Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be batshit cross that my dc has had to sign a contract saying he will play with a child at school?

503 replies

GibbonMinstrel · 25/04/2017 16:00

There's a long history.

My ds is shy, geeky. Knows what he likes -very academic/not great socially There's a bulldozer child who is his opposite. Alpha mum, jazz hands, sporty, darling-darling who is related to a staff member.

This other child has worked his way through his class bullying kids, controlling stuff and really wrecking friendships. My ds just doesn't get on with this kind of person. He reads during a lot of breaks (TA is a friend and has told me) and the other child has been taking,kicking and removing his books. It all came to a head last Friday when my DS reacted and screamed and the child to leave him alone and walked away.

The other kid went into meltdown- involved the headteacher (yes really) and between them they decided the best solution would be to contractually oblige my kid(nobody else's) to play for three set days with him.

Dh drafted up a contract yesterday for the HT to come to every single weekend BBQ over the summer and asked her to sign it and he was told not to be so ridiculous (hmm really)

The contract was enforced today and I've just collected DS from school in bits saying he doesn't want to go back.

Is this completely batshit or have I entered a twilight zone.

Sorry to be so ranty. I'm so cross!

OP posts:
Fitzsimmons · 27/04/2017 09:36

This is ridiculous but I'm glad your lovely sounding son has you fighting for his corner. Enjoy the Science Museum

ProtectandSurvive · 27/04/2017 09:44

Perfect response I think.

MackerelOfFact · 27/04/2017 10:03

I hope heads roll.

Sounds like the Head has been rolling something...

This is bonkers. I would avoid the accusations of favouritism towards the other child though as it detracts from the actual issue, which is that your DS is being forced to spend his free time with someone he dislikes against his will, and the school won't discuss it with you.

User987655678911 · 27/04/2017 10:11

Shameless place marking - this has got to be the most ludicrous thing I've ever heard, hope it gets resolved but what a lucky boy he is to have you fighting his corner Smile

Floralnomad · 27/04/2017 10:18

However this resolves ,and I think you are doing the right thing OP , I think when it's all over I would deregister and HE until secondary anyway . Hope you have a lovely day today.

Original poster
GibbonMinstrel · 27/04/2017 11:01

No science museum for us today.

I had a feeling I'd be pulled over anyway at drop off. Had all my stuff with me- so felt super prepared. I have her another letter telling her about subject access requests and my husband instructing his law colleagues to view the "contract"and she SHAT HERSELF minimising everything. I've seen the contract and she quieted as I took a photo with my phone without asking. She told me not to make too much of it as it was a restoration of justice exercise (WTF) and DS's account was not in question at all-his version matches up but the other boy is very spirited and energetic.

Oh incidentally ds was with me as we send other DC there -I asked if her was allowed to read outside the office whilst we spoke and grabbed a packet of his favourite frazzles from my picnic for his to chow on. Yes massive PA masterclass - not sorry.(it's a healthy eating school and crisps aren't really allowed)

They don't know yet but I'm deregistering him from the school-they will not be happy at all. I have spoken to our liaison at his secondary school who is lovely as he's been attending transition classes /he also goes to a "reach high" programme (grammar) they love da as he's a learning robot! She has been amazing and has assured me they have an excellent pastoral care. DS still not sleeping but is like a different child today. Science museum awaits tomorrow.

Sorry but I've tried to be a bit vague and change things around so as to not totally out myself. Although I'd imagine the contract issue is pretty Shock

Thank you. They cannot make him sit the SATs can they?

Bit rushed as I have da with me sorry for typos and shit grammar.

OP posts:
honeysucklejasmine · 27/04/2017 11:07

So his version of events isn't in doubt... But they are still making him play with his bully. Good job, school.

PollytheDolly · 27/04/2017 11:16

restoration of justice exercise

Jesus wept Confused

Doing brilliantly OP.

Fragglez · 27/04/2017 11:17

If his version isn't in doubt, surely that makes it all worse!

GeekLove · 27/04/2017 11:25

Looks like the transition to secondary school should be sorted, hopefully they will deliver.

Really, missing one term will not cause the world to spin off its axes and I'm sure you'll keep the new school involved. It looks like it's just what he needs to get it out of his system so he can enjoy summer and his new school.

