To be batshit cross that my dc has had to sign a contract saying he will play with a child at school?

[GibbonMinstrel]

There's a long history.

My ds is shy, geeky. Knows what he likes -very academic/not great socially There's a bulldozer child who is his opposite. Alpha mum, jazz hands, sporty, darling-darling who is related to a staff member.

This other child has worked his way through his class bullying kids, controlling stuff and really wrecking friendships. My ds just doesn't get on with this kind of person. He reads during a lot of breaks (TA is a friend and has told me) and the other child has been taking,kicking and removing his books. It all came to a head last Friday when my DS reacted and screamed and the child to leave him alone and walked away.

The other kid went into meltdown- involved the headteacher (yes really) and between them they decided the best solution would be to contractually oblige my kid(nobody else's) to play for three set days with him.

Dh drafted up a contract yesterday for the HT to come to every single weekend BBQ over the summer and asked her to sign it and he was told not to be so ridiculous (hmm really)

The contract was enforced today and I've just collected DS from school in bits saying he doesn't want to go back.

Is this completely batshit or have I entered a twilight zone.

Sorry to be so ranty. I'm so cross!

Good on you Gibbon!

What did the contract actually say Gibbon or have I missed that somewhere? I just can't imagine what would be in such a contract.
You have handled this brilliantly, so happy that your son is getting so much support, its so important for them.

oh my goodness, this is one of the craziest things I've read in a while.

Good on you OP, it's the bully who needs the punishment not your poor soon.

Sorry posting will be very sporadic. Crumbs they're going to miss ds sitting his SATs aren't they he smashes those things out of the park if he doesn't get at least 90% he's a misery .

I know it's a bit vicious but I think I will dereg AFTER.

The only concern both dh and I have is that the other DC won't be treated fairly now. They are doing very well and have never had any bother.

"Restorative justice" is a not uncommon policy for dealing with behaviour problems in schools. Unfortunately, when it comes to bullying, it's based on the idea that bullies are at heart nice children who can empathise with their victims, and also on the out-of-date and (false) idea that most bullies lack self-esteem or are bullied at home, and so are 'victims' too.

Unfortunately, these beliefs have no real evidence to support them (like so many of the ideas that have invaded our schools over the last 50 years). A lot of children have suffered unchecked bullying as a result.

The policy is applied not just to problems between children, but sometimes to problems between a child and a teacher as well, often with the result of undermining the teacher's authority. A couple interesting blogs from teachers on the subject:

deputyjohn.wordpress.com/2014/01/26/restorative-justice/

teachingbattleground.wordpress.com/2014/10/18/has-the-debate-moved-on/

Sorry-
To answer a PP
Ds couldn't care less if he never goes back. He's not bothered if he doesn't get to eat donut off a string. His words!

Child protection will be very interested to hear that your HT coerced a child to sign a contract which they will not allow you to see!
Talk about failing on all levels.

I have had to fight for my kids due to bullying at school for years (sitting one of them beside his bully etc etc) but this goes a step even further along the crazy route.

Enjoy your day out with your son.

Hope your dh's legal team drag the crazy woman and her school through the ringer. Goodness knows what else she has done and parents were never told of.

Sorry xposted but they would still take a dim view of it now you have a photo.

Stupid woman hasnt got a clue about how to tackle bullying.
Very telling that the child is related to staff member and all the kids have to dance to his tune.

Wait a minute. Did I read wrong? The bully came up with this idea?

So basically they said to the children "What do you think we should do about this?" and he said "Make XXX play with me!" and they said "What a good idea!"? The mind boggles.

As far as your other kids go, just watch closely. But I think they're now aware that you will not hesitate to raise a stink if you perceive your child isn't being treated fairly. You'll probably end up on the 'watch out for these parents' list. Not a bad place to be!

This is absolutely mental! Well done OP!
Also agree with PPwho advised to keep on wit the 'DH is getting legal advice', especially if you have other kids at the school

OP - keep us in touch with what you do and what the outcome is.

