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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To end 25 year old friendship over this comment

279 replies

nakedandconcerned · 25/04/2017 21:38

Dh and I were out with another couple at the weekend who we have been friends with for over 25 years (since me and the other woman were pregnant with out first).

Was a lovely evening until the end when they asked who we were voting for in the next election. Myself and dh both said labour. Other couple said they were voting Tory and said that they thought we were stupid to even consider voting for corbyn. Both myself and dh were a bit Hmm at that but I tried to explain I work for the NHS and I don't like what the current government are doing and dh is heavily involved in unions so feels his heart belongs to labour despite their current leader.

Now I should add that when we met current couple we were from similar social-economic backgrounds. Man from other couple owns a business and over the last 15 years it has taken off and they now earn a lot more than us. This has never been a problem in the past except a few occasions when they have chosen restaurants that are out of my and dh's price range.

Back to the evening they went on to tell us that the reason they were better off than us is because they work harder than we do, and that we have easy life's because we have no 'drive'. This is completely not true, I might be a lowly nurse but Im always signing up for new training, courses and promotions despite doing my training 30 years ago. I find the comment that they are better off than us because they work harder as incredibly offensive and dismissive of other people's struggles. It kind of escalated into a bit of an argument at this point as my dh was very offended. We then said our goodbyes and made a swift exit.

The man has a bit of form for making arseholey comments. Last year he got very drunk and told dh that he didn't understand how anyone could be poor 'if you don't have money then don't spend any'.

Aibu to not want to speak to either of them again. I feel very offended.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 25/04/2017 23:36

I have friends who are Tories and although I don't agree with their politics, they have shown themselves to be caring and empathetic people.

These two aren't. They also sound a bit thick.

People forget that people have hard work, THEN they also have priviledge. .

Freyanna · 25/04/2017 23:46

My goodness, these people are utterly conceited and so rude!

I would drop them.

MammaTJ · 25/04/2017 23:56

Not read anything but the OP but.......

They said they work harder than a nurse in the NHS!!!

They........really........ said.......this.......?

They actually, really believe this?

They need ditching because of their stupidity!

You are much smarter than them, so dump them because of that.

Lweji · 26/04/2017 00:04

They said they work harder than a nurse in the NHS!!!

Yes, what a gem!

I'd accept an apology, but wouldn't be calling them or being particularly friendly ever again without one. Even so, I'm not sure I could ever go back to the same level of friendship.

Wedrine4me · 26/04/2017 00:05

Hmmm. With friends like these who needs enemies?

They've got a bit above themselves haven't they.

SlothMama · 26/04/2017 00:07

They are absolute nobs, without Nurses the NHS would crumble! I'd rather they get a payrise than some jumped up idiot. Don't they realise that Nurses are probably the most hard working people?

GraceGrape · 26/04/2017 00:25

The wealthy business types would have nobody to look after them or teach their children if there weren't people that choose to work in the NHS or in education.

Generally, NHS workers and teachers are not doing that because they can't do anything else, it's because they have chosen to do a job that they feel will make some difference.

I have a First from a Russell Group university. I chose to become a teacher when there were other, better-paid, options available to me. My friends from uni went off to do a whole host of different jobs. We have all worked hard and are all on varying salaries.

I do have some very wealthy friends who own their own businesses. They had about 5 years of working very hard to build them up . Now, they both work part-time and still earn 5 or 6 times more than DH and I on our teaching salaries. I get the definite impression that they think they work harder than we do so deserve the money more.

Shiraznowplease · 26/04/2017 00:31

Nurses rock and a midwife saved me and my baby from a blatantly incompetent doctor. You need both intelligence and stamina as well as caring and empathy skills to do your job... don't ever say a lowly nurse

Disclaimer ..I am not a nurse

Giraffey1 · 26/04/2017 00:36

That's shocking! I find it really sad that people who profess to be friends can't see beyond politics in discussions like this. To say that you don't work hard enough?! That's just vile. Who needs friends like that?

BuggersMuddle · 26/04/2017 01:13

It's not really about voting Conservative or Labour though is it? It's about your 'friend' repeatedly being an ill-mannered, disrespectful person about your contribution to society and how you've achieved your lifestyle.

