To be batshit cross that my dc has had to sign a contract saying he will play with a child at school?

[GibbonMinstrel]

There's a long history.

My ds is shy, geeky. Knows what he likes -very academic/not great socially There's a bulldozer child who is his opposite. Alpha mum, jazz hands, sporty, darling-darling who is related to a staff member.

This other child has worked his way through his class bullying kids, controlling stuff and really wrecking friendships. My ds just doesn't get on with this kind of person. He reads during a lot of breaks (TA is a friend and has told me) and the other child has been taking,kicking and removing his books. It all came to a head last Friday when my DS reacted and screamed and the child to leave him alone and walked away.

The other kid went into meltdown- involved the headteacher (yes really) and between them they decided the best solution would be to contractually oblige my kid(nobody else's) to play for three set days with him.

Dh drafted up a contract yesterday for the HT to come to every single weekend BBQ over the summer and asked her to sign it and he was told not to be so ridiculous (hmm really)

The contract was enforced today and I've just collected DS from school in bits saying he doesn't want to go back.

Is this completely batshit or have I entered a twilight zone.

Sorry to be so ranty. I'm so cross!

I'm totally gobsmacked. What? I mean... what??

Is the headteacher actually on glue??????

You are legally entitled to a copy of any contract you sign - so email and ask for this asap.

Gosh Gibbonminstrel
Your poor DS has been asked to sign an agreement /contract to play with a boy 3 to a week during playtime that is bullying him? They are trying to resolve individual bullying by institutional bullying of the victim?!

Ask to meet the HT and his class teacher and to see the "contract agreement". Ask for a paper copy and a copy of their anti bullying policy (to take away with you, they can redact other child's name)

If it is exactly as DS described, you can go steely quiet (batshit) "No, this will not be happening, we do not agree to this as his parents. It inappropriate and unacceptable to ask this of a victim of bullying"

The quietly firm response with silent pauses and unimpressed facial expression is an effective one .

No child should be made to play with another child, that's unenforceable, especially not a child who is bullying him.

Express your concerns that they are colluding with and contributing to the bullying of your child and as a result he is distressed and fearful of attending school. They too owe a pastoral (duty of) care to your DS for his wellbeing and the other boys needs do not trump your child's.

I would say they will receive your written complaint about other boy bullying your DS and you want a meeting in 2 weeks to hear what they have done to rectify this and safeguard your child. And (if they don't to be listening) that if they persist with this misguided approach in breach of anti bullying policies, you will write to the school governors, Local authority education dept and Ofsted to raise matter further.

Calm cool clear language that has a timetable and action plan. You never know it might all be a misunderstanding. I hope it is.

Previous PP have given good advice. But want to see the facts first before i got "unimpressed and taking action"

How strange! Definitely calm down before speaking to the school, you've got common sense on your side but getting het up isn't going to help anyone. Hope you get it sorted though, poor DS.

I have never heard ANYTHING like this before. How completey ridiculous! Dh is a deputy head in a primary school, I just told him about this. He made this face and said how on earth can they enforce that. Bonkers! I'm also a teacher (secondary) and don't like to make a fuss and hate it when parents over-react, but in your case I think I would write to the chair of governess and let the HT know exactly why.

governers

The headteacher must be on glue.

Loved your DHs barbecue thing, it's a superb and extremely accurate analogy, but perhaps would have been best shared on here rather than to HT.

Also as a solicitor, I'd ignore the helpfully meant posts about engaging one of us at this point. Better to go through complaints policies.

The contract idea is ridiculous and completely inappropriate.
However I suspect the reason the bully isn't being dealt with is that he will be saying he is being ignored and bullied by your DS, whilst your DS is saying he is being harassed and bullied by the other kid, with little solid evidence either way. This seems to be the general pattern of low-level bullying and it never seems to get resolved satisfactorily. Of course the real answer is probably that there is inadequate supervision during the lunch break to properly monitor what is going on, and not enough activities for the children who aren't quietly and happily reading to do.

