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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be batshit cross that my dc has had to sign a contract saying he will play with a child at school?

503 replies

GibbonMinstrel · 25/04/2017 16:00

There's a long history.

My ds is shy, geeky. Knows what he likes -very academic/not great socially There's a bulldozer child who is his opposite. Alpha mum, jazz hands, sporty, darling-darling who is related to a staff member.

This other child has worked his way through his class bullying kids, controlling stuff and really wrecking friendships. My ds just doesn't get on with this kind of person. He reads during a lot of breaks (TA is a friend and has told me) and the other child has been taking,kicking and removing his books. It all came to a head last Friday when my DS reacted and screamed and the child to leave him alone and walked away.

The other kid went into meltdown- involved the headteacher (yes really) and between them they decided the best solution would be to contractually oblige my kid(nobody else's) to play for three set days with him.

Dh drafted up a contract yesterday for the HT to come to every single weekend BBQ over the summer and asked her to sign it and he was told not to be so ridiculous (hmm really)

The contract was enforced today and I've just collected DS from school in bits saying he doesn't want to go back.

Is this completely batshit or have I entered a twilight zone.

Sorry to be so ranty. I'm so cross!

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 27/04/2017 16:48

Playing 3 times a WEEK not three consecutive times (not one word of supervision) and there was another child mentioned who was down to play with him on ONE day during the working week.

It just gets worse and worse, doesn't it?

So FOUR out of the five school days he's basically mandated to play with two particular children? I wouldn't care if the children in question were 'nice' children, it's wrong to tell a child who they must play with. I believe it's OK to encourage children to include 'shy' Johnny, a new child, or an unfairly ostracized child (it does happen) in their games but it should be all the children in the class who are encouraged to do so. Or if a child spends every recess/break reading perhaps encouraging the child to spend 'one recess/lunch' playing with others I don't think that's a bad thing. But the word is encouraged, not mandated.

TotallyEclipsed · 27/04/2017 16:49

Just a thought, as secondary school targets are set on SAT results (are they still?) and children that haven't sat them get low or average targets by default. So it might be in your son's interest to sit them to ensure the secondary school don't get too laid back about his progress - not that it sounds as if your ds will have a problem there, but if he should be targeted As and instead gets the default Cs for GCSEs (or whatever the new equivalents are), then the next school won't be rushing for any interventions should he start underachieving and may be tempted to prioritise others.

Original poster
GibbonMinstrel · 27/04/2017 16:50

It doesn't matter now as he's not going back. Also, who knew there was such a massive HE network in my area. Facebook is a minefield of info!

OP posts:
FrancisCrawford · 27/04/2017 17:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bringmesunshite · 27/04/2017 17:28

There was a thread on here a while ago about a primary age child with a number of problems/challenges who spouted in class the racist nonsense they heard at home. The consensus on the thread was that the needs of child with problems/challenges outweighed the needs of class mates who would be hurt and offended by the racist nonsense. Don't want to rehash the issues of that thread but there is obviously a school of thought that doesn't punish "challenging" behaviour in order to help the child displaying that behaviour. Even if other kids suffer.

Bringmesunshite · 27/04/2017 17:30

Ps. I'm with you op. You've done the right thing.

bostoncremecrazy · 27/04/2017 18:03

Well done OP. Wishing your son well for the future too.

2beesornot2beesthatisthehoney · 27/04/2017 18:25

Willl they fine you for unauthorised absence if you de register after SATs would hate batshit HT to "win"

Original poster
GibbonMinstrel · 27/04/2017 18:37

I'll happily pay a fine.

In Frazzles.

OP posts:
FrancisCrawford · 27/04/2017 18:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LukerExtraordinaire · 27/04/2017 18:51

The absence would not be unauthorized once dereg. You are dereg therefore no absence present!

sheepashwap · 27/04/2017 18:54

In Frazzle CRUMBS! Grin

youarenotkiddingme · 27/04/2017 19:45

They can't fine. Ds isn't attending as his mental health is too poor after being made to sign a contract against his will forcing him to spend time playing with his bulky 3 times a week.

