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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To end 25 year old friendship over this comment

279 replies

nakedandconcerned · 25/04/2017 21:38

Dh and I were out with another couple at the weekend who we have been friends with for over 25 years (since me and the other woman were pregnant with out first).

Was a lovely evening until the end when they asked who we were voting for in the next election. Myself and dh both said labour. Other couple said they were voting Tory and said that they thought we were stupid to even consider voting for corbyn. Both myself and dh were a bit Hmm at that but I tried to explain I work for the NHS and I don't like what the current government are doing and dh is heavily involved in unions so feels his heart belongs to labour despite their current leader.

Now I should add that when we met current couple we were from similar social-economic backgrounds. Man from other couple owns a business and over the last 15 years it has taken off and they now earn a lot more than us. This has never been a problem in the past except a few occasions when they have chosen restaurants that are out of my and dh's price range.

Back to the evening they went on to tell us that the reason they were better off than us is because they work harder than we do, and that we have easy life's because we have no 'drive'. This is completely not true, I might be a lowly nurse but Im always signing up for new training, courses and promotions despite doing my training 30 years ago. I find the comment that they are better off than us because they work harder as incredibly offensive and dismissive of other people's struggles. It kind of escalated into a bit of an argument at this point as my dh was very offended. We then said our goodbyes and made a swift exit.

The man has a bit of form for making arseholey comments. Last year he got very drunk and told dh that he didn't understand how anyone could be poor 'if you don't have money then don't spend any'.

Aibu to not want to speak to either of them again. I feel very offended.

OP posts:
Goldfishjane · 25/04/2017 22:30

This isn't about politics
It's about people being horrible
And nurses are brilliant and drastically underpaid
If he'd said you were lazy in front of me, I'd have given him a right ear bashing.

Highfivethatfart · 25/04/2017 22:32

I believe that we have different friendships for different times of our lives and I think that after 25 years this one has perhaps run it's course and life has taken you in different directions and thoughts. I wouldn't do or say anything, just wait and see if they make contact and see how you feel at that moment in time - regardless of politics they don't seem to have much respect for your chosen profession and career and for that alone I would consider them no longer a friend.

elevenclips · 25/04/2017 22:38

All of you were BU

They were unreasonable first by asking who you were voting for

And you were also unreasonable by telling them the answer

It's a secret ballot for a reason! How many times have you heard that you should not talk politics with friends?

If someone is rude enough to ask me who I'm voting for then I say I haven't decided, even if I have. Unless that person is a doorstepper in which case I tell them that me and dh will both vote for their party. In order to make them fucking go away!

Pretty unfortunate if you chuck away a 25 year friendship over politics (which I might add is all lies anyway!).

HeatherWahlquist · 25/04/2017 22:40

It could be worse -You could be talking about Trump.

But, most importantly...I can't imagine that it shocked you. It's not about what they said, but, that they said it. It's a glimpse into the mind of someone's true nature.

You've never suspected the flaw before? I bet you have -just confirmed, now.

Solution: Life is too long to not have a little fun. Think...Think real hard what money can't buy, correlated to what they "don't have time to do since they work so hard", then, perfect it for yourself.

Showtime! Win.

Peregrina · 25/04/2017 22:42

Pretty unfortunate if you chuck away a 25 year friendship over politics (which I might add is all lies anyway!).

It's not just the politics - it's the rudeness in suggesting that OP & her DH haven't made as much money because they don't work hard. I wonder what the business is, and how much contribution it makes to the good of society? They clearly feel a cut above you, so let them find some moneyed 'friends' who are more to their current taste.

agentmarmalade · 25/04/2017 22:46

Id be offended by their remarks too. Apart from, in my view, politics shouldn't matter between friends, they have shown they don't respect you as people.
I think youll be better off concentration on other friends who show you respect and kindness than these snobby gits. You'll be fine without them in your life.

Solo · 25/04/2017 22:47

Make sure you tuck your arms in OP, you don't want to inadvertently catch them on their way back down.

PreemptiveSalvageEngineer · 25/04/2017 22:48

Number 5:
www.cracked.com/blog/6-things-rich-people-need-to-stop-saying/

228agreenend · 25/04/2017 22:49

Initially, I thought you were being silly to end a friendship over a differing political viewpoint.

However, the comments about working hard and having no drive are disparaging and condescending. I can understand why you are peeved at this.

Jaxhog · 25/04/2017 22:55

You've just learned a major lesson in friendship. NEVER discuss politics unless you are robust enough to not let it affect the friendship.

