To think teachers should not puts hands on children

[Mousedl1]

So I went on a school trip today with my DS class as they needed volunteers. Lunch was outside sat on a field DS was asked to sit down twice by the class room helper, for back round other children were up and playing he was being his usual slow self. He classroom helper then grabbed him by the shoulders and literally forced him to sit down, he didn't say anything and just sat bewildered and looked at me as he has never been shoved to do something at home.
I was very angry but as a school trip said nothing, another mum saw I was annoyed and commented that helper can often be 'forceful' with children. I am now home and furious and I think even more so that my son accepted it which with the other comment makes me think this may not be the first time. He isn't a nasty child but can get silly and giggly (is 6) but I don't think this is appropriate from an adult, then 10 mins later another child punched someone in the face and she had to hold a hand for 5 mins 😤 So she was punished less for that in my opinion then him standing to eat his food. Is it unreasonable to go into school and tell them in no uncertain terms no body has the right to do this or is it best to leave it like my husband says as it will cause problems for my son long term (the helper moves up with the class each year so he has her for 1 more)

The school also doesn't allow your own children to be in you 'group' on trips as they said it's conflicts discipline for them so we had gotten together for lunch but MyVoucherCodes dS wasn't part of my charge for those reasons

If you feel the TA used excessive force, speak to the Head. If the Head is unhelpful, write to the Chair of Governors.

Don't worry too much about the whiners on the thread - you were there and they were not. Sometimes teachers do need to use physical force (if a kid is attacking another kid, for example) and school policies usually accept the necessity but are very firm on making sure that any force used is reasonable and proportionate.

Oo! I've got this!
I was a teacher and TA and I've been the parent helper numerous times and DS was notoriously naughty at that age.
I never physically 'sat down' a child, and would have pulled up a TA for doing so. However even naughty DS would have complied on the first asking when I was assisting on a trip with a look or word from me.
So yes, YANBU to be livid about what happened but I would up the standards you expect from him.

Yes Worra but things have changed. I had a teacher who would hold me up by one arm and stand on my toes whilst asking me what my name was etc. Another teacher hit me with a book for no apparent reason, well actually the reason was that I didn't know the answer to something.

Fun times

Can you imagine if I did that? Bye bye job.

I have been on school trips with my DS.

If I saw my DS been told twice to sit down and ignoring the TA I would shout across the field/ room where ever you were..Listen to to TA and sit your bottom down.

You have such a bizairre way of parenting..In your opinion your DS was shoved down for not listening and you have punished him when he got home.

I don't punish my DS at home for behaviour in school I instead support the school to deal with it.

If your kid had done as he was told, then there wouldn't be an issue would there?

So in your eyes if a child doesn't listen physical force is acceptable to enforce that- not in my world and never will be

Oh give over.
You bollocked him at home but didn't say anything at the time that the TA was shoving him?

Are you referring to her as a 'classroom helper' to try and dumb her down a bit? What exactly is a classroom helper? That sounds like a voluntary position to me.

I might of worded the title wrong I meant put there hands on them to force him down rather than touch him as I understand there are times when contact is important and much needed

Hmm. If it was to force him down then YNBU, but if it was to gently steer him in to 'sit down please' then yes YABU.

DS has SNs, despite us walking the exact same route every evening, for two years I still have to point ahead to which way is next and guide him / nudge him that way down 'Pixie road' as he's off the flighty / impulsive type. Like lady week for instance when we were all ambling home and he was playing with his sister and out of nowhere he decided to bolt into the road. Of course I grabbed him! If they were on a school trip I'd have expected the teacher to have done the same as me!

I know you said you were dealing with another child at the time but why didnt you raise your concerns about this asap? To be honest your title does sound misleading. It reads like the teacher belted him one. To me anyway.

YABU. Your DS was asked more than once to sit down; he didn't obey so she made him. Not sure why you didn't intervene earlier if you were aware that he wasn't doing as he was told.

Perhaps focus your energy on encouraging your child to follow simple instructions.

Physical force? That implies use of brute strength.
If he was literally shoved by an adult who was using all their strength to get him off his feet then that sounds akin to assault.
But I've said before (and you ignored me) that I bet he wasn't.
Maybe the poor TA had spoke to him about his behaviour multiple times and just wanted him to bloody sit down when asked?

Agree with the people who say he should be doing what he is told. My DS was able to sit down properly when told by about 18 months old. By 6 he should be able to respond to an instruction given by an adult.
Trips are enough of a nightmare as it is without kids messing about. I would have shouted over myself to my DS if he was behaving that way.

So in your eyes if a child doesn't listen physical force is acceptable to enforce that

Well that depends doesn't it? Me choosing not to use force last week would have meant my DS would have got hit by a tonne of metal.

Starlight, as a child I was at schools my parents taught in sometimes. It was made very clear to us that you treated each other as just another student/just another teacher. I aim to apply the same professional standards as a helper even if an unpaid one. You're not there to keep your own kid in line, you're there to do what the teacher asks you to. You wouldn't be helping anyone with your yelling across the field, it would just be disruptive.

Another one here who thinks if you were near enough to hear him being told twice you were near enough for your son to hear you tell him to listen to the TA and sit down.
But since you didn't it very much depends on whether the ta put her hands on your ds's shoulders to reinforce the message or whether she pushed hard while he resisted. If it was the latter then I would raise it with the school and maybe see if the other mum is willing to support you in raising it.
I also agree with the pp that it seems excessive that you disciplined your son at home for the incident. I wouldn't discipline at home for behaviour in school unless it was very severe. Although the bit about telling him off and disciplining him for failing to follow instructions was a bit of a dripfeed after posters had criticised you not intervening so....

*last week not lady.

But in your world you left the situation of this force, went home and are now working it through. So it wasn't at the time so significant you felt it needed your imediate attention.

If the force was extreme I would have dealt with it at the time, when the aunt came back from the toilet. Caught the teacher/head/ safeguarding lead at the end of the day, left a message for them to call me, phoned in as soon as I got home.

Get a bloody grip. She steered him into a seat because he wasn't doing as he was told.. she didn't punch him in the head...

You are acting as if the adult kicked his legs from under him and kneed him to the ground.

'Force' would not have been needed if he had sat as soon as the adult pressed on his shoulders. But seriously - how much 'force' do you think was used? Was he hurt? Bruised? Strained?

If he was then of course you need to make a complaint. But if the adult simply put some pressure on his shoulders to persuade him to sit down then I think you are overreacting.

(And it's a DBS check. If you've got one you really should know what it's called)

No apology on the 'SN child' front, OP?

It's sounding like the whole trip is a shambles tbh.

He was being his "usual slow self"? By being told twice to sit down and still not doing it... .

If you were there, why did you not intervene??

Eve

It was me that typed DRB. I do it ALL the bloody time sorry. It's because old CRB, new DBS and DRB being the referral for a regualar currespkndent of mine

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