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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be batshit cross that my dc has had to sign a contract saying he will play with a child at school?

503 replies

GibbonMinstrel · 25/04/2017 16:00

There's a long history.

My ds is shy, geeky. Knows what he likes -very academic/not great socially There's a bulldozer child who is his opposite. Alpha mum, jazz hands, sporty, darling-darling who is related to a staff member.

This other child has worked his way through his class bullying kids, controlling stuff and really wrecking friendships. My ds just doesn't get on with this kind of person. He reads during a lot of breaks (TA is a friend and has told me) and the other child has been taking,kicking and removing his books. It all came to a head last Friday when my DS reacted and screamed and the child to leave him alone and walked away.

The other kid went into meltdown- involved the headteacher (yes really) and between them they decided the best solution would be to contractually oblige my kid(nobody else's) to play for three set days with him.

Dh drafted up a contract yesterday for the HT to come to every single weekend BBQ over the summer and asked her to sign it and he was told not to be so ridiculous (hmm really)

The contract was enforced today and I've just collected DS from school in bits saying he doesn't want to go back.

Is this completely batshit or have I entered a twilight zone.

Sorry to be so ranty. I'm so cross!

OP posts:
FlorisApple · 27/04/2017 01:25

Good luck OP! Have rtft, and would add to the HT: why does their "inclusivity" not include children who like to read in their breaks? How is that inclusive of difference? Absolute bs on their part. Keep going. I hope you get some justice on this. Children, in my experience, have such a strong, natural sense of what is fair and what is not - it's one of the worst things about being a child: being so finely attuned to all the little injustices of life.

AyeAmarok · 27/04/2017 01:38

Well, if you're not allowed to see the contract then tell DS it doesn't exist anymore and to ignore it.

You can't contract with a minor, by the way. I'm surprised someone so dense got to the position of Head Teacher.

OP, be careful of the Daily Mail lifting this.

DeadMorose · 27/04/2017 02:36

WTAF?!
I'm actually lost for words. How can an adult think it's a great idea? It's like she lives in Mimiloo or Teletubbies land. I'm just shocked. Shock

HicDraconis · 27/04/2017 03:59

I feel for your DS. My older son sounds very similar - quiet, bookish, academically more than able but social skills didn't come nearly as easily to him.

This comment:
However, there are inevitably children who end up perennial victims. It shouldn't be their responsibility to change their behaviour but in practical terms, it will make their life a lot easier if they do.

is essentially what the headteacher at his first school said to him when he was being bullied in year 2. He was told he couldn't stop people being mean to him but he could change how he reacted to it and that it was his fault they were still doing it.

We took him out of school and home educated him for a term, before re-enrolling him into a primary a bit further away but with very much more sensible policies on bullying. They have completely rebuilt his resilience and I am so happy we made the decision to take him out.

I would also suggest a meeting with the headteacher to outline your concerns, with a list of where you feel the school is failing in its duty of care to provide your son with a safe environment in which to grow. It may well be that supervised teambuilding / working together sessions with this boy will help both him and your son, but it needs to be properly organised and managed rather than some half baked "you need to play together 3 days a week to get over this nonsense" which is what it sounds like. If you don't get a satisfactory response then I would seriously consider home educating until he is secondary school age.

user1471545174 · 27/04/2017 04:44

I'm only on page 4 but I would do what AcrossThePond says, precisely!

OrangePeels · 27/04/2017 05:03

This is one of the most bonkers things I have read!

Looking at it from another point of view though, what does jazz hands mum think about children being forced to play with her son?

user1471545174 · 27/04/2017 05:05

I think pontynan's comments are really part of the problem. This is actually nonsense, and no child should be exposed to it.

I like the suggestion of your son requesting, in writing, a copy of the contract he signed.

Good luck OP and don't let the fools grind you down.

RebootYourEngine · 27/04/2017 05:17

I read the thread when you first posted but didnt post myself because i thought that once you spoke to the school it would all be sorted. How wrong was i. I can not believe the way that the school have behaved.

Gooseysgirl · 27/04/2017 05:17

There is no way she can refuse you access to the contract!! Unbelievable Angry

SnugglyBedSocks · 27/04/2017 07:06

For the first time ever I think this is exactly the type of story the Daily Mail should expose.

OnceMoreIntoTheBleach · 27/04/2017 07:23

I can't believe what I'm reading here. The HT sounds like a cartoon character!