Its not legally binding as he is underage for that sort of thing. I would ask to see it and rip it up. school sounds crazy. I feel bad for your ds.

Nope. The Headteacher is on whiteboard pens.

I'd play down the favouritism aspect of the complaint. Bit subjective. I'd include a line that due to that "contract" you now have to teach your child that teachers are sometimes wrong.

Definitely stay calm as it will help in the long run. If you have to go nuclear in the future then you still have that in reserve.

I haven't read the whole thing but that is totally nuts. Whilst I would love to say please send me the contract and I will mark it up with a gazillion comments I think the advice about following the complaints process is more sensible I would also write to state (i) that the contract is not binding, (ii) ask the school to acknowledge of this and (iii) state that in the absence of such acknowledgement you will be taking legal advice and complaining to the Chairman of the Board of Governors.

Wow, this really is ridiculous.

A contract signed under duress is meaningless

And a contract signed by a 10 yr old is meaningless! What a load of shit! That HT is a dick and bullying is being condoned! Let us know the outcome, I'm fuming!

I love all this talk of duress and fraud and misrep and not being enforceable by the part time Law and Order viewers!!

Of course it isn't enforceable!! They know this - the contract is a prop.

The real issue here is your child finally snapping (rightly so imo) and it having been allowed to get to that point.

And secondly how fucking dare they dictate to your child that he should socialise during his own down time with his tormentor.

Stupid, ill thought through policy.

They should be ashamed of themselves and told to get a grip.

That ht needs a good hard look at herself if shes pulling stunts like this

The contract is a red herring. The issue is your son being forced to play with his bully. Focus on this.

I've just realised that this happened to my own ds. A boy prone to violence (not his fault) was allowed to choose who he could play with. DS was on the receiving end of said violence a lot as he was chosen a lot. After ds faked illness and couldn't sleep, I complained. School wanted to cut it down to one day a week. Ds asked for it to be a Friday so he had the weekend to look forward to. I put a stop to it.

Hope it gets sorted

I would be asking to see the contract and then would rip it up. The ht is completely ridiculous, you cannot force children to be friends. You can insist that they are polite to one another but that goes both ways.

I would get the full story from the school and if your ds is correct, I'd go apeshit at them.

Teacher here and this is ridiculous! We often draw up rotas for children to play with those who struggle but it's always the children who volunteer!
I do agree with going to the governors if the head won't discuss it with you. I wouldn't play the safeguarding card as people too often do it without understanding. I would however talking about your child's rights. Even better if the school is a rights respecting school as many are these days. He had a right to socialise, to play and to feel safe. He has the right to have a say in all things that affect him. He has a right to be listened to!

When my little brother was in primary school a little girl said he had hit her, the headteacher made him write a letter of apology, saying what he'd done and apologising and stating that he would have to sit inside at breaks for one week. She then made him read it in the school assembly.
My dad picked him up in tears and he promised he hadn't done it, he said it was another little girl who hit her and she'd shouted but when the teacher came over she didn't want to get her friend in trouble and blamed him.
The next day my dad saw the headteacher and asked for her to try and get to the bottom of it, she refused and said he would have to sit in at lunch, so my dad took my brother out saying he would speak to the governors.
That afternoon a teacher rang him and said she'd spoken to the girl who admitted he didn't do it. The head teacher said nothing and my brother had been humiliated in front of the school and nothing was put right.

Just a thought: are they saying that for three break times, they will supervise some sort of 'play' (or possibly social skills session) involving your son and the other boy, with the aim of helping them to find common ground and get along? That might actually be useful.

Or are they just throwing your son to the wolves?

Email the ht asking for a meeting with straightforward list of concerns including refs to safeguarding then after meeting email again stating what was agreed at the meeting. That way you have a paper trail. Face to face is fine but you have to keep records. If no joy, go to the governors immediately after that. Good luck!

Tiggy I am sooo stealing that line. The Headteacher is on whiteboard pens brilliant

As you were.

I Hope you get a considered hearing OP.

Sparkle that's appalling.