All you need to do is go to GP and get it logged and ask for Camhs referral for school anxiety. Doesn't matter if it's refused from Camhs or you don't ever take appointment - it's the fact you can keep him off sick whilst it comes through and validates your reasons.

And then yes - re reg day after sats!

Lynnm63 · 27/04/2017 19:52

Well done op! Make sure you tell the batshit HT you won't let him take his SATS as he's not going to improve their results.

EweAreHere · 27/04/2017 20:06

I'm sure the HT and the Y6 teachers are completely freaking out right now. They have really, really messed this up for themselves and the school.

As for someone who said secondary schools use the SATs, actually, most don't. they administer their own tests because EVERYONE knows that primary schools teach to the tests in year 6. THat's all they do. So Secondary schools give their own tests (CATs, etc) to see what they actually know.

blankpieceofpaper · 27/04/2017 20:28

KS2 data is used to predict a child's GCSE grades at KS4.

thisisthevixxen · 27/04/2017 20:34

Hi GibbonMinstrel,

I'm an avid MN reader with 2 primary age kids but haven't logged in to comment for years. Thank you for sharing what has clearly been a hell of a few days & speaking for myself, I've been right there with you. Pressing refresh, waiting for updates, angry as fuck for your son, scared for you that the usual beurocratic machine would grind you back into your box & cheering you on, in awe, every single time you fought for your child. In fact, sitting on my stuffy commuter train out of London & reading your update today, I've all but fist punched the air I'm so glad for you both.

Don't worry about your other children's experiences. You fought the system & won. You'll be legendary now & they'll be untouchable.

So thanks, OP, for your story but also for the hope it instilled that we are not powerless against the almighty soul crushing British school system clearly designed by creatively stunted process nerds. And thank you as well for the vicarious victory we've all experienced today.

You give mums a good name, Hun. Take care.

Vicky

MumW · 27/04/2017 21:14

As for someone who said secondary schools use the SATs, actually, most don't. they administer their own tests because EVERYONE knows that primary schools teach to the tests in year 6. THat's all they do. So Secondary schools give their own tests (CATs, etc) to see what they actually know.

Slightly OT but this made me smile. DD is at secondary school and I've come to the conclusion that she isn't being educated so much as being coached how to sit GCSEs.

MumW · 27/04/2017 21:16

Also 100% in awe of OP for way she has handled this. Top parenting.

TotallyEclipsed · 27/04/2017 21:51

someone who said secondary schools use the SATs, actually, most don't. they administer their own tests because EVERYONE knows that primary schools teach to the tests in year 6. THat's all they do. So Secondary schools give their own tests (CATs, etc) to see what they actually know.

Two different uses of KS2 data, agree for early setting etc many schools use CAT and other tests instead, but I was thinking specifically about the progress 8 performance measure which schools take very seriously as it's supposed to be the main new league table measure. Progress 8 is I think calculated from KS2 SAT results.

Ceto · 27/04/2017 22:09

Please don't let this go when you've deregistered - the complaint needs to be taken up to the top, including the council's safeguarding service, for the sake of other children in the school.

Cary2012 · 27/04/2017 22:11

High school teacher here. We initially set year 7s on SATS. Then we re-set Autumn half term, based on our own tests. Make of that what you will...
OP stick to your guns, you're doing the right thing.

Biggreygoose · 27/04/2017 22:25

Forget North Korea

Forget Trump

Forget Brexit

Forget the French right wing

This. This is proof the world has gone batshit.

(Blatant place marking)

EmpressoftheMundane · 27/04/2017 22:34

I agree this is nuts.

But I bet the other mum would say that her DS is being bullied by exclusion! It's usually little girls who get press-ganged into playing with children they don't like and don't get on with in the name of being nice and inclusive.

Kids should learn to be polite and civil, but not forced to be anyone's friend. They need to be allowed to walk away in their free time.

incywincybitofa · 27/04/2017 23:04

Is this child the head's or a deputy head's? Or is it a governor's child? I only ask because it has PFB overriding professionalism written all over it.
Even if you de-register and decide to remove your DS, then I do think you should complain because my experience is walking away doesn't leave the anger behind.
What will you do about your other DC?
If they were to tear up the contract and apologise would you accept that?