in wanting to have a quickie private wedding?

[twinsetandpearls]

I have been with dp for about 4 years and we want to get married, dp is hoping this will lead the way to me wanting to become a baby making machine, I just ant to be married.

I just don't want lots of fuss, having been married before I can't have a church wedding so to me the day will just be a formality, it is the husband I want the day is not important. I have also been married before and had an embaressingly huge wedding that ended in divorce before they year was out, I don;t want people sat at my wedding comapring it to the last or thinking here she goes again. I was hoping we could just nip to the registy office one afternoon, grab a few witnesses and getit over and done with.

I thought dp would be in agreement with me as he hates a fuss being made over him and he hates spending money even more. He however wants a big wedding whch we can';t afford as he think it would be unfair on dd as she would want to be a bridesmaid at our wedding. I just think it is ridiculous to plan our wedding day around a five year old's fairytale fantasies.

Dp also thinks I will regret not having my family there but to be honest I really don;t think they or I will care and to be honestI donlt think they want to sit through another wedding.

If we start plannig for the big wedding unless we win the lottery (which we don;t play so the chances are quite low ) it won;t happen as we have no spare money.

I think you're very reasonable.

I'd go for the small wedding (but ask friends or family to witness, not strangers), buy dd a phenomenal dress and hairthing, give her a wand or some flowers or a basket of petals or something to carry.

Totally agree with you, twinset. Tell dd she can do the big wedding when she gets married. Good grief! Maybe you could have a small lunch/dinner party after for friends & family? Or maybe just the 3 of you, out to a nice restaurant where dd can show off her finery?

Your DD could still be a bridesmaid at a private civil ceremony, couldn't she?

I'd personally prefer a small wedding if I was ever to get married again (still married, so not thought THAT much about it tbh).

But once you ask a few family or friends it starts to snowball and people start to get offended for not being there. I woudl rather ban the lot of them , let it be me, dp and dd.

totally unreasonable

No, that's not unreasonable. Sensible and practical and most of all, isn't this about what you and your DP want?

How?Why? Cod.

I ant to marry the man I love why should I ahve to pay to entertain everyone else becuase of that fact.

But expat - dp wants the big wedding. How he plans to pay for it I don't know.

EXACTLY, TSAP!

This about you and your partner's marriage, and how YOU want to celebrate that.

'Nuff said!

If this is what you want, and it's what works for you two, go for it.

Why start off your new marriage in a way that you're unhappy with?

Life's too short.

I reckon as long as she gets the terrific dress, she'll be happy.

And wouldn't you like to dress up a bit yourself? How about you, dp, dd and a couple of your very best friends?

But has your dp been married before. Maybe he wants the whole do if he hasn't done it before. Maybe hewants to shout his love from the rooftops, and is using your dd as an excuse?

WHY does dp want a big wedding?

I'd bring that up, then, TSAP.

It's possible a compromise can be reached.

But I'd bring it up as, 'It's about the marriage, not the wedding' sort of thing.

I think thats totally reasonable for you to want to do that.
FWIW thats what dh and I wanted when we got married.
We had booked a huge big white wedding but 7 months into the engagement I found out I was pg and all of the fancy stuff just didnt seem important anymore. I just wanted to marry my daughters dad.
In the end we got married at Gretna Green when dd was 2 months old with just very close family.
It was perfect.

My mum and step dad also did the same. They both had big fancy weddings first time. They were child hood sweethearts but found each other again. We went up to Gretna when I was about 11. No family or friends, just us and 2 local guys who were the witnesses.
It was lovely.

Your DD can still be a bridesmaid and get her pretty dress and flowers wherever you decide to get married.

You can do it in a register office or a hotel type place, keep it low key and less pricey. Get DD involved in helping you make decisions - how you will get there, what she will wear, maybe a girly treat together t get hair done in morning, then somewhere nice to eat afterwards.

That way you get get your wedding how you want it, and DD also plays an important part too.

last time i put a message on a wedding thread everyone disagreed with me - so here goes (i must be a masochist):

what's wrong with taking ideas from the 5 year old for your wedding ? my dcs loved my second marriage. it can be lots of fun for children. you can make a registry office wedding stylish too and your dd could still dress up. you could hire a big car, have photos and still keep it quite cheap

you sound like you're feeling under pressure, which is such a shame. a wedding should be something for you, your dp and dd to enjoy

Like I suggested, since everyone missed it:

"Or maybe just the 3 of you, out to a nice restaurant where dd can show off her finery?"

Too many weddings are about what other people (particularly your immediate family!) want - and it should be what you and your dp want, and can afford. It would be madness to have a huge event which gets you into debt you then have to struggle to deal with.

You say you just want to be married and dp thinks this will lead you to wanting to being a 'baby making machine' - some difference of ideas there......... really talk through your expectations before you arrange anything, simple or elaborate. You both need to want to take this step for the right reasons.

havse yo posted abotu this elsewhre tsap?

beckybrastraps I don't care what I have on. Quite frankly I could nip out from the gym and say my vows in my deeply unflattering sweaty lycra.

Dp has not been married before but is quite a shy man and does not like being made a fuss off so he does not want the big wedding for him. He wants a big wedding for our families and dd and he thinks that I will reget a small do.

If I get my annullment and we can have a church blessing I would consider having some kind of party and perhaps making more of a fuss. But for a civil do I just don't see the point.

Well I would be on your side fwiw, I'm not into weddings at all, but seeing as your dp thinks differently, you could try to find the middle ground. It needn't be all that expensive.

I dont know, maybe he's never been married and does want something a bit more special? Fair enough.

Message withdrawn

Can't remember Cod, probably as it keeps rearing its ugly head.

We have been talking about getting married for over a year now , my argument is that if we stopped talking about it and stopped dreaming about daft dresses and over priced caterers and just nipped to the regisrty office the job would have been done by now.

God I am romantic I can see why he wants to marry me.

Cod & I keep posting on the wedding threads. We must be old softy romantics at heart.