Write to the school under the terms of the data protection act asking for a copy of all information held on your son. I think the cost is around £10 . They will be legally obliged to comply. You will get pages and pages of info with other people's names blocked out, but they won't be able to get out of doing it.

For what its worth, DS went to a small primary school and only had four boys in his class. He didn't get on with one boy who was a liar and a sneak and there was a whole history with this boy by the time they got to year 6. The year 6 teacher put them to work together and I went in to complain and she said that by the end of the year they would be the best of friends and was really dismissive of my views. A few weeks later my son was asked to give a speech in front of the school about a project he'd done. DS took the opportunity to stand up and tell the whole school why the other boy couldn't be trusted. The boy then locked himself in the toilets for about two hours and had to be coaxed out. The Head rang me to call me in to discuss what had happened and I said I was busy and couldn't come in . When I turned up at the end of the day, I just backed my son totally and said they needed to sort out the other boys behaviour and not punish my son. I had warned them not to put the boys together and they had to deal with the consequences, it was nothing to do with me.

My ds's behaviour was unacceptable - he cannot tell another child they cannot play with him. They also don't think it's "healthy" for him to read during break

That's a victim-blaming anti-consent attitude. God knows what they say to the girls if the boys use sexualised teasing. Do girls at that school have to "play" with boys who use sexualised bullying?

Glad you're fighting this OP - strength to you & peace to your DS.

not bothered if I don't get to eat a donut off a string
OP your son sounds ace and so do you! If I was another parent at the school I'd be buying you flowers, chocolate and gin!

Long and short of the contract was my ds was tasked to "mentor" this other boy.

Playing 3 times a WEEK not three consecutive times (not one word of supervision) and there was another child mentioned who was down to play with him on ONE day during the working week.

Pile of wank as my dh so delicately put it in text to me earlier.

In addition, restorative justice (if that's what they think they are doing) is not something that can be unforced by contracts. Everyone must be willing, that's critical.

So wrong, it's showing others that bad behaviour is acceptable and that the rest of the children who know wrong from right must put up with this crap. Just because some parents don't teach their children to respect others why should your child and other children have to be upset, etc. It's saying that their feelings don't matter but the bullies does. If he is looking for attention that should be addressed to the source which is his parents. Who goes around kicking and damaging another persons books, etc. Why is he doing this - it's for attention, is he not able to say that perhaps he would like to be friends with your child instead of bullying him into spending time with him? What is your son supposed to learn from being forced to spend time with someone he doesn't want to be in the company of? All this teaches any child is that their feelings especially when they weren't in the wrong, does not matter. Can't believe that the school is forcing him to do this as if he is the culprit. (You should take all these views we've added in this matter and ask the head teacher to read it)

Perhaps his parents should have "mentored" him to be a respectful child in the first place. Your child is a child not a parent!

WHAT did I just read?! My days OP that sounds outrageous ! Your poor son . What a stupid way for a school to behave . Your child is there tonne EDUCATED, not forced to endure the behaviour of another child . I'd go above the headteacher on this one . Ridiculous to make a child dread school to appease a little bully.

*to be

This is such an insane situation that it wouldn't have even happened in a soap. 😱 I hope that you made it clear to ds and the school that this contract is 💩 and void. Ds will play with who he wants.

You're handling this brilliantly OP! Can't stand bullies and 99% of the time in primary school these days they seem to get away with it.

Just had a chat with my mum about this (I'm an ex teacher, she is a recently retired head) She was absolutely disgusted by the action the school have/haven't taken. She thinks they are on very thin ice, and if asked to justify this course of action, wouldn't be able to. It isn't helpful for either child in this situation as the bully needs to learn the error of his ways also.
Good on you for backing him up, i would do exactly the same. Just as a matter of interest, I'm a long time lurker, but you situation has made me so cross, i just had to post!

Asked to "mentor"

But they're children - how the fuck is a child meant to mentor someone who is bullying him?

Even in the workplace this wouldn't be acceptable- there are HR policies that should prohibit anything like this happening. So why on earth would it be acceptable in a school?

Sounds like your son is being used as an unpaid TA!