To be batshit cross that my dc has had to sign a contract saying he will play with a child at school?

[GibbonMinstrel]

There's a long history.

My ds is shy, geeky. Knows what he likes -very academic/not great socially There's a bulldozer child who is his opposite. Alpha mum, jazz hands, sporty, darling-darling who is related to a staff member.

This other child has worked his way through his class bullying kids, controlling stuff and really wrecking friendships. My ds just doesn't get on with this kind of person. He reads during a lot of breaks (TA is a friend and has told me) and the other child has been taking,kicking and removing his books. It all came to a head last Friday when my DS reacted and screamed and the child to leave him alone and walked away.

The other kid went into meltdown- involved the headteacher (yes really) and between them they decided the best solution would be to contractually oblige my kid(nobody else's) to play for three set days with him.

Dh drafted up a contract yesterday for the HT to come to every single weekend BBQ over the summer and asked her to sign it and he was told not to be so ridiculous (hmm really)

The contract was enforced today and I've just collected DS from school in bits saying he doesn't want to go back.

Is this completely batshit or have I entered a twilight zone.

Sorry to be so ranty. I'm so cross!

Just realised one of my posts yesterday doesn't seem to have posted.

Was just going to say to find out how many other children have had to sign a contract to force them to play with anybody else and of those how many had to sign to play with their tormentor?

Also, do you remember the consent for sex is like a cup of tea/slice of cake/£5 note/etc memes doing the rounds on facebook etc a while back? They are equally valid (with minimal tweaks to the wording) as consent to play with other people in the playground. If the ht doesn't get that, while A can ask B to play, B has the absolute right to say No but instead tells B off and says that B is contractually obliged to play with A 3 times a week, then she is setting her pupils up for huge screwups around consent as they get older - and it won't just be for playing with bullies but for being raped or becoming a rapist, for becoming the victim of domestic abuse or dishing it out, and so on. She should be undertaking to running sessions in school (well not her personally, she needs to be taught too!) to make it crystal clear that no means no.

Argh pressed post too soon.

I would also be telling the HT that you are still undecided as to whether or not you are going to involve the police with regard to the bullying, so to ensure none of the evidence is lost or tampered with. It doesn't matter if you really do want to involve the police or not, they just need to think you do and the ht, the bully and the bully's mum can all experience a little stress of their own as they stew as they wait, wondering what will happen to them for a change...

It's great to hear that they agree with your son's account of the facts. Makes their approach all the more batshit. Hopefully you have sent a suitably PA cutting summary of your meeting with them - if only you could send virtual frazzles packets with it!

Deregging after the SATs sounds an excellent move.

So glad your ds has such an awesome mum to stand up for him!

This is one of the craziest things I've read here, and that's saying something.

Good on you OP for following this through. The HT needs to lose her job for this and for being so afraid of a child/bully that she thinks bullying another child (your DC) is okay. What a loony bitch!

Just another one here saying "Wtf" and good for you for challenging it and standing up for your DS.

All the best going forward!

OP, you rock!

Its all very strange.

Well done OP for supporting son so resolutely in this issue and his interests - great idea to use the time off to do a defacto take your son to work day (his skills are recognised and he gets wages), then a day out that's both fun and educational.

It's so concerning in general that insidious bullying is swept under the carpet, ignored by staff until there's an incident/report and then so often the bully is given the benefit of the doubt, pandered to and reinforced. I second the poster who explained this happens in incidents where teachers are the target too. however, this contract is something else. Really does seem DS was being punished for the bullying and a completely proportionate reaction (school seems to have said there is no doubt about DS's version of events) and a 'solution' was imposed for bully to continue to take advantage of him, with both bully and school taking advantage of DS's rule-following tendency.

Would almost be better if head thought both were bullies and/or could not be sure of the facts in the case, but that's not what's being stated here. Really can't have much faith in the decision making skills of a head who sees children that have no friendship, no obvious shared interests, and obvious antagonism including physical altercations and genuinely thinks best course of action is to make them associate more than is necessary for school work.

Won't specify anything other than. I have been refused a copy of the contract. I'm not allowed to see it. I HAVE THAT IN WRITING

That's a breach of data protection. Your dh's colleagues have already said that.

It is also a child protection issue.

Child told to sign something, it is kept secret even from the child's parents.

SASHH, i think the OP has now seen the contract.

Superb OP.All the very best. and eccellent to sunnmeg's ds.

Excellent obv!

OP don't forget to send a deregistration letter removing your ds from school if you going to homeschool him.

Perhaps check the homeschooling pages on here for the correct information on how to do it.

Absolutely ridiculous. I would never sign a contract, demand that the bullying child be dealt with proprly and threaten to get the council, Ofsted and DoE involved. I am livid for you, how stupid! I would also speak to the mother if bullying child and to the child.

She is deregistering him - after the SATs.

OP, I like your son's style 'Donut off a string' indeed! Have a fabulous day out at the Science Museam.

Totally off topic, but what's the eating donuts off a string thing all about? I've never heard that phrase before, what's the reference?

My guess was it was the anticipated end of year fun event that this boy wasn't that bothered about missing out on.

Don't governors automatically back up headteachers? In my experience, yes, they do

Not always. I recently sat on a governor complaints panel and we disagreed with the HT and DHT so upheld the complaint

As a school governor, if our head ever did anything as mad as this there is no way I would contemplate backing him up - in fact I would be asking some extremely serious questions about his competence and about safeguarding generally in the school.

badweek it's literally a donut threaded on a string. It's hung at head height and the aim is to eat it faster than anyone else without using your hands. It's a party game.

Interestingly when I made a complaint the governor clerk who had to write the lies the school/head governor said resigned the day she sent me response.
I don't think it was co incidence.

I just wanted to add that you are being such a great and supportive mum to DS. What a role model!

How are you and Ds today? How's he finding being at home?

I just wanted to say I salute you mama bear Gibbon. You and your husband are awesome parents.

I strongly suggest putting in a subject access request for you, your husband and son. The school will have to provide everything including internal emails discusing this, records of calls and meeting minutes. It's also such an almighty stressful hassle for them that they'll be highly cautious of anything documented or done relating to your family again.

Educational welfare needs to know what is happening and why. That way they will start an investigation. Whether he is being removed permanently or not, they need to know. The HT will have some awkward questions to answer.
Good for you OP, you don't have to take that officious shite from these so called authority figures. She has exercised some poor judgement here and needs to be told that by the officials.
The academy should also have trustees who you can raise this with who will also investigate.