I'm fairly centrist and think your friend is rude. Nursing was a reasonable choice 25 years ago. Right now I think they are asking too much (qualifications, hours) and paying too little. I get why they still get 18 year olds, but am perplexed by the number of late entrants to be honest given the pay and conditions.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 26/04/2017 01:54

They are total arseholes. Bin 'em off and don't look back. They fall firmly into the "I'm all right Jack sod the rest of you" camp of Tory voters, and they'll stay like that until something goes wrong for them, when they'll bitch and moan about it like good'uns.
not hoping that happens to them at all, OH no, I wouldn't do that...

FeralBeryl · 26/04/2017 01:58

This has nothing to do with politics and everything to do with the fact that these people are now cunts.
Maybe they weren't. But they are now. They look down on you. Drop them, you're worth far more Flowers

ilovechoc1987 · 26/04/2017 02:14

Please don't blame this on the fact they're voting Tory.
Il be voting Tory but I don't have their attitude, neither does anyone I know who's also voting Tory.

Bin them, they sound vile.

LuluJakey1 · 26/04/2017 02:28

I think people are wrong if they really think this has nothing to do with politics. It is an attitude that fits entirely with a Conservative Party voter- see my previous post. I am not saying you don't get some people who are idiots who vote Labour or SDP but this socially superior, sneering attitude about other people's struggles and crass comments about poverty and 'we work harder than nurses' attitude is entirely an attitude that fits with a certain type of Tory voter- not all Tory voters.

MangosteenSoda · 26/04/2017 03:09

Definitely bin them!

If they ever ask why, let them know that you don't need to be friends with people who clearly look down on you. It's not their politics (maybe a bit!) but their sense of superiority.

pinkiponk · 26/04/2017 05:39

I think it's interesting on this thread how people are saying conservative voters look down their nose at people and are more likely to make snide comments.
On this thread the people making snide comments and looking down their noses at anyone are the labour voters, being demeaning about conservative voters.

I do feel that people who are voting lib dem and labour look down their nose at me.
I am from a working class back ground (well my mum was an alcohol so the 'working' part is a misnomer), and I remain working class (armed forces). I don't look down my nose at anybody.
I know labour voters who are lovely (my best friend), and I know labour voters who are judgemental and awful. Likewise I know some great people who are voting conservative and some who are twats.
People have got political allegiances for wildly different reasons, it's not quite as binary and simply as some are making out.

derxa · 26/04/2017 06:17

party political propaganda

elgatoderisa · 26/04/2017 06:29

Hmm Are you sure they actually said, "We work harder than you?" Really OP?
Or was it more the case that when they said they were voting Tory, it got your back up and you've made a load of presumptions about their attitudes based on that?
Are you a bit jealous of their financial success and are reading more into this than was actually said? They could have just said something like, "We feel a Tory government better facilitates small businesses and people like us can succeed if you put the hours in". That's not the same as saying, "We work harder than you" which would be extremely rude and an odd thing to say to friends Hmm

Lweji · 26/04/2017 06:39

elgatoderisa

Yes, why don't you explain to the OP what really happened, since you were there.
Were you? Are you her friend? Wink

ivegotdreadfulpmttoday · 26/04/2017 06:40

Can't find previous post now but do nurses really not get sick pay? I am deeply shocked.

jennielou75 · 26/04/2017 06:42

Is it just me or do they sound like real life versions of the loadsamoney character? 'We work much harder than YOU.' 'We have much more money than YOU,'. All they need is a wodge of cash to wave and they are there!

LaContessaDiPlump · 26/04/2017 06:46

Why not take the opportunity to see the world from a different perspective?

If that different perspective is 'People less well-off than me are clearly not trying' (as op's friends seem to be saying), then no thanks, I'm happy with the perspective I've got right now.

Bananamanfan · 26/04/2017 06:48

I've heard quite a few wealthy people say "well, i work very hard"-as if they actually believe there is a correlation.
Some things are more important anyway. Ditch them!

AlternativeTentacle · 26/04/2017 06:53

www.monbiot.com/2011/11/07/the-self-attribution-fallacy/

Tory dickheads.

UrbanYokel · 26/04/2017 07:04

Sorry to hear this, it's horrible when once good friends change for the worse.
Can you just keep them at arms length? 25 years is a long time, it's a shame but if they are being rude to you then maybe it's time to say goodbye? Only you can make that call.
I am a lot wealthier than I was a few years ago, but I would never ever lord it over anyone or suggest they didn't work hard enough etc. what bollocks. I wonder what your friends are trying to prove by their comments? Are they trying to make themselves feel better?
I always say, every time someone opens their mouth, they are telling you something about themselves (i.e. Their comments aren't really about you).
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