GaelicSiog · 27/04/2017 11:28

No, he does not have to sit SATs. Lots of private schools don't. SATs are actually for the school's benefit, not the child's, so all the more reason not to in this case!

OP, you are fabulous.

GaelicSiog · 27/04/2017 11:30

I really want to know what the spoilt brat relative of the staff member makes of DS "breaking"the contact in that he hasn't been in school to play with him because I'm evil Grin

Trb17 · 27/04/2017 11:32

Wow I'm so impressed with you OP! The frazzles move and photo of the contract were perfection Grin you are winning at mumming Smile

GeekLove · 27/04/2017 11:32

Brace yourself OP: You have the wind up them now. I bet they were expecting you to put up and shut up.

Clutterbugsmum · 27/04/2017 11:44

She needs to look at the meaning of restoration of justice exercise it's about making the 'bully' understand where their behavior is not meeting required level and NOT making the victim be forced into unsafe environment.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 27/04/2017 11:47

You are a star, OP.

Did the HT have anything to say about justice for your son, in all this? And could she explain how it is 'just' to make your son play with his bully?

I hope someone knowledgeable can answer your question about the SATs - but worst case, you could keep him off 'sick' those days.

ohfourfoxache · 27/04/2017 11:52

Restoration of justice?

What the actual fuck is that supposed to mean?

I'm really glad she shat herself but don't back down on the "dh is seeking legal advice" front.

Leapfrog44 · 27/04/2017 11:54

That's total insanity. Unethical, inhumane and totally ridiculous! I'd be on the WAR PATH. Send a copy of the contract to Daily Mail!

freemanbatch · 27/04/2017 11:56

You're doing great op, your son is lucky to have you fighting his corner

School can't make your son do his sats if you don't send him in on the day so don't worry about that. If you really want to get on the head teachers nerves about that then don't deregister him until after the sats exams because then he'll show in their figures as a 'not reached expected' which clearly he wouldn't if he actually sat them Wink.

The whole thing sound mad but sadly I've experienced similar with a child of a teacher in my child's class. It's a running joke that the kid wins everything and a serious health risk that the kid intentionally coughs and sneezes in the face of the kid with cystic fibrosis but school do nothing because 'he's a nice kid really'

CotswoldStrife · 27/04/2017 12:06

Was there any restoration of justice for your son? Any contract for the bully to sign? I'm guessing not. I would certainly pursue the free legal advice and hit the HT with a letter afterwards. It is hard to see how they could justify such a one-sided approach.

The not-deregistering until after the SATS is genius btw Grin

aginghippy · 27/04/2017 12:12

Restorative justice is a process where someone who has committed a crime meets with the victim(s) of the crime to talk about what happened. The victims describe the impact the crime has had on them and the perpetrator can acknowledge this impact and take steps to put it right. It is done in meetings with specially trained mediators.

I think the HT is misusing jargon to minimise her mistake and try and get the OP to back down.

JustifiedAncientofMooMoo · 27/04/2017 12:13

Op needs to take into account what she wants to do with her other children, who presumably will continue at this school!

GabsAlot · 27/04/2017 12:16

what a load of crap restoration of justice she needs to look at meanings of phrases before she bats them out

onalongsabbatical · 27/04/2017 12:18

Gibbon great update. You are being the most amazing parent. StarStarHaloStar
freeman the kid intentionally coughs and sneezes in the face of the kid with cystic fibrosis but school do nothing because 'he's a nice kid really' Jesus that's awful, unbelievable, WTF is wrong with the school?

ohforfoxsake · 27/04/2017 12:20

You've done really well OP. It's one of the most ridiculous, shocking things I've heard a school do. Completely nuts.

Is he year 5 or 6? If you deregister him after SATS he'll be missing out on the fun & leavers stuff that they do, which could be a shame for him. How does he feel about that?

Just wondering if that is a bit of an extreme reaction?

Not doing his SATS will affect the school, and could have a big effect (especially if it's a fairly small cohort). You do have other children there and although I understand it's tempting to 'hit them where it hurts' you might be wise to draw a line under it once appropriate apologies have been made and the governors have dealt with the case to your satisfaction. Retaliation might not be the way forward.