't mind telling you. If you overlook it, they will simply return to the topic sooner or later and every evening out will deteriorate into a lecture on your moral failings. Do you need that? Surely you're not so short of friends that you need to tolerate such boorish behaviour! But these two soon will be, if that's how they carry on. Bin 'em double quick.

Maireadplastic · 27/04/2017 18:03

You are a nurse. You, of all people, do not need to justify how hard you work to anyone. They have no idea and, actually, maybe feel guilty in some far dusty part of their bodies that the value of their jobs can't come anywhere close to yours.

GrumpyOldBag · 27/04/2017 18:07

I was going to say you shouldn't defriend people just because their political views are different form yours. Or I'd have no friends!

Then I read the rest of your post. They are just arseholes, and I wouldn't be wanting to spend time with people like that.

shillwheeler · 27/04/2017 18:10

YANBU. Politics often best avoided - as it can get inflammatory - unless both sides are mature enough to agree to disagree. In current case, you didn't introduce the topic and your so-called friends acted like complete knob heads.

Sadly, I think there is more of this selfish neo-Darwinian crap around at the moment.

What people like that don't get is that it takes all sorts of people with all sorts of talents and skills to run the country, and we'd probably all be better off, in a multitude of ways, without the antics of certain high-earning bankers.

I suspect it's time to ask how this friendship nurtures you, and what it brings to you. My guess is not much, and that it's run its course. Put your energy into relationships that are more enriching, and mutual. Although, personally, I would be tempted to remind your "friend" that at some point her wellbeing, and even her life, could depend upon lowly public sector workers!

twoandahalftimesthree · 27/04/2017 18:12

Are you sure this wasn't actually a spitting image sketch from the 80s? The yuppy businessman telling a nurse that they're just not working hard enough...

theDudesmummy · 27/04/2017 18:12

We have ended a friendship with a couple over Brexit. It wasn't that they voted for it (although we are so much against and were surprised), it was that they said, when we asked why they did that, "it's the immigrants". One of them is an immigrant to the UK, as are my DH and stepdaughters!

Wornoutbear · 27/04/2017 18:14

I had a friend who has just pissed off a load of his own friends, but it's a different story. For years he voted Tory. Now he's ill, and he can't work, so is on benefits. He has posted on FB that anyone who votes Tory is trying to kill him, and he will delete them! No reasoned discussion, no thoughts of how these people have been his very good friends and supporters over the years - just a horrible post telling his friends to fuck off. Sorry that's a bit of a thread hijack!

NoYouDontKnowItAll · 27/04/2017 18:25

it was that they said, when we asked why they did that, "it's the immigrants". One of them is an immigrant to the UK, as are my DH and stepdaughters!

My ex-h is Moroccan and he has a group of Moroccan friends in London who are always complaining about Polish immigrants. Ironic

For years he voted Tory. Now he's ill, and he can't work, so is on benefits. He has posted on FB that anyone who votes Tory is trying to kill him, and he will delete them

Don't get me wrong I don't wish anyone ill, but I've always said be careful what you vote for (eg people voting Tory because they think the welfare state is too generous etc) because it could be you needing it one day, as is what has happened here

MsJudgemental · 27/04/2017 18:27

Get rid. But how come you didn't notice their views over the last 25 years? Have politics never come up before? Confused

ScarlettSahara · 27/04/2017 18:27

It is so sad to give up on such a long-standing friendship but I would be feeling the same way as you.
I would not attribute those attitudes to all Tory voters - I think there are those with narrow perspective from all political persuasions but these people have shown no respect in their attitude and a complete lack of empathy/ imagination.
Your job is a vocation and you know that - what a shame they don't seem to acknowledge that & that they appear to think that money is the ultimate goal.
It must hurt to realise this is how they feel. If you sense this comes from both of them I would step away. Flowers

AlexRose5 · 27/04/2017 18:31

Sounds like they've gotten too big for their boots! Passing shitty remarks like those is disrespectful of them to say the least . I imagine even if they've not said such things to your FACE before, it's probably the regular convo between them when you're not around . Comparing lives. It's really pathetic of them and not something any REAL friend would do . Also they'd wanna be careful how the treat people on their way up the financial ladder! Bubbles burst... businesses run into trouble .... They'll find themselves in a very lonely spot one day after looking down on friends like that . Good riddance I say!