I'd be wary of keeping your ds off school for too long though, in case lack of attendance has negative repercussions (I don't know what that would be, I'm sure a teacher on here can advise if that's likely to be an issue).

Could you bring him home for lunch as a longer-term solution?

Mrsrp · 27/04/2017 07:38

This is awful! Hope you get it sorted OP x

Clutterbugsmum · 27/04/2017 07:45

Will people stop saying that the OP needs to speak the head teacher, both the OP and the OP DH have spoken to the Head who is not changing her mind.

I think the OP is right to keep her DS away from the school until this is sorted. It seems to me that they are concentrating on forcing your child to play with other child rather then helping the other child change his behavior.

How close is the other child related to the member of staff, I'm guessing they are related to one of the senior leadership team and this why the other child behavior isn't being addressed.

Make sure you follow the correct complaint procedure.

My DD2 was/is like your DS and in yr 3 her teacher (he was new and didn't know her) told me very politely that she needed to play nicely with other children rather then read or talk to teacher/TA's. It was not that she was being mean/horrible it's just that she didn't/doesn't relate children as she is far more interested in reading, finding out about everything. So they put her in 'social skills' to help her relate to other children her age. She now has a couple of friends she plays with at playtime. But she is still 'different' to other's and given the choice she will being reading a book.

Laiste · 27/04/2017 08:00

SnugglyBedSocks - For the first time ever I think this is exactly the type of story the Daily Mail should expose.

Yep. Local paper needs a call.

hackmum · 27/04/2017 08:04

I think if you're going to escalate the problem, you need to do it carefully, one step at a time. Ask what you're trying to achieve. At this stage, I can't see that going to either the local or national press will achieve anything other than further antagonising the headteacher and bringing yourself some unwelcome attention.

You could try a polite letter to the chair of governors.

Failing that, is the school a standalone academy, part of a multi-academy trust or the responsibility of the local authority? If it's either of the last two, then you could try taking it to senior people in the MAT or the education department of the LA.

Remember, although the head is behaving appallingly, the chances are your child will be at the school for a few more years so you want to be able to resolve the situation amicably without creating an atmosphere of hostility for the rest of your son's time at primary school.

Bobbybobbins · 27/04/2017 08:10

Call Ofsted!

ineedaholidaynow · 27/04/2017 08:12

Would the reason the OP isn't allowed to see a copy of the contract is that it will name the other child? Although I guess a copy could be anonymised.

Not excusing the rest of the HT's behaviour by the way.

DS was bullied whilst at Primary School for a number of years by 2 boys in particular, and the school were pretty rubbish dealing with it Angry.

Luckily when DS was in Y6 his teacher was determined to stop it and certainly things improved. One day one of the bullies asked DS to join in a game and DS refused. This boy then went and complained to the teacher and said that DS was being mean. Teacher's response was "I don't blame him after all the things you have done to him" Smile

That's how the HT should be responding not with a contract.

YorkshireTree · 27/04/2017 08:13

It's a subject access request not a FOI request and the OP has already made one. It does not need to be in a specific format. You could text your GP surgery saying "can I haz my notes innit" and that would be a legally enforceable subject access request.

Nixie60 · 27/04/2017 08:13

YADNBU OP, sounds as though you're doing all the right things to support your DS. Lots of advice on here so I won't add my two pennorth, just wish you the best of luck in resolving this crappy situation Flowers

CherieBabySpliffUp · 27/04/2017 08:16

I would love to know what their justification is for not allowing you to see the "contract"
Beyond ridiculous!

girlandboy · 27/04/2017 08:32

And this precisely why I'm so pleased my DC's are nearly out of the education system. I feel worn down by the years of school "rules" and petty politics. My DS is nearly 17 but stuff like this annoys me intensely. Keep going op, you have your son's back!

JustSpeakSense · 27/04/2017 08:40

I am flabbergasted that you have been refused a copy of contract.

It is disgraceful.

You and your DH are doing a fantastic job. You need to keep escalating this until someone sees reason.

School governors
LEA
local MP
local paper

Your child's school is batshit crazy.

Enjoy the science museum, he's a lucky little lad to have you fighting his corner.

hellsbellsmelons · 27/04/2017 08:49

Wow - This is madness.
I hope you have a lovely day out today.
If it's anything like here the weather is perfect for a trip out.
Enjoy!

LosingDory · 27/04/2017 09:23

This is an absolutely ridiculous situation...your poor son!

LarrytheCucumber · 27/04/2017 09:35

Ineedaholiday they should black out the other child's name.

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