It's a sad day when you can take offense at a single comment that doesn't fit with your own view of the world. You have no idea whether they work harder than you, any more than they have whether you do. They aren't vile people. They just have a different view, that's all. Why not take the opportunity to see the world from a different perspective? Who knows, you might even change theirs too.

Italiangreyhound · 25/04/2017 22:56

nakedandconcerned it's your call, I would wait and see what they were like next time you have contact. If they were sheepish or apologetic I would be fine, we all loose it sometimes. But if they kept this up I would not want to be talked to like that.

My parents were friends with a couple for decades and sadly the friendship fell apart when the other man was very rude about my mum.

Sometimes you cannot get beyond mean comments.

Bunnyfuller · 25/04/2017 22:57

Just shows exactly what the Tories are about! Why are they voting Tory? Because they know the Tories will look after them and they don't give a fuck for anyone else. The 'it's mine, I worked for it' mindset. Like someone working 16 HR days minimum wage isn't working for it. You've outgrown this pair up their own arses.

Original poster
nakedandconcerned · 25/04/2017 23:00

jax I have never once in this thread said they don't work hard. They said myself and dh are the ones who don't work as hard as them...

Why should I try and work at changing their opinion? I made no personal comments to them.

OP posts:
scaryclown · 25/04/2017 23:02

Even with very nice friends, i find that 3 to 6 months after a particularly vile boast something happens to their business or job, so don't sweat it. Just be prepared to say something like 'well if it were my business i"d have been investing better, you really shouldn't leave yourself open' or ' the NHS are recruiting, perhaps you could retrain into something more sensible'

Etaina · 25/04/2017 23:05

It's horrible when this sort of thing happens. You think you know people and that there is mutual respect and then they say something that changes everything. Dh is a nurse and he was good friends for years with a doctor and his wife (they didn't work together). The friend injured himself skiing and was complaining to Dh and Dh said 'well at least you get sick pay, I don't get anything' and he replied 'well that's because you've got a shit job'. I was shocked and upset and realised that they'd probably always looked down on us and the only reason they were friends with us was probably to make themselves feel superior.

I don't think there is any way back from the comments they made to you and, frankly, why would an intelligent professional like you want to mix with people who hold such utterly ridiculous views. They sound vile.

LuluJakey1 · 25/04/2017 23:05

This is how the Tories get so many voters. Ordinary people who earn a bit of money and suddenly think they are different, better, harder working, entitled to more and more so they start voting Tory thinking it will protect them and mean they are no longer working class or like the working classes. They fail to recognise the Tories could not give a toss about anyone but the very wealthy and that the Tories look down their noses at the aspirant upper working classes. They are only interested in creating a society that promotes the very wealthy and ensures that anything that is a public service costs as little as possible, or even better is privatised so their wealthy Tory mates can make money stripping profit from it at the expense of quality and standards for the people who need the service.

GrimDamnFanjo · 25/04/2017 23:08

It's not their politics per se but their cuntish behaviour. Bin them.

fuckwitery · 25/04/2017 23:09

They are quite clearly utter twats. However, playing devils advocate you have twice now said their business "took off" which rather implies they were a bit passive its success. Are you sure you haven't intimated that to them and they have taken offence or thought you thought they didn't deserve their success in some way?

Probably not and they are twats as first presumed. Just a thought. As you were.

NoMudNoLotus · 25/04/2017 23:12

OP your comment at 22.01 is so spot on.

I really don't think the general public have grasped how critical the situation is within the NHS now.

I'm a deputy ward Manager and actually stood with our ward Consultant the other day both of us having silent tears together, because we felt so incredibly overstretched, under resourced, unsupported and didn't know where to turn to prevent harm coming to our patients.

For the third time that week I got home hours late to my husband & 2 children who were all upset I was so late.

Sorry to derail , but like you I think it's so important that people understand.

Original poster
nakedandconcerned · 25/04/2017 23:19

fuck not at all. I have always described them as hardworking.

nomud you're right. The majority of the public have no idea how desperate it is right now.

OP posts:
Bejazzled · 25/04/2017 23:20

nomud
Same situation here in Scotland, but we don't have Tories to blame.

twattymctwatterson · 25/04/2017 23:20

I thought your OP was literally about how you were thinking of dropping them for voting Tory which would be a bit harsh (I would though Grin)

honeyroar · 25/04/2017 23:20

Ive got many friends that vote differently to me or have different opinions on things. Sometimes I just have to bite my tongue because there are other things that are great about them. But that's a different kettle of fish from someone who insults and criticises you - they're not friends at all.

Beeziekn33ze · 25/04/2017 23:23

They're not nice, you so don't need to see them!

HelpTheTigers · 25/04/2017 23:28

Not sure how they have any friends at all! I would avoid them like the plague.

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