To be batshit cross that my dc has had to sign a contract saying he will play with a child at school?

[GibbonMinstrel]

There's a long history.

My ds is shy, geeky. Knows what he likes -very academic/not great socially There's a bulldozer child who is his opposite. Alpha mum, jazz hands, sporty, darling-darling who is related to a staff member.

This other child has worked his way through his class bullying kids, controlling stuff and really wrecking friendships. My ds just doesn't get on with this kind of person. He reads during a lot of breaks (TA is a friend and has told me) and the other child has been taking,kicking and removing his books. It all came to a head last Friday when my DS reacted and screamed and the child to leave him alone and walked away.

The other kid went into meltdown- involved the headteacher (yes really) and between them they decided the best solution would be to contractually oblige my kid(nobody else's) to play for three set days with him.

Dh drafted up a contract yesterday for the HT to come to every single weekend BBQ over the summer and asked her to sign it and he was told not to be so ridiculous (hmm really)

The contract was enforced today and I've just collected DS from school in bits saying he doesn't want to go back.

Is this completely batshit or have I entered a twilight zone.

Sorry to be so ranty. I'm so cross!

Nope - you're totally right and it's batshit!

Btw I love your DH style with the BBQ contract. Brilliant way to show them what they are doing - shame they aren't listening.

I also think you e done brilliantly emailing to say because of this and the fact they aren't listening you are removing him tomorrow.

My ds was having problems with a lad and his old school suggestion was to move him

I wouldn't go in too strong on the favouritism thing, it's hard to prove. He is a bully and that's what needs to be addressed. I think you should check out if there are other parents prepared to put their heads above the parapet.

I've never heard of anything like this, it's absolutely ridiculous. They have no right to do this. Get down there and sort it out. What an awful, stupid, unnecessary situation.

when you email, you need to include words such as failing to safeguard your ds against intimidation and violence.

that it is not acceptable for the child to repeatedly take his stuff and throw it.

that he is not going to be in school until they have agreed a plan with you to ensure the safety of your child.

Raise this as a safeguarding concern. One of the governors will have a special responsibility for safeguarding, you can address it directly to them.

Well the bbq contract isn't the issue but it has distracted from getting the issue at hand sorted out. You met with the head and still your child has been forced to play with this boy so clearly you didn't get the outcome you wanted from the meeting. Basically take the piss out of the head when you needed to be taken seriously and lines of communication to be open was an extremely bad idea.
I would strongly recommend you follow the official complaints procedure now rather than going straight to the governors/Ofsted whoever else is suggested on here as you will only be referred back to the policy if you don't.

Check your counties peer on peer abuse policy. That will be a great reference for you.

https://www.safeguardinginschools.co.uk/new-ofsted-inspecting-safeguarding-guidance-2016/

That is utterly ridiculous. Just tell them they are being ridiculous.

Focus on your key points in any discussion:

• your son is bullied ie lack of safe guarding
• the contract sends wrong message to both bully and victim
• your son needs assurances from adults at school that he will be safe from physical and emotional harm whilsf in their care.

Don't focus on "favouritsm" or bad mouthing the other child. Focus on your child only. Keep your key points at the forefront of your discussions.

How ridiculous. If you get nowhere, I would definitely threaten or even send a solicitor's letter. Your poor boy.

Yes to follow the complaints procedure, keep it all in writing and date all incidents with bully. Build a log and draw from the inclusion and behavioural policy that the scho has (they clearly cant argue against their own set policies so make sure that you quote and paraphrase them accordingly.
Don't take the piss out of the head. You need fo show them that you are serious, measured, in the right and that you will take this matter as far as you have to in order to resolve it in your ds best interest.

Holy shit, that is some messed up crap. HT is loco

Lndnmummy
Exactly what you said. And it needs to be in writing so even if the meeting is face to face and its agreed verbally make sure you take notes/ minutes and send them a letter with what you understand are the conclusions and plan going forward

Thats ridiculous. I'd be fuming too. Your poor son having to put up with that.

It's unenforcable. A child is not legally capable of signing a contract - that's why they can't get a credit card for example.

If someone tries to enforce an unenforcible contract on you or your family, do the same thing in return. Send the school (or whoever) your very own bullshit contract, one that states that they will pay you £100 per day for looking after your child, and that they agree the charges are legally binding against individual teachers as well as the school.

Adding another voice to pursuing the 'safeguarding' conversation with school. You need to speak to the safeguarding Governor or the Chair of Governors, you need to get a complaint form and clearly and articulately get across the occurrences and events - NOT including any gossip or rumour or information you got from your TA friend at school (which is breach of confidentiality) and why this situation is unfair and what you expect them to do about it.
If they cannot adequately protect your son and keep him safe at school then you should withdraw him.

Thanks
Great advice on here

Glad I posted.

This: Don't mention the TA friend at all.

That is just about the most batshit crazy anti- bullying policy I have ever heard of.

Pushing the victim and the perpetrator together is hardly safeguarding the victim. Nor is it punishment for the perpetrator, who seems to be getting away scot free at the moment.

I think you are going about this in the best way possible. Keep it factual and in writing. Get meeting arranged, keep DS at home for the next couple of days while you sort it all out if you are more comfortable doing that. To be honest, keeping him off will probably help force a quicker reaction from the school because along with any official complaint you may consider making, it will impact on their attendance figures to Ofsted.

Tell the HT you will be sending her a list of the people she has to treat as her friends. Tell your son to play with whoever he chooses to.

This made me so angry I couldn't even read all of the thread before wanting to post my support. I was that reading child (still am). The school's being abusive, frankly. I'll calm down and read it all soon, but I can see you've been given good advice and basically THE WHOLE OF MUMSNET IS ON YOUR SIDE! God, I'm furious.

Your poor son. I can't believe the school think this is a good idea!

I have to add, it is one of those things that is just so batshit that you really couldn't make it up.

I suspect the Daily Fail will home in on it, and just for once, they may have a point.