in wanting to have a quickie private wedding?

[twinsetandpearls]

I have been with dp for about 4 years and we want to get married, dp is hoping this will lead the way to me wanting to become a baby making machine, I just ant to be married.

I just don't want lots of fuss, having been married before I can't have a church wedding so to me the day will just be a formality, it is the husband I want the day is not important. I have also been married before and had an embaressingly huge wedding that ended in divorce before they year was out, I don;t want people sat at my wedding comapring it to the last or thinking here she goes again. I was hoping we could just nip to the registy office one afternoon, grab a few witnesses and getit over and done with.

I thought dp would be in agreement with me as he hates a fuss being made over him and he hates spending money even more. He however wants a big wedding whch we can';t afford as he think it would be unfair on dd as she would want to be a bridesmaid at our wedding. I just think it is ridiculous to plan our wedding day around a five year old's fairytale fantasies.

Dp also thinks I will regret not having my family there but to be honest I really don;t think they or I will care and to be honestI donlt think they want to sit through another wedding.

My divorce tool 3 years and it would have dragged on if I ahdn't have just given in as I could not be bothered.

But at least in a divorce I knew I was going to get one, I don;t have to prove anything. THis time I need to prove that what I said happened did happen. It will be very personal and quite awful.

I mean doing stupid things for selfish reasons and/or because one thinks they are justifiable. The "right thing to do".

Not really, though, Lizzer. In Celtic cultures, for example, there were degrees of marriage. You could have a trial marriage, a year and a day, a set time period, and if that worked out then you could go for a longer contract.

a trial marriage sounds very sensible to me actually.

Blimey what an awful predicament your in!

poor you, twinset! Forget the past. If getting an annulment would cause you even more anguish, is it really worth it?

well that is exactly whyI ahve never gone for the annulment as I never thought I would want to marry again.

Can you not get a normal divorce? Or am I being dumb, have you already explained that bit?!

sauce, that's v practical, I felt the same for some years after being hurt badly... I also would never have got married in that state...now I feel ready to give my honest declaration of love for dp. I do think people get married for all sorts of reasons, sometimes wrong, but its a shame if you don't or can't believe in lasting marriage cos then you can't believe in true love

I have a normal divorce which means I can have a civil wedding or get married in a liberal C of E church both if which would be quite meaningless to me other than the fact I am making a commitment to dp.Icannot get re married in my church.

Ah I see expat. Well now I suppose nowadays living together (in sin ) is the trial marriage bit isn't it. I was always happy with that..... and now I want MORE! Gimme the contract!

Is that true, morningpaper? Wow, wait til I tell dh! He was furious at the time!

Ah, I see. Thanks TMMJ.

TMMJ, you said what I wanted to say, but don't forget how many wars were started by religion

Cool! I wouldn't have to get an annulment!

I wanted to have a civil wedding, but the ex really wanted to involve God, so we went Unitarian.

themildmanneredjanitor tbh sometimes it does. But I am welcomed at church and take a full part in every way other than taking communion.

I broke the rules and have to pay the consequences. The lesson has been learnt and never again will I put myself in that situation.

Broke the rules? dearest twinset, stop punishing yourself! please.

My faith and church were also a great comfort to me during my divorce and when no on else was there my priest was. And when my priest got wind of people in chruch making unfair remarks about me and my situation he was straigt to the pulpit defending me.

The Catholic church is not perfect and at this moment is causing me pain and hearache but it has given me more joy and comfort than pain and I know I would not be here today if I did not have my faith.

I am not punishing myself just stating a fact.

If you are truly sorry for anything you have done & should not have done, then you are forgiven. As a practicing Catholic, you must know that, twinset. Now please forgive yourself and move on. xx

If I were to have a more symapthetic hearing I would need to look outside of the cathlic church in which case I would not need the annulment as they would marry me anyway.